Guest Posted March 2, 2005 Report Share Posted March 2, 2005 Hi HIGH THAIED, >>>Snowdrop? Bai nai? I am still here. My beloved husband is unhappy that I am spending time here:cussing: Also have to figure out what I am going to do with my life.. I am 30...Not a young girl anymore. Bye for now :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 3, 2005 Report Share Posted March 3, 2005 Hi snowdrop, >>>Also have to figure out what I am going to do with my life..<<< What do you mean? You are married. Unfortunately, your life is already dictated to a certain respect, and as such, makes your options a little bit more secluded. But what do you want? Maybe ask yourself what is your perfect dream, and go from there? Khao jai mai? Nothing is impossible, snowdrop. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 >>what do you want? Maybe ask yourself what is your perfect dream, and go from there? Khao jai mai? Nothing is impossible, snowdrop. High Thaied...Does marriage mean to be sacrified yourself? Asking about my perfect dream. Nothing is perfect. All I can say now,my satisfication is to have a lovely family,career and my own income. I want to stand on my own feet. My own income means [color:"blue"] the freedome[/color] that I can do what I want. I don't like when my husband said,"Hey,I am the person who provide everything for this family, I can do what I want" Even though it is right for him to say, I still feel uncomfortable. I am frustrated. I was able to take care of my family before. I am talking about giving gifts in special occasions such as a mother's day, father's day, a new year.At the moment I can't do anything yet.I know one day I will. I am working on it Sorry that I am off a Sin-Sot topic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 Hi snow_drop, >>>>High Thaied...Does marriage mean to be sacrified yourself?<<<< Yes, but I think only to a small respect/degree. Of course you will have to sacrifice some things, to be in a relationship. You will have to do, in order to provide for the other person, or the children that you produce. But should not be so great, that it will keep you from enjoying life, and the person that you are. >>>I don't like when my husband said,"Hey,I am the person who provide everything for this family, I can do what I want"?<<< In real, your statement above disturbs me greatly. I believe that a relationship is also an even partnership, with no 'boss' controling things. Your concerns are no less important than your husbands. I'm going to marry a Thai girl. But I know and understand very well of what she feels, and her obligations concerning her family. It would not be fair for me to even think of getting involved with her, if I was not willing to accept. She has no less rights than I do. I don't want power over her. I like that she is her own person, and would never change that, even if I could. Snow_drop....you are very fustrated for a very good reason. Anyone else would feel the same, in your situation. I can't tell you how to fix that, but I will tell you, you should! Khao jai mai? I was married for 18 years. It's an incredibly hard thing to break away. But you have to think of yourself first. You only have one shot at life......and you do have choices, wether you believe that, or not. A relationship should not be a prison. You do have options and choices, so use to make your life what you want it to be for you. Do you understand? I told you before....Nothing is impossible. Your 'perfect life' is just there waiting for you. You just have to get off your butt, and go get it even though having to make some hard changes to get there. But you can do it! Is real. Jing Jing! HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 s_snowdrop, As for taking care of your family, are you the only child or do other family members share the financial burden ? I have a long time girlfriend and we give some money to her mama each month but we are not the only ones, the rest of the family contribute as well. You say that you are 30 and have no career / income of your own. What did you do before this situation arose ? What work did you do before or did you marry just after finishing education ? My girl is 22 and we are looking at what she wants to do for a business which will give her the stability of an income outside of my businesses (I have bars in Pattaya). She is going to start a beauty course with her cousin and in time, we'll buy or open a business for the two of them to run. It sounds to me like you are not happy and perhaps the age difference between you and your husband is too great or perhaps he cannot understand the Thai family responsibility. When I was married before (to a Japanese lady) I earned at least 5 to 10 times her salary but never used that financial difference as pressure on her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 torrenova said: >>s_snowdrop, >>As for taking care of your family, are you the only child or do other family members share the financial burden ? I have a long time girlfriend and we give some money to her mama each month but we are not the only ones, the rest of the family contribute as well. [color:"blue"]Hi Torrenova, My parents don't need financial support for living. They are okay. Somehow, they work hard and I would like them to retire. I know they will have their pensions but I would be very happy to give them gifts or extra money, and they can do what they want. I have a younger brother who also works.However, he has his own expenses to take care at the moment. I am the first child. I should have more responsibility.