sinsott question

[Guest]

HIGH THAIED said:

 

Thanks for your post, snowdrop. Pretty much drives home, the points I was trying to make. I'm sorry things did not go well for you.

 

So let me ask you.......would you have married him, if you knew before, that he would refuse to pay?

 

HT

 

It depends on when I know about this. If I knew in the beginning of our relationship, I would have to reconsider if I would like to move on to the next step. My concern wouldn?t be about money, I would be worried if he could understand and adjust himself to Thai people and culture. However, who are going to discuss about Sinsot before you jump into the serious relationship? In my case, the time I knew, I already love him. Besides that he has other good qualities in him?loyalty, honestly, loving. He is a good father of his children from his ex-wife. I believe he will be a good father of our own children in the future too.

 

I am not an expert. In my understanding about Thai wedding and Sinsot, I think Sinsot is for?

- Showing the bride?s parents that the groom can take a good care of their daughter.

- Parents who raised the girls. For Thais, children are supposed to take care of their parents. Many old people have no work pension or retirement pension. Who are going to take care of them? They rely on their children income.( I am talking about poor families)

 

For the amount of Sinsot, I think it is sometimes about ?Face? or ?show off? which I don?t like this concept. People in my village, not my parents, were expected that my farang husband would offer a lot of Sinsot. Who are they??? My parents were depressed from what people talked. They just wanted to share their happiness to relatives and friends telling them that their daughter was going to get married. Things were complicated?huh!

I think some Thai people are superficial and focus on money. Don?t give me wrong. I am not against my own culture. I am Thai and proud to be Thai.

My point is what is different between farang and Thai guys? Yes, the value of money is different but it doesn?t mean all farangs are rich. If they work hard to get their income, it?s unfair if the bride?s parents want to keep all of Sinsot.

 

::

[Guest]

Zorro said:

snowdrop

 

It seems that your husbands failure to take your culture seriously may have long term negative effects on your relationships judging by the way your expressed your disappointment with the whole situation.

 

Maybe my husband needs more time to understand Thai culture. He always said " I am not being Kii Niow, just smart with money"

 

I understand what happened to him in the past. He isn't that bad.

[Guest]

Hi Snowdrop,

 

>>>>>For the amount of Sinsot, I think it is sometimes about ?Face? or ?show off? which I don?t like this concept. People in my village, not my parents, were expected that my farang husband would offer a lot of Sinsot. Who are they??? My parents were depressed from what people talked. They just wanted to share their happiness to relatives and friends telling them that their daughter was going to get married. Things were complicated?huh!<<<<

 

yes....it does get complicated, doesn't it? In fact so complicated, that Thai girl herself cannot always understand. That is why is so important for farang to get a complete understanding first, so there are no bad feelings later. And I also think that Thai girl can often get caught in the middle of both sides, which is not always fair, to her.

 

In your case, it sounds like your husband takes good care of you, and that is what is really important.

 

Good to have you here, btw. Can I ask how you found us bunch of misfits/losers?

 

HT

[Zorro]

Snowdrop said

'Maybe my husband needs more time to understand Thai culture. He always said " I am not being Kii Niow, just smart with money"

 

'I understand what happened to him in the past. He isn't that bad.'

 

Good luck to you and it sounds like he found a wife that really loves him and is prepared to make compromises.

Personally I would pay a sinsot even if i didn't agree with the concept as I wouldn't want to get off on the wrong foot with the prospective missus. When you have your bad times as you inevitably do in relationships things like this have a nasty habit of resurfacing.

[Guest]

Hi Zorro,

 

>>>>Good luck to you and it sounds like he found a wife that really loves him and is prepared to make compromises.

Personally I would pay a sinsot even if i didn't agree with the concept as I wouldn't want to get off on the wrong foot with the prospective missus. When you have your bad times as you inevitably do in relationships things like this have a nasty habit of resurfacing.<<<

 

Well said. My gf has said she will pay, if need be. She really has no idea what parents will ask, or what portion might not be given back. This is what I meant about the Thai girl getting caught in the middle. I would never let her pay on her own, though. We are in this together, and I'll do whatever it takes to insure it happens.

