You know whats a bitch????

[ChristianTroy]

Old Hippie said:

Point is, we need to be open and honest about all of this, the good and the bad. Most of us will never meet, unless we really want to and make an effort to do so. So why lie, deceive or attempt to hide the truth? As this is anonymous, no harm in opening up...

 

You are right!

 

why is anyone giving a fuck when he is getting attacked?

is that scratching on ones ego? not on mine!

why pretending? this whole Thai - Falang Relationship stuff is complicated enough, no need to bring in more confusion!

 

 

 

some people using this board as a ventile to get closure for their failed relationships, it was always the girls fault. in some cases i would like to hear the other side of the story, most likely you will hear things like "he butterfly, he bring 2nd lady for 3 some etc.." (just one example out of 1000)

 

[chilli13]

"it was always the girls fault. in some cases i would like to hear the other side of the story, most likely you will hear things like "he butterfly, he bring 2nd lady for 3 some"

 

Ok I'll bring up a few stories one of these days(even I of course don't really have bad ones LOL), but I doubt however there'll be much input from the other side...

[Guest]

more than anything...I'd like to get to know her better.

I think it is crucial.

 

To not trust someone at the begining of a relationship is not a good way to start out, and I think there would be damage that would take years to recover from. But unfortunately I must keep guard, and then try to balance it out with showing enough trust.

Imagine if the roles were reversed, say you fell for this rich gal and you thought she really loved you and you really loved her, but she always second guessed you because she thought you were out to get her money.......I don't even think I could go through with that.........you would be put in a position to never ask for anything......

 

Anyway....I guess this is all part of the challenge.....I hope I draw some good cards.......hopefully I wont be put in the position to not trust her......but I hear from the veterans that her problems become yours.....

 

Just thining out loud

MV

[pattaya127]

The result was I was bruttally attacked by some asshole who was in denial about a worse situation he was/maybe still is involved in.

-----------------------------

hey, OH, i think you are the one who asked KS to tell me not to engage you anymore on any of your posts, and i think you are an hypocrite if you say that since there is no name in that sentence, you are not flaming me. Obviously, you have deep seated anger still gnawing at you. I told you, lets' meet and talk, it's not like, unlike what you imply, I insulted you, just was sick of hearing and reading for 2 years about your silly attempts at making squares round.

 

You also forget conveniently to say that i said all this because I have had the same experiences as you about unrequited love, and not because i am some Don Juan.

 

I never brutally attacked you, you have a tendancy of feeling victimized which i recognized pretty early and that you built your personae here around, that's all. My only insistence (remember when you wrote your friends told you "it was hopeless and shouda listened to them"-that's your definition of asshole?) was that she was all the friend you wanted but not an intimate friend. The phrase in english is indeed "unrequited love". Since then, you have heaped a whole pathos on what i said, and blahblah... It's Lamock, SSG's bro-in-law who told you you were a loser, not me.

 

 

AS for my RS, You do not know it, you do not know her, to be a judge of anything. lazyphil, pale rider, mnvinaz, Rmorris are the only ones here (sorry if i forget someone) who met us together. You want to know the difference between your story and mine. E-mail your friend Rmorris. report here if you dare.

[ChristianTroy]

what happenend to the good old OFF TOPIC smiley?

 

IMO this is a really good thread and OH was trying to make a point about beeing open, he wasn't mentioning a name, so why don't you guys sort that out via PMs??

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

P127, I fully agree with ChristianTroy. You made the assumption OH was refering to you, OH did *not* mention any names or made any indication that the 'asshole' was you.

 

I am certain there is much more to this than what I read / hear, but let me be very clear...

 

I do not want to hear anything about this on the open board again. From either of you.

 

You guys can either work this out (somewhere else!!!) or ignore each other, and each other's posts.

 

Now, back to the topic at hand...

 

Sanuk!

[Old Hippie]

Minvanz,

 

Your points are really valid, Take time and get to know her as best you can. The trouble is in any relationship, knowing what the other person really means... It is very easy to misinterpret what the other person is saying, or meaning. There have been times when I have been involved with someone, and took things the wrong way, and ended it as a result, all due to poor communication.

 

Which brings me to my second point, that is, being able to recognize when it is time to end it and keep your sanity. Again, something I have trouble doing. When you want to love and be loved, it is like all sense of common sense and intellect disappear. We find our selves doing things we wouldn't do, saying things we would say, and just plain putting up with more bullshit than we should!

