Guest Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 A bit related to some earlier posts on the money/financial support issue. Fact is that most TG's married to farang are from a relative poor background. The Tg's married to the relative rich farang will soon have a much better financial position than her immediate relatives. This difference can become quite large. Many of you state quite clearly that you will never give any money if asked (and are proud of it). Not exactly sure what such statements really mean, but I presume that most of you support at least your Thai wife to some extend. Unless her income is on par with your, you'll be contributing more than her to the household. when you TG is from a poor family this difference in lifestyle and spending power can lead to various problems. Jealousy comes to mind, but the pressure to help out other family members - more than just an equal share - is another. I can also understand the Tg's perspective seeing herself in relative riches compared to het parents for instance and truly wanting to improve their situation. Stickman mentioned in another thread that its one of the reasons he wouldn't marry into a poor family. But he was more referring to greediness from familymembers as that was what that thread was about. And greediness is not much related to income level. That 's something most of us agreed on. Greed is not the issue here. Is the wish (and I believe this is often a sincere wish) to elevate the living standard of close and loved relatives when one (your wife in this case) has fallen into a better life financially. Who wouldn't really wish to share some with those you love. Are you going to say NO, when a request to help out to cover medical expenses, doing home improvements, or some other important or usefull reuqests are made? I dont' think so, and if it is I think your GF or Wife will find some other means to share or help out. This issue is not related to BG's in particular, but IMO if you deny your ex-BG partner to much in her effort to help her family, she could very well revert to her old profession when you're not around to achieve her objective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 >Greed is not the issue here. Is the wish (and I believe this is often a sincere wish) to elevate the living standard of close and loved relatives when one (your wife in this case) has fallen into a better life financially. Who wouldn't really wish to share some with those you love. I may be rolling into it - marrying a girl from a poor family. As it may be known from my other posts, she is a "builder" and planner kind of girl, the money went to building a small but liveable house. Having her on my side, doing the economics for our own family would be an asset I think. In the future, I'll help them do improvements to the house, at the end of the day it will be my dwelling for holidays, children going there, etc. My gf agrees, we'll never live in Thai, so just do something small and reasonable and the family (and us when going there) will be fine. Her mother will have 5K every month, her sister works in a factory, step father works on constructions when he can find work. A noodle shop (my gf set up for them, attached to the house) brings some money but it's not reliable. They won't get rich off me but will have a reasonable living by Thai standards. Anything less than that would make my gf (the wife in the future) worried or unhappy. Even if it was to cost me more, not only 100-150US$ per month I would have gone for it. Hope the family remains as they are - not greedy, just thirsty for a modest house, tap water, electricity, windows. Right now, they are there. They won't be marked as rich after that, nothing like those Swiss village guys did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 >>>>>>Greed is not the issue here. Is the wish (and I believe this is often a sincere wish) to elevate the living standard of close and loved relatives when one (your wife in this case) has fallen into a better life financially. Who wouldn't really wish to share some with those you love.<<<< Of course. I've come to see that this is the overall picture. It's most often not overwellming greed. The culture dictate responsibilities that are foreign to Western standards. Sharing of wealth is important to the Thai culture, which is not only a good thing, but rooted in nessesity. Much like barn-raising situations in western culture. Helping your niehbhor (I could never spell this word right???). A long forgotten tradition in the West. It's not so much a want, but a need, ingrained therein. It would be appalling to aquire great wealth within the Thai community/family, and not share. It simply becomes a responsibility, in general. One of the very great things about the Thai culture, that can easily be confused with greed, and often is. But in reality, could not be further from the truth. I am continually floored by the stories of girls I talk to, and the responsibilities instilled in them, to send every last exstra baht they make, to take care of someone else, other than themselves. Thai's greedy? Much more prevelent in Western culture, in my opinion. Where he who dies with the most toys, wins. I think most industrial countries have lost the plot. And therein, lies our attraction to this country. We are attracted to it's basic roots. Like ours was, at one time. