farang $tatu$ and thai women

[MaiLuk]

>>how much is our status as the better-paid/moneyed farang counting in having a steady RT

 

 

My gf is told constantly by other TGs: "I want a farang boyfriend." They say this once they see the gf's situation (no money problems). And they don't ask for a hansum farang or a nice farang or intelligent honorable loyal farang. They just ask for a farang. ::

[Zaad]

P127,

 

Although my wife's got a better job, I do earn more than she does. But the reason for this is because she's (still) working as a dentist in the army. Once her mom retires and gives her clinic to her daughter, she'll earn a lot more.

We are not rich and money has never played a significant part in our relationship. Our relationship would not (and never will) depend on this factor only.

We have been through too much together to have a relationship which is primarily based on money.

[pattaya127]

but I consider money to be the least important factor in the relationship.

-----------------------------

yes, but does she? If you were to earn about as little as she does, would the RT change?

I Just want to add that my topic was not about being used by Tgs for one's money with no love given, only lies. On the other hand, i think most thai women living with a farang would not understand or take well that his income deflates or stay equal to what she is earning herself, unless she makes a lot of money or the farang has done a valuable contribution (like farming land, or business investment) to the household beforehand.

Also, this is not about farang or men being natural providers, but being able to provide 50/50 only.

Definitely not about me either, I just like to find out what people think about certain aspects of thai/farang RTs.

[Old Hippie]

I know in my last serious stateside relationship, the incomes were similar, trouble started when I lost my job/income...it was a different story when I had the big income and she had non... I think ANY relationship is about money, no matter where or who... Very rarely in the states do you see people marring outside their class...

[ThaiHome]

"Also, this is not about farang or men being natural providers, but being able to provide 50/50 only. "

 

But why does the 50/50 split have to be about how much each person earns? Isn't the 50/50 split about what each person contributes to the relationship?

I have been married before to a woman that made more then I did, and it all went into a common pool, nevertheless, at the end of the day, she didn't contribute 50/50 to relationship. That is why she (actualy me) is gone.

TH

[ThaiHome]

Old Hippie said:

I think ANY relationship is about money, no matter where or who...

 

Only for people that define themselves by how much money they have... or not.

TH

[Central Scrutinizer]

P127,

 

Interesting question/post, which has been done before in other threads, but still seems to warrant further discussion. It's weird sometimes that people just seem to think that Thai women are really any different than other women. They really aren't. Oh, there are some customs and beliefs which differ from western women, but for the most part I've seen they are just that.....women, in all the varying shades of womenhood. GTG's can be and are just as trustworthy, loving, respectable, into love as the driving force in a relationship as are western women, some of them, most of them. Each woman is an individual, as is each man. Whether former bargirl, still working bargirl, GTG, poor GTG, middle-class educated in university GTG, etc. (As I've never met a truly RICH GTG, or otherwise RICH Good Thai Woman (GTW), I can't really comment on this strata of the Thai woman. Although I do see my fair share of these women as represented in the Thai TV soap operas, and fail to see why the hell anyone would want anything to do with these whackos! :-))

 

I see and interact and deal with Thai women on a daily basis up here in Surin. As neighbors, friends of the family, customers for our shop, relatives of my wife, wives of Thai friends of mine, school chums of my daughter's, grandmothers, wives, single ladies, teachers, divorced ladies, widowed ladies, married ladies, young and old, fat and skinny, well off financially and poor, or somewhere inbetween, educated and uneducated, or partially educated,(nurses-lawyer-doctor-bank workers-rice farmers-seamstress-bus attendent-shop owners-restaurant owners-silk weaver-shop lasses-waitresses-teachers-hotel staff-massuess-and on and on) all of which/whom seem to me to be looking for one thing in a man, and it isn't "money" for the most part of what I've seen and heard. It's respect and love, and a joint partnership, for life, with someone who cares for them and will not butterfly on them, and will take care of them and their children and not take money out of the family for excessive drinking, excessive gambling, whoring and setting up other "mia nois".

 

Thai women have a lot more shit to deal with in a Thai on Thai relationship than western women do in a farang on farang relationship. A lot of Thai men can be a lot more macho and selfish and self centered in a relationship than the majority of farang men I know, that's for goddamned certain!

 

I've seen many, many, many, divorced single ladies here in Thailand. When I've delved into the reasons for these break-ups it has all boiled down to one thing--money, and another woman, or many other women, and physical violence to the female partner when she complains of it. And the reason the marriage breaks up is when the man starts taking not only HIS money out of the marriage/relationship to screw around with other women, and go drinking, and partying, and gambling, and whoring with his friends, but it is when he also DEMANDS as his right to start taking his wife's/girlfriend's money out of the relationship as well. To the point of physical intimidation and physical violence to get the money he sees as his right to spend, to the detriment of the family and the wife/girlfriend's well being and financial stability, even to the detriment of the family business, home, and clothing and foods and schooling of the kids.

 

Most of these women, now that they have been burned by a Thai man, (and I'm not saying ALL Thai men do this. I know a lot of good Thai men who don't! (GTM) We seem to rarely talk about these guys here, and it is worth a discussion some day I think.) will NEVER let themselves (the Thai ladies) get into a situation like this again. So they raise their kids, usually with little or no support from the ex-husband, (even the well off ex-husbands from what I've seen and been told of) and remain single for the rest of their lives.