 

And from the parent's side, it's all about the face, and not really needing the income. And I can't slight them for that. Their daughter getting married is a very, very big deal to them. They worked their asses off to provide her with an education far beyond their means. They love her dearly, and have every right to want to ensure her well being after leaving the nest. Parent's grew up in a small town, and there is great pressure on them to show that they have done well, in terms of marrying their daughter off into a good situation. It's just the way it is there. I don't nessessarily agree with it, but I do understand it.

 

Khun Mae can forever strut her stuff, in telling everyone, and anyone, her daughter is living in Hawaii with a good man. And God know's there won't be anyone within earshot, that will not be reminded of that every single day. It's really hard to put a price tag on that.

 

HT

[Guest]

HIGH THAIED said:

>> Can I ask how you found us bunch of misfits/losers?

 

 

I don't think you guys are misfits or losers. You are just bunch of men. Lots of stories are very interesting, help me know more what western men think about Thai girls. I felt sad sometimes.

 

Farang men sleep with Thai girls (not talking about BG) doesn't mean they are in love.

 

I don't understand the concept of casual relationship. This idea doesn't exist in my mind.::

[Guest]

Hi snowdrop,

 

>>>>Lots of stories are very interesting, help me know more what western men think about Thai girls. I felt sad sometimes. <<<<

 

I feel sad sometimes too. Is up to you, to make a difference.

 

>>>>I don't understand the concept of casual relationship. This idea doesn't exist in my mind.<<<<

 

But it does exist in the real world. So what can you say about that?

 

Are you fustrated to be a Thai girl? I would be. I'd be mad that everyone thinks I'm a whore, based on my nationality. :onfire: Do you experience this? It's not fair, to say the least.

 

What do you think?

 

HT

[CondomKing]

HIGH THAIED said:

My gf has said she will pay, if need be. She really has no idea what parents will ask, or what portion might not be given back. This is what I meant about the Thai girl getting caught in the middle. I would never let her pay on her own, though. We are in this together, and I'll do whatever it takes to insure it happens.

 

If I may offer some unsolicited advice, I would suggest that your g/f does whatever she can to discover what her parents thoughts are on the subject and in as much detail as possible without making an issue of it. This way you don't even have to even discuss the ridiculous idea that you wife would put the money up if necessary.

 

As far as her being in the middle, well, since it's all about her, that's right where she is, like it or not. I would really want to know what to expect walking in and you have a "player on the inside". Please keep us posted.

[gummigut]

CondomKing said:

It is probably the first (and maybe last) chance the groom will get to interact with and show his new in laws what kind of a person he is.

 

Unfortunately this is more common than it should be. Guess this is why there seems to be a lot of "discussion" about it. In situations like this, I do question the whole family situation to begin with (not automatically casting dispersions on the girl here).

 

<<burp>>

[Guest]

Yea...it's very strange. One would think daughter might have a good take on all of this, but she doesn't. Just never disscussed within her family. She does know, that khun paw (father) paid a dear sum to be with Khun mae (wife), but has no idea of the details

 

That's a little scary, in and of it's self. It's not so much what parents will expect, as more what is expected from them, from others outside of the event. They have pressures to show face. Which I completely understand. If just dealing with them, it would not be a problem, and a no-brainer. But I've seen knun mae in her environment. And having face, is everything to her. She is so proud of her two daughters. They are what she lives for. She sells orange juice on the street, after her 60 hour a week government job, to put her two girl's through very exspensive college.

 

I can very well understand her need to show everyone that is was time well spent. And that her labors, came to mean something. I have no trouble seeing it from her point of view. She has earned the right, to see a big fat check on the table, if only to be returned. It is a validation of all her hard work, for all to see, and something I would never dream of denying her of.

 

My God...I'm starting to think like Khon Thai. Somebody help me, please!

 

HT