CondomKing Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 thai3 said: I don't want to get into the pay it or not argument but want to ask what would be the usual situation in the following situation. The lady concerned was orphaned in her teens and brought up for the brief remainder of her life at home by steparents.She has not lived with them for 12 years, they live in Buri Ram she in Bkk. In such circumstances would sinsott be expected to be paid to the step parents, they did not pay for her higher education and have several children of their own-peter I assume that it will be a traditional village wedding with the "step" family fulfilling the traditional family roles. Since sinsot is part of that, I guess the couple will have to meet with the family and "kick" it around for a while to come up with a solution that everyone can live with. I don't think that any couple should have a family meeting like this without first talking about it in depth between themselves so that they have a united point of view going in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 From reading views here and elsewhere over the years and having lived in Thailand for most of the last 2 years, I think most of us would never face serious problems with sinsot because the types of girls and families who would cause problems by being over greedy are not the type of people we would entertain marriage with. I suspect that whilst we have probably all gone with or dated a hard core money grabbing bitch, the girls we have chosen to live with are far more rational, placid and honest. I suggest that is why we are with them and not with the mercenary types. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CondomKing Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 I agree with you. I think any "problems" have less to do with greed and more to do with "face" issues and cultural misunderstandings, and sometimes, I guess, outright lack of funds on either side of the fence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CondomKing Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 One more thing...if you do find that you're involved with greedy people, it could be a blessing in disguise as it would be a real good "red flag" and a clear indication of what's in store down the road if you should decide to stick around. :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 " Long time ago they also had dowry in some western countries, I think." Yes, Snowdrop, as BB wrote that was money or goods given by the bride's family to the husband. A kind of help before the poor lad spends the rest of his life working and supporting the Missus. Makes sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi CondomKing, Really good post, and sums it up, quite well. >>>it can be very a different process and have very different long lasting effects in each individual situation. It is probably the first (and maybe last) chance the groom will get to interact with and show his new in laws what kind of a person he is. Given the ever present possibility to be misunderstood even in everyday dealings with Thai people it is really critical, IMO, to be decisive and yet respectful and will probably take some creativity to also appear to be somewhat generous and fair to all concerned including yourself.<<< I can only reiterate, that is important to be fair, and understand what it's all about. You have to understand the other side, and the implications of it all. It's all not about greed. If you really love your wife, you'll take the time to listen to her, and understand all aspects. Taking a Western ideal/approach of a "I won't pay" posture, may not be the best option. It's important to remember you're not getting ripped off. Thai guys have to go through this also. It's a part of the culture, and so you should look at at, for what it is. Don't feel you should have to pay anything? Then go back home!. In most cases, it's just a situation you're going to have to deal with. How much do you love her? If you're not willing to address this reality, then is time to walk away, IMO. Thai culture dictates that children take care of parents. It's the Thai social security system. Get your head around that, or just walk away. There is no escaping it. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi Snowdrop, >>>>You know what? In the end, my parents paid for the wedding, also provided Sinsot to save face and proved to people that their daughter deserved this respect. I told you my story because I don?t want other normal Thai girls who don?t get married for money feel in the same way I feel. If the bride?s parents return all Sinsot and you just pay for the cost of the wedding, should it be alright?<<<< >>>It hurts whenever I think about my wedding. Don't I deserve the respect of my culture? <<< Yes....you do deserve that. And is what I'm trying to make others understand here. Thanks for your post, snowdrop. Pretty much drives home, the points I was trying to make. I'm sorry things did not go well for you. So let me ask you.......would you have married him, if you knew before, that he would refuse to pay? HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 HIGH THAIED said:I can only reiterate, that is important to be fair, and understand what it's all about. You have to understand the other side, and the implications of it all. It's all not about greed. If you really love your wife, you'll take the time to listen to her, and understand all aspects. Taking a Western ideal/approach of a "I won't pay" posture, may not be the best option. It's important to remember you're not getting ripped off. Thai guys have to go through this also. It's a part of the culture, and so you should look at at, for what it is. Don't feel you should have to pay anything? Then go back home!.HT Just because you love your girlfriend and prospective bride and listen to her views and opinions does not mean that you have to agree with what she says or her family wants. Nevermind not trying to retain western ideals, she is entering a mixed marriage and her family has to understand that. "Not getting ripped off" - bollocks. If you pay the same as a Thai would pay then perhaps not but if you are being asked to pay a lot more, or if the money is not returned but would have been returned to a Thai man, then yes, you are being ripped off. Culture does not (or perhaps should not) mean fuck the farang. Marrying a farang is not same same it is different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 >>>>"Not getting ripped off" - bollocks. If you pay the same as a Thai would pay then perhaps not but if you are being asked to pay a lot more, or if the money is not returned but would have been returned to a Thai man, then yes, you are being ripped off. Culture does not (or perhaps should not) mean fuck the farang.<<< Yea.....and is what I said above. :: HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorro Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 snowdrop You raised some very good points. It seems that your husbands failure to take your culture seriously may have long term negative effects on your relationships judging by the way your expressed your disappointment with the whole situation. Nonwithstanding the issue of face which your husband doesn't seem to comprehend I don't understand why someone working in the ME would not pay the sinsot especially considering his earnings and even more so when the money was coming back to you. I think you raised a very good point about losing your earning potential and being left with nothing if he decided to leave you. If you got married in Bahrain for example as guys do here you would have no legal recourse on any of his assets. From your perspective you are giving him the best years of your life and taking a big risk that things turn out okay. If not you are left on the scrap heap. Personally if i had of been you i would not have accepted the situation because from your post i can see that you are going to live with the worry of this for a very long time. A couple of hundred thousand baht is not even a months salary over here. He is just being kii niow mahk mahk and also very stupid because he has left a festering sore that may well drive a wedge through the relationship and all for sake of a few hundred thousand baht. Silly boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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