[/color] >>You say that you are 30 and have no career / income of your own. What did you do before this situation arose ? What work did you do before or did you marry just after finishing education ? [color:"blue"]After I was graduated,I had worked as a system engineer for 6 years and as a database administrator for a year. I have been married for 2 years. [/color] >>It sounds to me like you are not happy and perhaps the age difference between you and your husband is too great or perhaps he cannot understand the Thai family responsibility. When I was married before (to a Japanese lady) I earned at least 5 to 10 times her salary but never used that financial difference as pressure on her. [color:"blue"]I am quite happy with my marriage. I am just frustrated with my jobless and dislike where I live. My husband may have some problems to understand Thai cultures and the concept of family responsibility but he is a man with a good heart The age difference creates some issues. We have tried to make compromises and adjusted ourselves. I do understand it's hard for older people to change the ways they think. Also he would like me to be more aggressive and strong. I believe he has good intentions to pressure me. Before I decided to marry him, I promise myself I would try my best [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 Maybe I am lucky that my girlfriend can do some work for me which gives her an income of her own which she can use as she desires. She has shown great interest in studying, with her cousin, to become a beauty therapist and I will help her both with the studies and with opening or buying a business so that she and her family can have greater financial stability, rather than her having to ask me for money and sometimes feeling a little guilty. To have someone not working, even if the money is not important, is not healthy I believe and I can relate to your situation. It also creates boredom and to be honest, from my experience, it can create pressure between couples. Unfortunately, as you live in the middle east, I cannot really suggest starting some form of business as they treat women as very much second class citizens. Do you think you will live there for much longer and if you move, where will you both go ? perhaps you could express your unhappiness to your husband and he may be able to plan an exit route to a more favourable country ? I know that I could not really take my girlfriend to live outside of Thailand. I think she would come with me but I do not think she would be happy. Therefore, I would not ask her to go. I think I can understand your frustration. You are young, educated, had a career and now you have no focus outside of your family life with your husband. If you cannot leave the area, perhaps some group exists where expat wives (not just Thai) meet and find some comfort in meeting together. They may even have some ideas which you could explore in order to find some mental challenge to stimulate you. You obviously have the web so perhaps try using that. Also, perhaps ask your husband to ask his company about such matters. Sometimes the company will have heard of this situation many times before and will be able to put you in touch with other wives in a similar situation. I hope you can find something to cheer you up. Kind regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 6, 2005 Report Share Posted March 6, 2005 torrenova said: >>Unfortunately, as you live in the middle east, I cannot really suggest starting some form of business as they treat women as very much second class citizens. Do you think you will live there for much longer and if you move, where will you both go ? perhaps you could express your unhappiness to your husband and he may be able to plan an exit route to a more favourable country ? We will live here three years more. My husband knows that I am unhappy here. We are thinking about jobs in Singapore. We had a great time over there when we traveled. People were nice to us. I felt like home. >> If you cannot leave the area, perhaps some group exists where expat wives (not just Thai) meet and find some comfort in meeting together. They may even have some ideas which you could explore in order to find some mental challenge to stimulate you. I joined expat wives (no Thai) group sometimes. People sat together and did their art work. Well...We have a few Thai wives here too. I hung out with them when I just moved here. One lady seemed very nice to me. She offered help to drop my CV at the place she worked before. I found out later that she never did it. She just wanted to read my CV and check my background. I am a bit disappointed with Thai community. It?s full of jealousy and gossip. Right now I do my own things. I don't want to get involved. >>You obviously have the web so perhaps try using that. Also, perhaps ask your husband to ask his company about such matters. Sometimes the company will have heard of this situation many times before and will be able to put you in touch with other wives in a similar situation. I applied a job at my husband company, nothing happened. My husband said if I was a westerner, I would get a teaching job. In the middle east, they prefer western degrees. I am taking driving lessons at the moment. I am enjoying it. Also enquiring some information for online and distance education. I will survive against the odds here. Better to say good-bye....it becomes snowdrop's life more than Sin-sot topic. Thanks a lot Torrenova...appreciate your kindness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 7, 2005 Report Share Posted March 7, 2005 >>>>Thanks a lot Torrenova...appreciate your kindness.<<<< I hear he has an opening for a cashier. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 10, 2005 Report Share Posted March 10, 2005 Just curious about one thing. Divorce (in this case the USA) If I was a good guy and paid sinsot and wedding with no expectation to get any of it back, does that mean that I am obsolved of alimony payments to my wife if she finds another guy she prefers later in the marriage once we've moved to the States? Or are my alimony payments reduced proportionally to what I paid in sinsot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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