MooNoi Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 How do you handle it? I had a really good chat with a friend yesterday (no, I wasn't talking to myself, either!), and he raised some interesting issues that I would like various thoughts on from you guys. With regards to the title of the thread ("When Your Teerak Has Sex With Other Guys"), I am talking about you guys who have a "special girl" in Thailand when you don't live there. Not about your wife having an extra-marital affair etc. My friend is very experienced in the scene in LOS. He's mid-30's, average looks and a decent sort of guy. He's been going there for years and doesn't fall for a lot of the bullshit that goes on from the girls. (Until now? ) He has never fallen for a bargirl before. I think he has now! He's generally a cynical guy about the bar scene, and has always been a "have your fun and forget about 'em" kind of person - same as me. However, he's started talking seriously about a girl he has been seeing in Pattaya. The Low-Down on Her: *27 *Very attractive looks *Excellent English *Divorced 1 year ago after 3 year marriage to a Norwegian guy His last 3 trips to Pattaya he has spent *ALL* his time with this lady. This is really unlike him. He is normally jao-choo maak maak! The first trip he was paying her on a daily basis as you would a regular bar girl. Half-way through the second visit, she said she didn't want any more money from him, and said she cared about him and simply enjoyed his company. Last trip, no money in terms of daily "payment" changed hands at all. Apart from paying her bar fine every day, meals, the odd small trinket here-and-there, there was no daily payment for his 8 day stay in Pattaya. It wasn't even mentioned and she never asked for it. Maybe she is thinking that at age 27 her "shelf-life" is approaching the expiry date in terms of bar work, and she doesn't want to be one of the old women sitting at a beer bar wondering where her next bowl of som-tam will come from, so she better find herself a man. The girl in question knows that he will not "sponsor" her and send her money whilst he is not in LOS. He's told her this from the start. She says she is fine with this, but she is up-front about the fact that she has to keep working if this is the case. He told me that he is serious about a relationship with her in the future. He has a couple of issues in his life at the moment that need attention, and he wouldn't be able to move back to LOS or bring her out to his country for another year or so. He has told her this, and she is fine with it. She says she is happy to live in LOS or a farang country. (She has lived in Norway for 3 years before, so is aware about the potential pitfalls of living in a farang country). She sms's him a couple of times every day, and calls him occaisionally. They also chat every day on MSN. Seems peachy. Maybe she really is "one of the good ones", but that's not the point. The point that he's finding it hard to deal with is that she's having sex with other guys whilst saying she cares for him and wants to be with him. He is fully-aware that this "part of the job description" for what she does. He knows that the fact he's not sponsoring her means she's going to keep working in the bar. But he'd rather know she was working in the bar until he can sort things out than send big sponsorship money over for her to "not work bar" and he gets ripped-off while she really still is working shaking her booty every night. He is sure there must be some genuine affection towards him from her side as she has stayed with him quite a few days in the past without asking for cash when she could have been making dough every night with other punters. (And she's quite a popular girl who doesn't often have problems getting bar fined). And the fact that she makes an effort to contact him every day, and also that she insists on paying for some of their outings when they're together. Yest depsite this, I kind of agree with his concerns: - How can he possibly think she's sincere about him when she's fucking one or two guys every other night? It's very easy to say "its her job" and then argue that she can seperate the sex for money she performs as part of her job from the "making love" she supposedly enjoys with him. He asked her about it, and she told him that the sex with other guys is only sex for money and she just blanks-out and doesn't feel any emotion when she has sex with her customers. You can't tell me that out of *ALL* the customers she goes with there isn't the occaisional punter she enjoys having sex with?? If you think about it, if you used a girl who wasn't a hooker as an example, would you bother with someone who says "I love you and care about you" but still screws other guys? No way. But because she's a hooker, (sorry if that sounds derogatory, but at the end of the day it's what she does for a job!), he, (and many other guys), put up with it. If she really did care about him and his feelings, and really "doesn't enjoy what she has to do for work" (as she apparently says) wouldn't she go and get a job as a waitress, or in an office or something until he can sort things out with her? If she really does care about him and want to be with him, wouldn't she be sensitive to his feelings about what she does for a living and change her job? One part of me would really like to see him have a go at this relationship and see if he can find some happiness in his life with a girl that does seem sincere. (I have met her many times when with him. I'm cynical about BG's in terms of relationships, but even I have to admit she does seem like a really nice girl). The other part of me wants to tell him to get his act together and start thinking straight and forget about the whole thing. How do you guys who have a special girl in LOS who is still working in the scene handle the fact she fucks other men and has their dicks in her mouth while saying that she supposedly cares about you? (Sorry to sound crude but to me, that's how it is). Interested in your thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumsoda Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Piggy, Piggy, Piggy, This is one of the hardest things in life anyone could EVER have to cope with....Trust me on this one!!! Your post could be about ME....except we didn't talk yesterday......I'm a couple of years older than the guy you're talking about....and I'm not average looking...I'm Movie Star material!!!...lol... Seeing I'm on a plane tomorrow, I really don't want to "Think 2 much" about this whole scenario...but fuck knows....I live it every...HOUR....every