chilli13 Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 I don't see at all how being with more than one woman at a time excludes being in love? Especially not if an a long distance relationship... Thanks for the thoughs anyways Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 Who ever came up with the word we know as cheating should probably have their head examine ------------------------------- I do not think that the problem is about being accused of cheating by centuries of religious morales, but the fact that most likely, the modern man (2000 years ago to this day) has internalized ther guilt. So that even justifying the rigtht to multiple mating is done in majority defensively, when basically, guys should just say: "cheating??? :: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about". Again, if instincts should rule the day and ages, then how come they don't prevail. Moreover, except for a few matriarcal and amazon cultures, males are the ones who shaped rules in societies. looks like we are the ones to blame or congratulate for bringing up the word cheating or guilt into it. Personally, my opinion is that our having multiple partners in Thailand is totally different to acting up our instincts (OK for acting up our fantasies or desires, though), but an answer to all the demands society makes on us, back home, professionally and privately, and that somehow, robs us of truly enjoying life. At the end, though, it is only a 10 minutes recess in a day at school, even expats have to deal with the annoying demands of their new society, the road to happiness and fulfillment is nowadays, full of compromises for most. that's the irony i find: first, a trip to LOS is like asserting oneself, and claiming one's right to life fulfillment, but so often, after, a lot of self-denial about the nature of the stay or residence is driving one back, not so close to fulfillment, more like a statu quo for many, at best. Sorry if a bit off topic....Inspiration!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 >>>I don't see at all how being with more than one woman at a time excludes being in love? Especially not if an a long distance relationship...<<< well, that depends very much on the sort of woman you are with (and i am talking here about love relationships, not the ones of financial convenience). is she cool with you playing around? do you mind if she would play around? you might love more than one woman at a time (i personally would find it more than difficult), but do the women about each other? if the women have no problem with that, up to you. still though, let me express my doubts here. i know more than a few men here in thailand who have mia nois, but in my nearly 11 years here i am still to meet a mia luang who is content with her husband having mistresses. some try to win her husband back, some suffer in silence, some divorce, some stay together for the sake of the children, and some chop their husbands digs off when they find out. i have not met one single wife yet who thinks that it is all natural that her husband should have minor wives. i have though of course met more than a few women who don't give a fuck what her "husband" does as long as he keeps sending the allowance (from which they often support the man they are really in love with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbaron Posted December 4, 2003 Report Share Posted December 4, 2003 IMO cheating = not playing by the rules. In a relationship, where you have made some kind of monogamous comitment to each other, doing the deed with another is "cheating". What goes around comes around, it just aint nice to hurt someone's feelings like that if they expect more. I wouldn't like it if someone did that to me, so I don't do it to others. Having several casual non comitted sexual partners is fine though, as long as everyone's clear they are not/may not be the only one... I'll get off my soapbox now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Singhaman Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Well, I am similiar and I have been looking for an answer to this until my brother, being even more worse than me, told me " ......it is the hunt " We are just made to be like this, nothing we can do. Biology has an explanation to all this. There is even one for turning arround and having a nap after making love. Since I know all this, I just take it easy and excuse myself with, being a Biologist and not a Cheater.....! cheers, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 Wow....unreal how long this thread has become. My take is that cheating implies a broken promise, in that neither will fool around. Either spoken, or implied, that you will both be mognonomous to each other. Where does the need to cheat come from? The grass in always greener, and the need for variety. I think is a human nature, including both sexes. New love, and new sex, is exciting to say the least. That get's lost, in a long term relationship. Some value the love they have for the other person, and will/can forgo urges to be with another. There will always be desire, to some degree, for the opposite sex in general, no matter how deep the love. I never responded to this thread, because JJ had asked for no 'holier art than thou' posts, so have stayed out of it. So sue me for giving my opinion. Cheating, in my opinion, is not fair to the other person. Unless you have other arraingments, the whole reason you are with them, is because you desire to commit to them, and them to you. It's a promise, and it is a trust, between two people. I was just thinking that it is a violation to cheat, and not tell her, but it is a violation to even do so, in the first place. I feel that if you are desiring to be with someone else, other than the person you have committed to, then get out before so. It is very disrespectful to your partner to do anything else. Sex, love, respect, honesty, loyalty......they are not all separate entities. It's a package deal. At least I think it should be. You cannot have sex with someone else, and have honesty and loyalty still exist in your relationship. And in my case, respect either. I can still love my wife/girfriend, and have sex with her, but the rest would be lost. I would no longer have respect for myself, and my honesty and loyalty to her, would have gone right out the window. I kind of look upon cheating as stealing a friend's