going nuts....

[ChristianTroy]

Enjoy yourself, go out every night and be a little bit more easy on the booze and the cigs! One morning you will wake up and the temptation is gone, either tomorrow or in 40 years! If you die 10 years earlier.....! So what....? The last 10 years are the crappiest anyways. At least you have lived a life you enjoyed instead of trying to make the front page of a Pottery Barn catalog!

[Fidel]

Hey Buddha,

 

I dunno what your field is, but maybe you need to find a different field. I was stuck in a rut for a while in LOS. Going nowhere, but at least I had a sensible GF to keep my drinking under some kind of control.

 

I basically took a bit of a leap. Left Thailand after 3 years straight, borrowed a little money, went back to school, and found something I really like doing, something I'm happy to apply myself to.

 

While you say you're enjoying yourself now, you have to ask yourself why, if that is the case, you are posting this stuff up here. If you're going to do it then you might as well try to enjoy it.

 

Also, you should maybe begin making some kind of plan before your nest egg runs out. If you run out of cash then you probably will be at rock bottom, then there's no guarantee that you will put the pieces back together.

 

I watched a good friend of mine in LOS go down a path similar to the one you're describing. Drinking every day from 5pm (his watershed) to sunrise the following morning, every day, for over 3 years.

 

His Farang wife filed for divorce on the basis of abandonment, cleaned out their joint bank accounts and got the house. His money ran out. He started teaching. He hated it. As his situation worsened, he became paranoid and withdrew from the social scene. He would still go to the bars, but instead of chatting to his mates/other punters, he would pick a girl and stare at her with his "terminator eyes".

 

To make things worse, he refused to pay for it, which resulted in the house I shared with him filling up with disgruntled, upset BGs who thought he loved them. Some of them took their payment themselves (wedding ring stolen, cash nicked).

 

Anyway. To cut a long story short. He lost his job and ended up living miles out of town with a family, tutoring the kids in maths for board. When he finally got another decent job, he started drinking again, putting the beers on tab.

 

Then one night, just before his first paycheck came in, he drove his motor cycle into a crash barrier and died. Some say it was suicide, but I don't know.

 

All that's left of him now is a shrine, upstairs in a bar, with the photo from his funeral (which I had to have blown up from his passport photo) and the urn with his bones, a packet of LM Daeng and a bottle of Bia Chang, which the girls change for him from time to time. They also light up a smoke for him a couple of times a day.

 

So, I dunno what the moral of that story is. I have a feeling that if you're still in enough control to post this stuff on thai360.com, you're nowhere near rock bottom, and you'll easily pull yourself together, when you really have to. It usually doesn't take long to get back in control.

 

It's when you disappear from the board, cos your too fucked up or poor to go to an internet cafe, that people on the board should start to worry.

[HeartThais]

I think the problem is that I really don't give a shit about anything. I'm not normal, I live to a moral standard that most would find deplorable, I am educated and skilled yet have no passion in my field, and finding the motivation to pursue a position in that field is non existent.

 

Last night I decided not to slow down. I'm enjoying myself, and shit always seems to work itself out so fuck it. I realize that I have completely lost my bearing and possibly my mind. I am not functioning rationally but I am also not making a plea for help.

 

These are not normal thought patterns of a healthy brain. I know because I've been there and said almost exactly the same things. Now I look back at that time and can't believe it was me.

 

You can't analyze yourself using your own brain. If your mind is distorted, not only is your ability to assess your present situation distorted, but experiences and ideas you draw from are also distorted. Your ability to reason is affected. The problem with some of this advice is that they are assuming incorrectly that you are capable of rational thought. Based on your posts, I don't think you are.

[Nervous_Dog]

Take up a hobby, photography is good! Document your downfall and recovery

[The_Munchmaster]

A mate of mine lost his job in Bangkok because of his drinking, but about the same time started living with a lady who supported him financially (she's quite well known in SC, owns a few bars there). He kept up the drinking and never made any real effort to get any work after that and when she eventually (after a couple of years)kicked him out he had nothing. Candyfloss and myself tried to help him get a job over in Dubai but although he showed interest we knew that he really didn't want or intend to leave LOS. He had been taking medicine for high blood pressure for years but eventually couldn't afford it anymore. Not long after he died of a heart attack, aged 41.