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 Hi, I have no problem in helping out when it comes to health and education. My wife is actually doing something which I really think is great. She has 16 year old niece (daughter of her older brother, wife left him when the girl was 6 or so). The girl has only M3 education and her dad does not have the capacity to help her in any way, financially or otherwise. So, my wife asked the girl (after asking me first if I was okay with it) if she would like to come live with us in BKK and learn to be a hairdresser. The girl agreed and my wife is now paying for her education. My wife's main reasoning was that if the girl stays upcountry she will have pretty much no future; may even get knocked up by some guy and that would certainly be the end of it. Now, she makes a little money (1,000 Baht a month for helping with the household) and gets to learn a profession which can earn her enough to support herself. My wife is also studying (well, she actually landed herself a job teaching the subject now ) and she is looking for a place to open a shop, her niece will be hired to help out then. In effect my wife has given the girl a future, and I am actually rather proud of her for doing this. Sanuk! PS To the cynics, all of the money spend on education and allowance for the girl is coming out of my wife's own allowance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 >In effect my wife has given the girl a future, and I am actually rather proud of her for doing this. You are, and should be proud. Great. >PS To the cynics, all of the money spend on education and allowance for the girl is coming out of my wife's own allowance. To the cynics: I'll foot any bill related to education. My gf (or wife) would not know to give the guidance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 Says khunsanuk: Hi, I have no problem in helping out when it comes to health and education. My wife is actually doing something which I really think is great. She has 16 year old niece (daughter of her older brother, wife left him when the girl was 6 or so). The girl has only M3 education and her dad does not have the capacity to help her in any way, financially or otherwise. So, my wife asked the girl (after asking me first if I was okay with it) if she would like to come live with us in BKK and learn to be a hairdresser. The girl agreed and my wife is now paying for her education. My wife's main reasoning was that if the girl stays upcountry she will have pretty much no future; may even get knocked up by some guy and that would certainly be the end of it. Now, she makes a little money (1,000 Baht a month for helping with the household) and gets to learn a profession which can earn her enough to support herself. My wife is also studying (well, she actually landed herself a job teaching the subject now ) and she is looking for a place to open a shop, her niece will be hired to help out then. In effect my wife has given the girl a future, and I am actually rather proud of her for doing this. Sanuk! PS To the cynics, all of the money spend on education and allowance for the girl is coming out of my wife's own allowance. Well done . Her niece i am sure will work hard to make her own way in life . Thanks to a great start you both have given her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 Very good question. I can only talk about my mother in law and the other direct members of the family and not the extended family. While they are from the city of Korat, they are not poor, certainly not by Thai standards, but having said that, they are not rich either. Could I make a difference by providing a bit of money? Perhaps. But the cost of this is that I would then not be able to do things that I want to do for me and my wife. Being on a teacher's salary, like many Thailand based Westerners, I am really not in a position to help out much. If someone fell ill, I would likely be the last person asked to contribute as fortunately the family members all have both assets and reasonably sized bank accounts, again, by Thai standards. If I was in a position to provide some money, I would, but only a limited amount. They are not poor and besides, I really do not believe in the notion of handouts, either giving or receiving. Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbaron Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 Nice little story KS. Good one. Things like KS has said... I wouldn't have a problem with. As opposed to simply sending cash, Mrs Sanuk has actually helped and taught a family member something which will take her to a better future. As Stick alludes to.. handout are pretty useless in the longterm. As I said in another post. I'm not exactly loaded, if I was maybe I'd look at it differently, but I doubt it. Financing half the village is not my idea of being responsible. If there was a big sale at MBK, or a government jewel sale... that wold be different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 >Could I make a difference by providing a bit of money? Perhaps. But the cost of this is that I would then not be able to do things that I want to do for me and my wife. Being on a teacher's salary, like many Thailand based Westerners, I am really not in a position to help out much. Well, Stick, you haven't married into a poor Thai family. You are saying she has married a poor farang. BTW, your article about TGs being treated as children, really rocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 Says think_too_mut: >In effect my wife has given the girl a future, and I am actually rather proud of her for doing this. You are, and should be proud. Great. >PS To the cynics, all of the money spend on education and allowance for the girl is coming out of my wife's own allowance. To the cynics: I'll foot any bill related to education. My gf (or wife) would not know to give the guidance. Hi TTM, My wifes son (9yrs) when he has finished school in Thailand we plan to bring him to OZ to ""finish"" his education. as far as he wants or is capable to go ...UNI or private institution very bright boy in top 3 in his class each year works hard and misses his mother. She/we will pay for his education without a second thought. Again she/we are paying now as well for him, her sisters help the family how and when they can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.