day...and have done so for well over a year now... You know me reasonably well......and you know of the situation that I'm currently in..... Just shut your eyes and think about the look on my face when we have discussed this very same issue..... or the tears I've shed during such discussions...... It's NOT easy....It's fucking hard....soooo hard... I think what has held it together (for me anyway)...is the fact that it is 100% TOTALLY unconditional two way feelings.... Last October, I tried to walk away....something happened that pissed me off and I said Goodbye.... That lasted for about 2 and a halF days..... I know I'm gunna get canned for saying this....but don't give a flying Daffy Duck...I won't have time to read the posts over the next couple of weeks... SOMETIMES....just sometimes....things are REAL.... sometimes "something" happens between 2 people, that is Special...and DIFFERENT.... Coping with this sort of situation that flies in the face of everything our "western" upbringing has ingrained into us since we could first talk.....is a "Challenge"...to put it mildly. I wish your mate....every success... Hope he has been lucky and found something REALLY special... Only TIME will tell.. will be happy to discuss further over a few "Calming" Dum soda's next week Cheers DS...(& sometimes DC) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Encore Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Been there, done that. Basically, he can't have his cake and eat it too. A girl's gotta live. Right now she has a job, she's good at it, and makes a good income. Does he realy expect her to chuck the job, go plant rice for 100 bt per day 10 hrs in the burning sun, because he made some vague promises she doesn't know are reliable? If he can't handle it, he should put up a monthly stipend that keeps her in reasonable affluence until he comes back. He can organise that she does something useful, maybe go to school or so. Whether she's faithfull is up to her then. The benefit would be he then knows 'maybe she doesn't screw other guys' rather then 'she will certainly be screwing womoene else right now' I have been in a situation of having a BG friend, whom I really was keen on. I realised that at that stage, I couldn't marry, or even committ. I put up with it, it was a job. Don't think too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Moo Noi, your post is very detailed about your "friends" situation. Are you sure it's not you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartThais Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Your friend just needs to put this in perspective and if I may say so politely, he is not ready for this relationship and should end it now. If I understand the situation correctly... For whatever reason, he's fallen in love with a hooker. He doesn't have the means or the will to get the hooker to stop hooking. And yet he takes it personally when the hooker keeps hooking even after she falls in love with him. WTF? Does he think that this girl became a hooker because she thought it would be fun?! Rolling around naked with disgusting people for a living is a path taken out of desperation. People have got to let go of this fantasy that Thai whores are using prostitution to try and meet eligible farang men. That may be a secondary or tertiary goal for some but the primary goal is to survive and provide for their families. Unless he is willing to take away that necessity, he really has no basis for asking her to stop fucking other men for money. Even if she's fucking other men for free, a case could be made that since she is in the powerless position, she needs to widen her net tos secure her future. Think of how many times these young girls have gotten burned by guys who fall in love and then forget them after 3 months away in their hometowns. In any case, I can already tell that your friend does not have the mental makeup to have a relationship with a hooker. Even if she stops fucking other men, he will always be filled with self-doubt. His mind will be filled with thoughts like, "Maybe she doesn't really love me... she just sees me as her meal ticket out of her shitty life." If he is questioning what I consider to be the most obvious and defensible aspect of her professional life, how is he going to deal with any of the grayer areas? A successful relationship with a hooker is a catch-22. Only men with the utmost confidence can do it and the men with that confidence almost always have better options. The exceptions we see are the successful older guys who have done everything they need to in life and are ready to settle down with a pretty young thing (or two or three or dozen). But I think these guys know exactly what they want and what they are getting into. They aren't the ones up all night wondering if their tee-lak's feelings are true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooNoi Posted June 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Moo Noi, your post is very detailed about your "friends" situation. Are you sure it's not you? We're very good mates and had a big long chat yesterday. We talk often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 That didn't answer the question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooNoi Posted June 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 Very, VERY good post, HT. Some really interesting observations there. The only part I feel you have got wrong is this: Unless he is willing to take away that necessity, he really has no basis for asking her to stop fucking other men for money. He has not asked her to stop hooking. He knows this is what she does for a job and accepts it. I think he's just having a hard time accepting the fact that a hooker says she has feelings for him and enjoys his company. Maybe he's been around the scene too long and is, by now, far too cynical to consider a relationship with a BG of any description? But some really interesting thoughts in your post. Are you talking from experience by any chance? Been there, done that? Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooNoi Posted June 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 That didn't answer the question. No it didn't I guess. But would it make a difference if it was? I don't think so, Munchie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted June 22, 2007 Report Share Posted June 22, 2007 No it didn't I guess. Why not? No But would it make a difference if it was? Yes. No I don't think so, Munchie. You sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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