money, but much worse. To cheat on your partner, you are stealing so much more than that from her. She can make more money. But if she really cared about you, no amount of money can buy what you might have taken from her. You can't buy trust. It can only be earned. I don't mean to take the high ground here. Really. But I was married for 18 years, and never fooled around once. God knows I often wanted to, but when it always came down to it, I always measured her pain, against my 30 minutes of pleasure. It just never seemed worth it. I just cared about her too much. In the end, if you can't help but cheat, for whatever reason, then fine. But understand that about yourself. To do less, and leave a carnage of very serious pain in others in your wake, is just plain irresponsible. In harsh terms....shit, or get off the pot. Can't commit? Then don't do it. Yea...I know. A very simplistic statement. But yet, it is what is all comes down to. 4 years now, since my divorce, and I have a lot of notches on my bedpost since then. But I have never entertained the idea of committing to someone, and then continuing on my same way. I'm single now, and have relished in that, only because I could do so, guilt free. If someone got hurt, it could only be me. Not someone else. I have a Thai g/f now, who wants to marry. Am I ready? I don't know. I'll know when I can be without her, and walk into NEP, and walk out alone. Which I've already been able to do, last visit. If I can do again next also, then I will know. But if I can't, then she will be the first to know. Out of my love, and respect for her. Because if I can't, I will know my true nature, and will protect her from that at all costs. She deserves better. I'm not religious, and so void of all that baggage. It all comes down to a matter of what is right and wrong. Causing great pain to someone you love, is not a good thing. I think everyone can agree with that. OK...hahaha. Bring it on. :: HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 We are just made to be like this, nothing we can do. -------------------- I don't believe it. If there was nothing we could do about these basic instincts, we'd still be living in trees and caverns. progress has been made because Man thought choices towards one way or another, implying changes in one's lives, mattered. yes, we still have animal urges, but for most, as i proved(sex in LOS vs sex back home), they can be contained or funneled or put on the back burner. A real impossibility to do anything about it would be to kill/fight a punter, because he took or slept with the girl i wanted or was with, for ex. When mating, carnivorous animals don't fool around.... We humans do. Unless one considers that going far away from home to mate corresponds to being inadequate sexually in one's tribe. Does not put much shine on LOS punters, though.... :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chilli13 Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 yeah lets just talk the relationships of love and/or lust and leave the more financial ones for later as that's obviously a slightly different ball game... I believe in multiple partners & obviously allow the GF the same rights even she may not use them fully! other girls using for sex may or may not be BG's & they would know they're just that - casual fuck buddies! now if the GF should happen to be a (still working) BG it would almost be required/expected to have other sex partners or should she be off the job & in a committed relationship well I'd say see above :hubba: of course my mindset might change with time or if finding myself married oneday, but untill then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiLeakHunt Posted December 5, 2003 Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 lazyphil said:<<And now back to cheating...... why do men cheat ????? I guess because they can :dunno:>> What about women---because they can??--is it more of a stigma??--a guy sleeps around and hes a stud--a woman and shes a slut (in eyes of some) whats good for the goose etc I guess It's like the old joke. Why do dogs lick their bollocks ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted December 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2003 pattaya127 said: but for most, as i proved(sex in LOS vs sex back home), they can be contained or funneled or put on the back burner. I really don't buy the proof that you offer for your theory and the theory itself is flawed in it's logic. Most guys that come to LOS engage in sex with prostitutes vs back home they go through a dating ritual. Two entirely different experiences. You can make the argument of why doesn't the guy just deal with prostitutes back home? I know of plenty of places where you can get prostitutes in the States but unfortunately it is a crime, that is vigilantly prosecuted by law enforcement, that could seriously affect ones family/friends relationships, social standing and career(not to mention the cost of a quality hooker). You simply can't compare that to a 2 week vacation in Pattaya (where there is a sanctioned environment created for carnal pleasure). You pay $600 for your flight, $10 a night room and $10 a night for a quality prostitute. The risk reward ratio is not even in balance andthe risk State side is prohibitive enough to make one supress his sexual appetites for a prostitute at home. Fear in this case allows the intellect to overcome instinct. I assure you that if Western society tolerated prostitution(removed the social controls) as Thai society does, you would see alot more fellows engaging in it in order to satiate their sexual appetites. You say that then compare to the mating period, months back home. Instincts that can be held up until the next LOS trip are IMO, seriously watered down. No? as proof against a man conquering or subduing his "animal"/instinctual nature. I have a question fo you. Would you go pet a "tamed" tiger if he has not eaten in 3 days and you have no means to defend yourself? I don't know about you but I have more faith in that tigers "instinct" to kill than in his tame appearance. In other words the instinct is not "waterd down" it is repressed or supressed(whichever your view is). Your argument only addresses "frequency" not desire, intent, incentive or environment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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