Old Hippie Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 O.k. been a lot of guys here getting married. Some marry GTGs (so they say ) and some marry out right whores, some marry something somwhere in between...now, given that the average marrige here fails in what 2-3 years? I have to ask what constitutes a good relationship/marrage? Nevger mind the former occupation of the girl, or the hobbies of the guy...as I feel it really makes no difference. We are talking here what is the basis to determine if a marrage is good or not? Duration? quality? other? discuss... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 I'm on my fourth year of a relationship. What's made it work? 1) Trust, it takes a while to build up particularly if one or both parties has a "checkered" past. The leopard has to change it's spots. 2) Tolerance, if she wants to eat crickets let her, if you only want to eat burgers and fries she has to accept that. Not as easy as it sounds, most Thai girls are brought up in "the woman must take care of the man" mould. This also covers forgetting each others past, if relevant. 3) Compatibility, where it matters of course. Sex is important but one day you're gonna have to talk to her as well. 4) Freedom from drama, be it financial, family or anything else. These cause major conflicts, you have to see them coming and make your decisions before you commit. 5) Finally, (I'll think of something else the minute I post) you have to enjoy each others company. To want to be with each other. I'm not sure about love, anyone who goes into the crazy teenage "must have her at any cost" routine when he's in his middle age or golden years has a screw loose. Maybe if all those things mentioned work it is real love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumsoda Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 Fair call J2 cheers DC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OCgringo Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 OH.....I am not sure about your 2-3 year average, where did you find that number ? and which kind of average is it ? there is more than one way to calculate averages. But anyway , never being married its hard for me to say , I would think one of the things is forget about the past , live for the day and the close future and let it roll from there..... OC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted April 9, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 The figure basically comes from those I see quoated here and other readings (someone here posted marrage stats before by country). I think the 2-3 year average pertains to marrages in the last few years or something...not a running average. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 The biggest thing I learnt is that people change. But if the changes happen in different directions or only one changes, couples tend to grow apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangkoktraveler Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 Julian2, your post is the best post I have ever read! As for me, she went to a monk, before we met, and was told she would marry a person that had a bad leg. If you know my wife, she replied "No Way!" And then the monk told her she would marry a person that sells a particular item. Generally Thai men sell that item, so she was positive the monk was wrong. "No way Am I going to marry a Thai man!" she said. Then we met. She said she would see me the next day. She wasn't there. It took about 6 months before I saw her again. She looked for me and I looked for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David99UK Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 I'm on my fourth year of a relationship. What's made it work?1) Trust, it takes a while to build up particularly if one or both parties has a "checkered" past. The leopard has to change it's spots. 2) Tolerance, if she wants to eat crickets let her, if you only want to eat burgers and fries she has to accept that. Not as easy as it sounds, most Thai girls are brought up in "the woman must take care of the man" mould. This also covers forgetting each others past, if relevant. 3) Compatibility, where it matters of course. Sex is important but one day you're gonna have to talk to her as well. 4) Freedom from drama, be it financial, family or anything else. These cause major conflicts, you have to see them coming and make your decisions before you commit. 5) Finally, (I'll think of something else the minute I post) you have to enjoy each others company. To want to be with each other. I'm not sure about love, anyone who goes into the crazy teenage "must have her at any cost" routine when he's in his middle age or golden years has a screw loose. Maybe if all those things mentioned work it is real love. Cracking post - but I guess like many things........easier said than done.......of course I am only at the start of the learning curve which will only start for real when she finally hits the UK......so at the moment I can only theorize / have good intentions............. I particularly liked "one day you're gonna have to talk to her as well" :grin: :grin: .......and the comments about having a screw loose :smirk: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ckrisg Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 Good replies. I have been with my Thai wife for ten years married for two, only advice I can add to Julian is get to know her don't marry after a few weeks or months its a big committment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vintage_Kwai Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 I think J2 has most of it covered. I knew her as a friend through other friends for almost five years before broaching the subject. I think we were both ready for marriage then. Another important aspect is acceptance of both you and the wife by both families. I'm almost at the twenty-year mark; we've had our ups and downs and the kids have brought us to the grit-your-teeth-and-bear-it stage. Real love? I guess it mutates from one form to another, and right now there's more focus on the kids than on each other. Not that we're going to throw each other out, we know each other too well. Both families would raise a few eyebrows as well. After all, if she can tolerate me cracking open a cold one or two when I get back after work, I can tolerate her persistent patronage of the village beauty salon. Que sera sera. I also tend to develop a lead bum after a couple of beers that makes it difficult to get off the seat and head off in the general direction of Nana. The beers are more expensive, and I'd have to put up with the inane twitterings of some 18-or-so year olds while trying to down some proper suds.. Nice eye candy, but can sometimes drive one up the wall... We give each other breathing space too. She can shop at MBK and Pratunam as much as she pleases, I'd rather go to Klong Thom or Panthip.. on my own. Suits us fine, we don't get in each other's way. And though she gripes about it, she'll still bring me some snacks when I'm having that beer out in the garden. As for the OP's question, I guess only time will tell. It's been decent to me so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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