 

I could go on and on with stories I've heard of these filandering husbands and cheats and scoundrels and assholes and wife batters and wastrels! I've heard a thousand of these stories, or even more.

 

But, here's the good news, a LOT of these women are always asking my wife if I have any brothers or friends who would love to love and marry a good Thai woman. (I've somehow managed to make a good impression with these women. God knows how!) :-) This is the most untapped pool of good women of marriageable quality here in Thailand for a farang looking for a good wife. The divorcees and screwed over Thai women just looking for a decent man who can love them, and help them support their kids and themselves, and stay faithful in their marriage. (One of these days I'm gonna set up a "real" Thai/farang on-line dating/marriage service, without all the rip-off charges and bullshit most of these services seem to devolve into. I have an older female cousin who actually has a business in the states doing this for lonely hearts farang that can help me set this up one day over here! :-) I think it would be a big hit with the ladies here, and the lonely guys from the west looking for a decent wife, a Thai wife. And maybe even generating a reasonable if not obscene profit if done right and not made into a, "rip-off the potential farang husband" scheme, as most of these things seem to be.)

 

But to answer your question, or at least stay somewhat on topic in your thread here P127 :-) I'd say that what you propose is a bit strange. Most women date a man, or consider a man for marriage, here, AND in the west, by his income, or at least his income POTENTIAL. Not because they are all money grubbing harpies, but because that is what women do when looking at a potential mate. They want someone who is stable, has a good job or the ability to land one, and to be able to take care of their wife and any children produced from the mating. They are looking for stability and someone who can provide for the family. Is this not true love? Hey, it might not be by fairy tale standards, but it is a fact of life, and a fact of LOVE from a woman's perspective in choosing a mate. As an experiment in finding out if your Thai woman is truly IN LOVE WITH YOU, (not shouting-just emphasizing)rather than your money, well, it is bound to fail I think, as as a farang male most of us have the POTENTIAL to earn a good living, even if we sometimes fall on hard times and have little extra cash to spend. Most women, and I feel Thai women even more so, would stick by her man, at least for the short haul of rough times and little money. Knowing that eventually he'd be able to once again bring in the dough.

 

Are you proposing doing something like this without giving any explanation to the woman as to why the sudden change in financial status? Or would this be an experiment that would start right from the very beginning of the relationship? I know of some farang men who have jobs in Thailand that pay very little by farang standards, whose wives/girlfriends seem to love them and stick around, even though the male farang counterparts of their husbands/boyfriends make and could offer much more financial inducements and rewards for these women to leave the guy and find a much more financially rewarding relationship. Are these women exceptions to the norm? I don't think so myself.

 

Most men always want to "know" if their woman loves "them" and not their money. The reality is that they love you for a bunch of different reasons, and for various levels within these criteria in their make-up and personal requirements as to what in their minds makes a man "lovable" and of marriageable material to themselves, as individuals. Background of life experience can alter these criteria to differing degrees. As individuals each woman has her breaking point as to what she can tolerate in a relationship. (As do men) It just depends on what they've gone through in their lives, what they've been shown as a "blueprint" by their own parents and loved ones and relatives as being the "ideal" working relationship/partnership between a man and a woman, and their own individual dreams, desires, wants and needs, and priorities in life at any given moment. The desires of an 18 or 20 year old woman is/are sometimes/most times vastly different for a 30, 40 or 50 year old woman.

 

Sorry to ramble on, but I find these questions, proposals, threads, interesting and funny sometimes. It's a bit strange how we here (some of us) seem to feel the need to question and analyze the love of a Thai woman, as though they are somehow any different than a western woman. Would this subject come up as often if the subject were about relationships with a western woman? As if only western women can feel true love for a man and not be influenced by the prospective mate's financial staus? That is preposterous.

 

Thai women are women, pure and simple. Not some subset category in the collection of womanhood in the human race needing some extra knowledge by men to deal with. The extraneous bullshit of culture and religion alters not one bit the simple fact that they are women, forever mysterious to us gonad bearing males, and the cause of much wonder, amusement, frustration, thought, and desire.

 

Cent

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

"i think most thai women living with a farang would not understand or take well that his income deflates or stay equal to what she is earning herself"

And how many farang women would?

I still fail to see what the big deal is, as OH said pretty much any relationship is about money and I don't see how a Thai/Farang relationship is that much different in this respect than a Thai/Thai or a Farang/Farang one.

 

People here mention the bigger difference in income, but I am not sure if this is really all that much bigger. A Thai in my position would likely make a fairly decent salary as well, maybe only about 20K less than what I get. And he would likely spend a lot less than I do, which means that the amount left would be very close.

 

Of course there are also farangs here on big expat salaries, but their income would be way higher than their wifes in the West as well.

 

Sanuk!

[ThaiHome]

Cent, Excellent reply.

 

Key point to me is there is no answer to the queston does she love me for my money or not. Your money or income is part who you are. How a dramatic change in that changes your relationship, depends on how it changes you.

TH

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

"Your money or income is part who you are. How a dramatic change in that changes your relationship, depends on how it changes you."

And I think that pretty much sums it up, for all relationships.

 

Sanuk!