farang $tatu$ and thai women

[JJsushi]

I think the money or security thing is considered by any woman when it comes to a mate or potential mate.

 

A number of years ago I had a farang GF who did some small time runway and fashion modeling made decent money but nothing huge. I was a bond trader and I SERIOUSLY subsidized her lifestyle. Well I got the grand idea to leave the biz and went to a technology startup. I gave up the six figure income, car service, instant reservations at the best eateries, VIP treatment at clubs, weekend jaunts to the Carribean,dinner parties, New York socialite crap, premium Broadway and concert tickets. I even downsized from my 2000 square foot, 3bdr Brownstone duplex to a 600 square foot studio apartment.

Well the chick couldn't adjust to the change in lifestyle. We had problems everyday once it sunk in that I wasn't making that kind of money anymore. We broke up, got back together and broke up and got back together during a 2yr period, while I was trying to get the startup going. We even went to "counseling" at her request.

I finally called it quits and went back to Wall St. That must have been the happiest day in her life.

The one thing that struck me during that entire period was that before I quit my job she was talking about marriage and planning weddings and ring shopping. When I quit my job the marriage stuff never came up. When I went back to my old job she started talking that marriage stuff again. I kicked her to the curb 6mos later.

 

 

What I learned from that was that ALL WOMEN WANT FINANCIAL SECURITY AND LOVE! There is no either or. They may take one for now but they are always expecting the other to come at some point during the relationship. Thai women are no different and it doesn't matter if they are with a farang or a Thai man. I may be inclined to think that they will initially feel that a farang man has more potential in the financial arena but that perception will be adjusted during the course of the relationship. Farang/Farang, Thai/Farang relationships is irrelevant and doesn't make a bit of difference. There is only Man/Woman relationships

[Stickman]

I agree that the 50 / 50 split may not necessarily be abut money. I told my wife that we can either have a modern Western style relationship where we pay 50 / 50, we split the chores 50 / 50 and everything is even. I then offered the traditional Thai alternative whereby I earn everything but she does everything at home. The final one, a compromise was that I pay most of the bills, but she does most of the work around the house. I think troubles arise when one person doesn’t pull their fair share, whatever that may be. Both parties need to contribute to the relationship equally, in one way or another.

 

Stick

[JJsushi]

Stickman said:

I agree that the 50 / 50 split may not necessarily be abut money. I told my wife that we can either have a modern Western style relationship where we pay 50 / 50, we split the chores 50 / 50 and everything is even. I then offered the traditional Thai alternative whereby I earn everything but she does everything at home. The final one, a compromise was that I pay most of the bills, but she does most of the work around the house. I think troubles arise when one person doesn’t pull their fair share, whatever that may be. Both parties need to contribute to the relationship equally, in one way or another.

 

Stick

I hope your relationship works but I personally have never witnessed a successful 50/50 relationship. Some people are just stronger in some areas than others. There are leaders and followers also you can never have 2 captains on one ship

I was always of the mindset that a relationship was an ebb and flow kind of thing rather than a quantitative 50/50.

 

The 50/50 pay the bill thing never works either in my experience. The successfully married people I know do more of a joint pooling of income where all bills are paid out of the pool and then each spouse receives an allownace from that pool. The other is where the man handles all of the finances or the couple alternates on handling the finaces for certain time periods. 50/50? I have never seen it.

[Central Scrutinizer]

THAIHOME said:

Cent, Excellent reply.

 

Key point to me is there is no answer to the queston does she love me for my money or not. Your money or income is part who you are. How a dramatic change in that changes your relationship, depends on how it changes you.

TH

 

 

 

Thaihome,

 

Thanks. I disagree, mildly, probably with the semantics rather than the thought expressed, that our money/income is a part of "who we are". Many men making good money and a good income with a "status" job are entirely indifferent to the money itself, or any so-called "status" this job brings to them. It's the work that is their love, the challenge, their dream job as being what they love to do, almost more of a hobby they love that luckily also brings in a good income. I think it would be better phrased to say we are "percieved by others" as to our incomes being a part of who and what we are. As if our income is a part of our total personality as percieved by others who care about such stuff, when usually for the most part this is not the case. I myself don't judge my self worth by my net worth or income, or the worth of another man or woman by their "income" or the trappings of success. Neither do I feel most women do this. It's the person, and how he or she behaves toward others that most women respond to I've seen. Not what he has, or doesn't have materially, to a certain extent anyways. (I mean hey, we have a guy in the neighborhood, from outside the hood, who comes around collecting trash from the bins. The ladies aren't throwing themselves at him, even though he might be the nicest, most loving and caring guy in the world. So yes, to that extent it is right to say money matters, or status matters, but even this means he "chooses" to do this and to have this status, as he is fairly young, (maybe around 30) in good shape, and has the "POTENTIAL" to do otherwise, even just as a farm hand picking/planting/harvesting rice. Which is probably a better "status" job here than being a trash picker/aluminum recycler. :-) He's probably, and I say this because I've seen a lot of Thai guys like this around the country, another "lao khao" addict with a broken heart and little will to change his life and rid himself of this foul addiction.)

