going nuts....

[bibblies]

It seems my lifestyle has driven me quite mad. I am making an all out attempt to end nightlife activity altogether for at least a month. What I had thought was a passing phase continues to ramp itself up night after night.

 

I party way tooo much: beer, cigarettes [i had quit], and lots of other crap that we can't talk about on the board.

 

I am with a new woman/women every night of the week.

 

I have a steady stream of daytime women who 'pop' by my apartment.

 

Blackouts are not becoming the norm, but they have increased significantly. Until about 4 months ago I experienced this in college only a couple times. I had several last week alone.

 

I am currently unemployed and ripping through my paltry 'nest egg'.

 

Any go through this?

Yep, I did. What's the problem?

 

Are you turning gay now or something?

 

OK, I didn't have so many blackouts but the rest sounds familiar.

 

Carry on. You'll either get sick of it and stop, or you'll scare yourself and stop or you'll go home when you run out of money and then you'll sort yourself out. (Or you'll die from overdoing it before that. )

 

You think that you'll change yourself to some other guys's way of getting out of it? I reckon it doesn't work that way. I reckon you'll get out of it when you really want to. Just do it if you want to.

 

I don't even think you're serious about tackling any such problem. If you were, it would be quicker and better to have booked a ticket somewhere out for at least a while than to make this rather fishing post.

 

"Please don't feel sorry for me..." - don't worry, we don't! It's you that wallows in that. Ultimately if you end up on a slab/in the gutter no one on this board or any of your girls will really give a shit. Life will go on for them. That's the wake-up call.(No offence, I have no reason to dislike you but ... meh.. lots of people in the world more deserving and worse off and all that...)

[chuckwoww]

bibblies takes the words out of my mouth again...I think he covered everything.

[junglesoup]

I know,you can say people are worse off, and your right. But happiness and problems are all relative,vis-a-vis.

Its still Buddha who has to live in his own mind and wakes up with himself everyday. If your feeling down, then no other peoples problems are irrelevant because you arent in their mind. But I have to admit, I like Bibblies direct style, not only in this thread but the Liverpool supporters thread.

[Privatebk]

Go home now.

-> so you will not ruin the remaining part of your life.

 

Otherwise: Stay and enjoy life till you either die or run out of money.

[OCgringo]

I know nothing....

 

But....get your ass out of the house,

do other things during the day ,

 

walk around town , do some tourist stuff,

 

get away from the things that are pulling you down,

 

will the Monks take you ?

 

really you know that its a downhill slid ,

get away from the people that pull you down

 

AA meetings might help

 

OC

[Faustian]

I dunno, Buddha isn't in control right now, he's abdicated responsibility (this was however evident months back with the whole 'Russian roulette' no condom thing)...that indicates an underlying issue of some importance, the behaviour is simply a manifestation or to use psychobabble...he's 'acting out'...i think a depressive state exists, which will be brought to the fore via this collapse in responsibility. You can't run away from yourself...

 

Bottom line, you will find your appropriate outcome, be it in the gutter or waking up one day to realise you're deep in the shit and need to sort it out quickly, which most do, if they are able to regain/retain some self efficacy. My concern is how 'out of control' is Buddha? People do go under all the time.

 

Still i like Bibblies approach best. Sort it out Buddha, or if you are real need of assistance then seek help. Avoidance of responsibility is just bullshit game playing. Chok dee and all that malarky.

[chuckwoww]

In all seriousness I highly recommend writing as the best therapy. It gives you a sense of detachment and objectivity. You can even slap a title on it, have it published and flog a few copies to your mates. There is a burning need for more books about fucking up in Bangkok.

[Mark]

Don't listen to any of this shite. You could get killed by a bus tomorrow.

 

Go for it...... Get wasted!

 

People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry: scoring. When you're off it you are suddenly obliged to worry about all sorts of other shite. Got no money: can't get pished. Got money: drinking too much. Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never fucking wins, about human relationships and all the things that really don't matter when you've got a sincere and truthful junk habit.

 

 

[junglesoup]

Trainspotting, great quote. Havent read or seen the film for a few years. Must read the book again.

[buddha]

ah, yesss....a terrific night out. I bumped into an old bar girl friend of more than 6 years. One of the first ladies I ever barfined. We had a long talk, throughout which she kept mentioning how I never used to drink so much.

 

I do appreciate the responses, people trying to give me a heads up.

 

I really take to heart what you have communicated bibbles, yet I teeter totter over to what mark has to say. Mr. ChuckWoww has an excellent suggestion and I am keeping a journal, I don't think I will title it but who knows.

 

I should reiterate that I do not believe that I am addicted to anything except being incredibly selfish and really dumb. Part of the problem is a real steady streak of dumb luck that hasn't reared it's gorgeous head in a while.

 

I'm not depressed in a clinical way. I mean when I wake up in the morning after a real bender I am down, but I bounce back quickly.

 

I really liked what HeartThais had to say: 'I don't think it's your lifestyle that's causing your deteriorating mental state but the other way around.'

 

I realize that some big changes are in order. I can snap to myself or continue at this rate for about 2 months until I am really, really B-R-O-K-E as in no cash, assets, and about $65k in debt.

 

I think the problem is that I really don't give a shit about anything. I'm not normal, I live to a moral standard that most would find deplorable, I am educated and skilled yet have no passion in my field, and finding the motivation to pursue a position in that field is non existent.

 

Would the monks take me? I don't think they would. Showing up would be a tremendous act of hypocrisy.

 

There definitely needs to be a change, but is it in my actions or my outlook on where I want to be. Perhaps I should just head out into the jungle and live off the land. Perhaps homelessness in bangkok will make me happy. Maybe I'm not cut out for what we call a normal existence.

 

I still have a smile on my face and a cheerful outlook. I'm not at rock bottom but I feel that i know the way there and it isn't too far. Perhaps I need to visit and see what it is like.

 

Last night I decided not to slow down. I'm enjoying myself, and shit always seems to work itself out so fuck it. I realize that I have completely lost my bearing and possibly my mind. I am not functioning rationally but I am also not making a plea for help.