[buddha]

HeartThais : "If your mind is distorted"

 

I understand where you are coming from. I do appreciate and understand the suggestion. Who among us can claim to have anything but 'distorted mind' when you consider how the average thai360 member spends an evening in bangkok. Do you think for a second if you shared the actual details of your next weekend out in bangkok with a female employee in the US, a cousins, sister, whatever, she would consider you normal? Not distorted?

 

I'm pretty lucid. I know what I'm doing.

 

Anyone ever read 'Into The Wild'?

 

Munchie I do not mean to make light of your friends demise, believe me when i say I am sincerely sorry for any loss suffered in your buddies passing, but:

 

'when she eventually (after a couple of years)kicked him out'

 

'After a couple years' sounds pretty good to me.

 

five beers into a nice buzz I'm off to soi cowboy to find support and solace. That was exactly what I needed to hear. With any luck I'll be around to see you eat your hat on dec 6. I'll be the guy courting all the older ladies.

 

A girl told me last night that bar bar is a big success for all the ladies working there and that the gogo was created through bar-bar profits...

[bibblies]

Jeez.

 

I have to laugh at the people who are wasting their time taking this seriously, as though this guy's sincere.

 

He said it right here in front of you:

 

"Please don't get cauught up in feeling sorry for me, i don't. The purpose of the thread was not for pity just to document my spiral...."

 

He thinks he's Hemingway!

 

Leaving Las Vegas, a beat poet, something like that.

 

He just wants to get and wallow in attention.

 

You have to DO the things and WRITE the book (and it to be any good) first before you get the praise and attention, buddha! Hundreds of millions of people can do the other bits.

 

For now, you're competing for attention and praise with the likes of Somchai, the dirty, drugged out beggar rambling along the street.

 

I prefer Somchai at the moment. I don't care about you. Frankly, he's got more talent. I've got his poster on the wall, not yours.

 

Somchai! Somchai!

[HeartThais]

He's more like Bukowski.

[HeartThais]

Who among us can claim to have anything but 'distorted mind' when you consider how the average thai360 member spends an evening in bangkok. Do you think for a second if you shared the actual details of your next weekend out in bangkok with a female employee in the US, a cousins, sister, whatever, she would consider you normal? Not distorted?

 

I'm pretty lucid. I know what I'm doing.

 

If you really understood what I was saying, you wouldn't have replied as such. Of course you think you know what you are doing. My entire point is that you can't try and assess yourself with your own brain. Your brain is telling you that you are special and that normal social conventions don't apply to you.

 

The fact that you are connecting the occasional whoring with what you are doing makes it obvious to me you are sick. What would you think if an alcoholic drinking himself to death said, 'Well, to a teetotaler, the guy who drinks a glass of wine every night is out of control too.' You'd say he's lost his mind. Well, you probably wouldn't because you've lost your mind. But in a normal state, you'd see how ridiculous that statement is.

[junglesoup]

I think I know where Buddha is coming from. I know from my own experience. Sometimes i would tell people I know or my friends about my going mad escapades. Tales of drinking to extremes, going for 3 days without sleep, going a week with only a few hours sleep, not eating well,sleeping with women, ending up in random places with random people etc.

 

Now sometimes people would think I was telling them because I was crying for attention...far from it. I was more proud of being able to do these things, to be the last one standing. I was proud of my drinking achievements...I would be telling people because I thought it was interesting and some funny stuff happens.

 

Now some people no doubt will think that it is an illness to be proud of drinking alot. Maybe...but I was brought up in a culture where it was a sign of achivement to drink alot.

 

so maybe Buddha is only documenting whats going on in his life. Maybe he really isnt asking for pity. I think you know Buddha that maybe your playing at it a bit hard at the minute. But you know you will stop sooner or later. The fact that you are talking about "going out of control" means you are still in control.

 

people who are really fucked up dont even ask these questions. Dont even see it as something to document on a web board. why?

 

because its become so normal to them that it just seems the norm.

 

What you term as a blackout Buddha is nt really a blackout. I ve blackout for a couple of days before...thats nothing. If you are coming round and you caNT account for a week or a month, then you have a problem.