The Western Men, are they kind or gullible?

[bibblies]

"It is also happens with the Thai females who are from rich families, perhaps, things are given too much/often that the values are less appreciated."

 

 

 

Don't take this comparison too literally, but I often used to weigh up in my mind whether it was a good idea to take in a dog that had had a very tough life (because its former owners had been cruel to it), on the basis that it was a good thing to do and it would be more grateful and loving later on, or if it could prove to be a mistake because the dog may have been driven bad, beyond help by its previous experience.

 

 

[check_bin_krap]

"Don't take this comparison too literally, but I often used to weigh up in my mind whether it was a good idea to take in a dog that had had a very tough life (because its former owners had been cruel to it), on the basis that it was a good thing to do and it would be more grateful and loving later on, or if it could prove to be a mistake because the dog may have been driven bad, beyond help by its previous experience"

 

 

 

Sometimes when you try to help someone in deep shit you end up there yourself. The good intensions you have get abused, and you end up more bitter from it. And probably the worst part is that the person you intended to help is no better off because it was just wasted....

 

 

 

Sad really.

[phoenix]

cbk >Sometimes when you try to help someone in deep shit you end up there yourself. <

 

 

 

True!

 

 

 

>The good intensions you have get abused, and you end up more bitter from it. And probably the worst part is that the person you intended to help is no better off because it was just wasted.... <

 

 

 

I think the secret is not getting bitter from it. And the person you're trying to help ( I can think of 2 examples that landed me in deep shit) sometimes can end up better off. Sometimes it isn't wasted.

 

 

 

I ended up in deep shit as a result of what started off as trying to help my friend Tuk, an ex Thai BG student in my country with her studies. It got messy, partly bcause I was naive and didn't see how she very deliberately set out to get me into bed, working on it over an extended period. It messed up a lot, but in the end, she finished her studies and graduated, against all original expectations. I'm pretty sure that without my help, she wouldn't have made it. She now has a good job, and I'm not bitter, just wiser (I hope).

[thalenoi]

How late I jump unto this interesting thread!

 

 

 

I have always avoided giving money in my relationships. In my western world none of them were poor anyway.

 

 

 

Once I started travelling to LOS I began giving money to BG for paid sex. But then you know how fast the line between "sex" and companionship fades when you stay for some time with the same lady. I for one don't like what we call ST's here. I prefer having someone around who can educate me with Thai manners, food, language. Travelling together with a local is just superb.

 

 

 

Soon you realise the money you give is 10% for sex, 90% for companionship. That brings us to western values, which as you mention, are not very different from Asian values.

 

 

 

I am in my first real deep relationship with a thai lady and for the first time I have been giving money beyond my will and capacity.

 

You read her story about her parents requesting money to buy land. One hour before I left to farangland (to try to sort out my financial troubles) one week ago she was crying and saying "sorry for the money I asked you" In fact, except the "land" money, she hardly asks anything and she feels distressed because of these sudden clouds hanging above our heads. We have been talking about building a house before I was hit with these unexpected money issues, maybe she was also mentionning that. She added: "I don't care about a house, I just want to be with you"

 

 

 

The money I give her can never compensate the happiness she gives me. There is something fundamentally different in relationships with thai females that make the difference.

[Guest]

I totally agree with you.

 

 

 

Many on this board will never understand.

 

 

 

The rest have already been there OR still are.

 

 

 

I can only hope that some will find a solution to this conumdrum. (sp)

 

 

 

Life is hard for all.

 

 

 

Making it real and better for all concerned is even harder.

 

 

 

But, it is all that is real.

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

I find myself hesitate to say anything about the parents? demand. I feel that your lady sure wishes there was none/less and she is caught between you and her parents. I was never in that situation with my immediate family and it is not that they are rich, just very modest. However, if it happens to me, I am sure I will choose my husband for my family believes likewise also. But a few extended family members tried a few times. Listening to my mother, I helped a first cousin out once and it was a mistake. I have learnt my lesson that money is temporary help and can be wasted.

 

?The money I give her can never compensate the happiness she gives me?

 

Very good to know that and I do hope things will work out.

 

 

 

Cheers!

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

 

 

"offered to take him to the restaurant at the nearby railway station. At that point the man started cursing my friend."

 

 

 

Once, at my insistence, my husband and I stopped at a street corner in front a guy who held a sign "Will work for food". We offered him a Burger King hamburger that we just bought, he said he prefer money, he did not eat hamburgers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cheers!

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

 

 

?It got messy, partly bcause I was naive and didn't see how she very deliberately set out to get me into bed, working on it over an extended period.?

 

 

 

It could be just a personal attraction or you were the next post to cling on. From my experience, good intention is good intention, period but it could misconstrued. I knew a dear man whose marriage and career almost got destroyed from a good intent to help a ?damsel in distressed?, it was a hard lesson learnt. My husband is a very kind man, and we need to keep the communication very open and consult each other in all aspects.

 

 

 

Reading a few stories and this site?s posts, I still maintain that some wonderful men from the West are too trusting to a point of being gullible. Perhaps ?gullible? is a little too strong word. The story of the man who is running from his murderer wife, I don?t know what to call or say about him!!!

 

 

 

I realize that love does make us want to give to the loved ones, and kindness makes us want to erase sufferings, but how far can ones give? There is a verse in Buddhism that says (hope the translation makes sense), ?Help only when ones are able and do not hurt the self?. Then, for the people who ask, ?Make sure that the asking does not hurt the self of the one being asked?.

 

 

 

Cheers!

 

 

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

 

 

"if it could prove to be a mistake because the dog may have been driven bad, beyond help by its previous experience."

 

 

 

Or it is "bad" long enough that it cannot turn around even if it wants too, are we talking about male or female dogs? Stay away from those "dogs", if you know what's good for you.

 

 

 

Kidding aside, I consider myself "gullible", got burned many times, especially on money with Thais. I seem to feel that I can help!

 

 

 

Cheers!

 

 

[bibblies]

I may be wrong but I think there's something in the Bible about this. Basically, you give your charity with good intentions and an open heart and it's up to other people whether they take advantage of you or not.