 

Here in Thailand though what I hear most often from the women as to what they desire in a mate it is usually, first off, "a good heart". (This can mean various things, but usually means a nice, happy, easy going sorta guy.) Then comes the good, steady, job, "take care me and our babies" stuff. But the good heart is the first looked for quality. They aren't mostly looking for a rich man, just a stable caring man who knows the importance for a lass of supplying the necessities of life for his woman and family, and a bit extra for an inexpensive nice short vacation once in a few months, and a nice meal out on occasion. A nice happy man, who places their well being before his own, or at least along with his own, not below it, in the list of importance. Thai women are nothing if not "family first" in their lives. As I feel most women are really. "Big money" is secondary I feel to most women, an extra that is great to have, but for most of them I feel they just want to be "comfortable", secure and stable, without having to always worry about money. They want a good life, not Bill Gate's wife's life. And here in the LOS we as a farang have a much easier time of providing this "comfort" zone. The living expenses here are much less if you have some sort of steady income. Lots easier to do here rather than in the west. ($25,000 USD after taxes a year can provide one with a very comfortable lifestyle here, even with a wife and family to provide for, especially outside of the BKK area and sanuk zones!)

 

Just MHO. ::

 

Cent

[Guest]

Hi P.127

 

About money matter, i can tell you truely that i never let my boyfriend pay for my stuff as i always pay by myself. I paid for my airfare to visit him in europe. and last trip, i spend my money 45,000 thb for 1 month and 2 weeks while we were together but of course, he spent more .around 80,000 Thb. he never sends me even 1 baht in monthly.. . And i dont have a buffalo, so i can't tell him to pay for my buffalo's sick....

Hmm.. as we are together almost 2 years, we never mention about money because we each know that both of us still works and still young :: My boyfriend isn't millionaire..And i'm a little proud of myself that i don't need himi to support my financial.... even i have to spend more than usual when being together with him.. My salary is ok for myself ...a little more than thai employee in thai company.

 

Just in my case...

JAA JA

[ThaiHome]

Another great post, you are on a roll.

I certainly agree that what Thai women mostly want in a man is a "good heart" and all things that you describe as it meaning.

 

You will notice that what is missing from list of "good heart" things is "Worrying about people ripping me off. And worrying about it to the point I that I begin to think my wife/gf only loves me for my money"

 

Didn't see "Cheap Charlie" on the list either... ::

TH

[dsab]

I don`t think thai woman are any different to woman in the west. I know as a fact, that my wife loves me because of who I am, and not for my money. There are moneygrabber in Thailand and in the West, the same as with decent and caring woman, who don`t care about money at all.

 

What would have happened, if I would have been suddenly unemployed while still living in Europe? I am sure she would have sent money to me. That`s the way she is. If she would have been in for the big money, she wouldn`t have married me, but she would have married one of her wealthy friends or thai colle.

 

Now we are married, and she is the one who takes care of all money issues, and she does it well. And I am sure there are many more woman like that.

[Guest lazyphil]

Not a gtg experience originally our RT was based on me having a fat wad of dough in my back pocket but after almost a year of being in LOS with her it ran out and it was time to go home she knew I was no hot shot big earner and had to get work on return--not long after she got a job and now earns not alot less than me (which isn't saying a lot really ) and with her tips as much--as for house work etc its swings and roundabouts as to who feels like doing it--she deals with littlun and I do the housework--on the whole. Joint account--two years we came back here with no money after a year of partying in LOS together now we've a house in England and one just finished built near bkk--a bit of effort, trust and commitment and anythings possible!

[check_bin_krap]

I would not expect a 50/50 deal in a relationship or marriage. What is more fair is sharing based upon salary. In my previous Thai/farang marriage we shared all costs on a 60/40 basis, but if one of us wanted something useful to just one of us it was paid by that person (ex paid her car herself for example).

 

In my current relationship (with an Asian girl, not Thai), I am the only one with a salary so the burden is on me. But when my fiancee finishes her education and gets a job I expect the same kind of deal.

 

Cheers!

[..]

My situation is unique, I assume. Yes, I make a good bit of money. But my wife's family and what she was accustomed to when single is far more that I could ever give her. And she gets gifts (asset redistributions more correctly) from her family that makes her net worth far greater than mine (e.g., several Bangkok shophouses, 400 rai of land in Ayutthaya, etc.). Since she is educated and easily bored, she works just to keep busy (real estate, exporting, travel agent, etc.), not for the dough.

 

That said, there was a time not so many years ago when I was unemployed for two years and we used up all of our savings; also had an investment go south which really drained us to empty. We were living hand-to-mouth for several months and she *had* to work to help support the family. There was no change in our relationship. We are in it together and have no thoughts of changing partners.

 

Oh yeah -- married 15 years, two natural daughters & two adpopted ones, and still happy. I am very lucky & I know it.

 

So does that make me one of P127s 5% that made it? Dunno, but I have many farang/Thai couple friends who are similarly successful in their marriages. Much more than 5% of my total T/F couple friends. The common factor is, however, that all of these couples are closly matched in age/education/social status. I think that that is the main factor for a realtionship to work. I mean, multi-cultural relationships are hard enough without the added baggage of "May-December," "MBA vs 5th grade education," "upper middle class vs. rice farmer's daughter," etc. Ask yourself guys, would you date a girl like this back home? Be honest and forget the sensual/sexy/beautiful/Thai bit and concentrate on the woman that is behind all that. The "Pretty Woman" Hollywood fantasy is just that and most often doomed to failure. Just my humble opinion. I am sure that there are exceptions. YMMV.

 

Cheers,

SD