 

Which brings us back to the first part, communication. That and effort, you will never know if you don't try. Yes, you can say all the ods are against it, blah blah...but if you have to fail do you want to fail because you tried? or because you sat on your sorry ass like a loser and did nothing? I'll die trying thank you. Some guy here had as his tag line "...better to regret the things you did in life, than to regret not doing them..." So well give it your best shot... Good luck and god speed!

[thalenoi]

mnvinas,

 

I know what you mean, went thru this and took us two years.

 

I met her when I came to rent a house in LOS and offered her to stay with me, why not, she looked nice enough (jai dee)

 

Discretely I used all my power to cross-check all the stories she told me in the first weeks: no bullshitting, never catched her lying on what she did before we met, her friends and family etc.

 

I also know now she did not really believe I would commit to all the things I was saying. So it takes time to build trust.

 

As OH mentions, the other thing is communication. Several times we were at the point of splitting-up because of some incidents where we no longer understood each other.

Many times I told her that miscommunication (language, culture) could be a relationship killer and we needed to watch out not falling in that trap. I remember some nights after heavy discussions where she told me she would pack in the morning and leave.

 

Today we fully trust each other, but it was a slow process. I realise we are lucky because many mixed relationships go down the drain for so many reasons...

I also think that people who trust each other blindly from day one are in a for though ride at the first signs of trouble.

[Lamock Chokaprret]

Pattaya127 said:

I never brutally attacked you, you have a tendancy of feeling victimized which i recognized pretty early and that you built your personae here around, that's all. My only insistence (remember when you wrote your friends told you "it was hopeless and shouda listened to them"-that's your definition of asshole?) was that she was all the friend you wanted but not an intimate friend. The phrase in english is indeed "unrequited love". Since then, you have heaped a whole pathos on what i said, and blahblah... It's Lamock, SSG's bro-in-law who told you you were a loser, not me.

I do not recall calling OH a loser. And I do not like being misquoted.

[ChristianTroy]

thalenoi said:

I also know now she did not really believe I would commit to all the things I was saying. So it takes time to build trust.

 

This is also a very good point we totally underestimate. Since we falang men tend to believe that the world is only turning around ourselves, we easily forget that the Lady of our choice has trust issues too. The most of them been left when they got pregnant even when their thai boyfriend promised them paradise. The most of them had falang boyfriends before and the most of them butterflied or just told them what they wanna hear. Or something else.

 

Bottomline is that you gotta be patient and do some gestures to make her believe you. I can say about my relationship that it is twice as hard than i had expected, my girl is just 20 years old (iam 33), her age is sometimes a big issue because she doesn't have too much experience in dealing with problems, her standard reaction is to run away, now she has a guy who doesn't let her do that and that is the point where she starts gaining trust since other falang men been to proud to fight for her.

 

My biggest fear is about the money and that's where the trust issues come into the game as well. I know she loves me, she wouldn't invest 3 hours daily on the phone with me, she wouldn't send me textmessages worth 6000 baht, she wouldn't buy a ring for me for 25000 baht. She spent 31000 baht for me at a point where she got about 10000 baht from me after she turned down big money! Her message is very clear, she cares about me.

 

Here comes the twist

I know she is the only one in her 9 head family who is able to take care of them, she has a little sugar sweet son who is 2 years old, she is doing everything for him. She knows when she is staying with me she will live in a huge house with a pool and at least 2 plasma TVs but what about her family? I know she will feel like crap if her family still has to share 3 rooms with 9 people. My lack of trust is based on that issue; she might expect me to take care of this too, SHE MIGHT. In one of her teenager tests she said, "now i have falang boyfriend, now i can stop work and take care of you" Even when this was only a test there is a lot of truth in it, because that is what they think if you are wealthy. My answer to her test was "Now we are a team and we are doing things together" I kinda passed this test but what happens when she meets a guy who wants to pay for everything just like that? I am sure she would still love me but her family will always come on first place, will she sacrifice me for them? I guess so. Here is the point where i have to deal with my own believes,

 

will supporting them hurt me moneywise?

No it wouldn't!

Do I intend to help them all by myself?

No I don't!

Does this girl make me happy and is she 1 out of 250+ girls that entirely satisfy me in the bedroom?

yes she is!

 

Well, there is no wrong or right when it comes to believes, there is no wrong or right when it comes to cultural differences, The best case scenario is that she is going to listen to me and let me teach her how to make money from the home desk through the internet. She'll be able to make 25-75k baht each month. If she can show me that she is able to do that I'd advise her to keep 50% for herself and i put 50% of whatever she does on top of it. This should motivate her to work harder on this project and I could pay this amount without hurting my own finances and without altering my own believes. If she'd agree to that my trust issues would be gone.

 

long way to go!