why farang like to get bar girls to be wife?

[iuytrede]

cardinal blue's answer is only part of the answer.

Yes, for a tourist it's mainly BGs who are available.

But why for heaven's sake does he marry one? Why not just use her services, pay, and leave her? Like he would do in his homecountry?

Because the sex-tourist really is not looking for sex only, but for (the illusion of) love.

He will start with BGs - because they are available - and then he will fall in love with one. Then he is trapped.

And as love makes blind, he will believe her everything, even that she won't work bar anymore.

BTW a very simple reason why some farang marry BGs is that many - but by no means all - farang who do so are considered losers in farang country, not able to find a marriage partner

[BelgianBoy]

"I reckon you're not young anymore when they stop calling out "young boy" in the bars.

I started feeling that I was not young anymore at about 25. Old isn't as young as you feel - it's the consensus of other people that see you."

bibblies,

Absolutely not true at all, it has nothing to do what others think, only what you think !

[ranma500]

Old Hippie,

I like your comments comparing bar-girls to female Marin BMW-drivers.

But I think it's not just women.

I understand that love and lust can indeed come out of nowhere, and sometimes we do indeed fall in love with people who turn out to be entirely unsuitable for us.

However, I still think that on a subconscious level, everyone seeks from a potential partner something that will fill a void in their own single life.

Essentially, the act of taking a partner is a selfish action.

Even if a guy wants to take care of a girl in an utterly unselfish way, it is because there is a part of him that needs to have someone to take care of.

We have probably all had male friends who picked girlfriends who clearly seemed to want to make life miserable. And we have asked ourselves 'What does he see in her?'

But it is probable that at that particular time, the guy had some need for this woman, and the treatment that she is inflicting on him.

Also what maybe one should be aware of is that this need, this void which the partner fills, may only be a temporary need.

It may be that once this need has been sated, there is no longer a purpose to the relationship, and the attraction disappears.

I also think it's possible that some people have a need, but they need to be aware that this need is best left unfilled.

Why do women stay with wife-beaters? It seems to me that on some level they have or develop a need to be treated badly.

Thus, and sorry if this is all a bit long-winded and pop-psycholgyesque:

my theory on bar girl relationships:

Many women I meet, whilst not wealthy, do not have an overwhelming need for money or security. In a country with a welfare system, healthcare, etc., where starvation is usually not an issue, the desire for cash, wealth and security is indeed a desire. It is not an absolute need.

So the needs become more complex. We have all met women who clearly were driven by their need for children.

But even that is a fairly clear and understandable need.

What I find difficult is that a lot of women have needs that are so deep-rooted in their psyche, that they are impossible to fathom. I find the complexity and complication of a Western relationship terribly frustrating.

Haven't we all had arguments with girlfriends, where we had no real idea what the argument was about? Haven't we all been chewed out by the girlfriend for something seemingly totally insignificant?

And the process of dating itself becomes such a minefield of faux-pas that it takes an enormous amount of energy and often endless mind-games.

 

But a bar-girl's needs are often simpler and rather easier to understand.

They want money, they want security, and they want to know that you are not going to screw around. 95% of arguments with bar-girls seem to stem from one of those needs.

I think some men, myself included, would rather deal with the needs we know about rather than complicated, sometimes unfathomable needs.

ranma

[Guest]

Reminds me this advice a male friend told me(he got it from his uncle,a wealthy enough Monaco resident):"Only go out with girls richer than U.That way U can be pretty sure they're not with U for the money"

Enjoyed going out with himm in BKK BTW

For this reason I'd classify many non BGs working on a little salary as off limits too for a serious relationship

[gummigut]

I believe the crux of the question is why do farangs marry bar girls when they can find "good" girls. Not withstanding the judgements funny and others have inserted into their comments.

A significant percentage of male visitors come to Thailand for the sex. A significant number of these guys are socially inept and fall in "love" and marry from (or literally into) the bar scene. I'll go out on a limb and say that these marriages have more of a tendency of standing out than others. Probably have more discord, and thus much more noticable. Course there are "well-adjusted" folk who find love in the bar scene and there are sweet and honest bar girls (really! I know one who was just recently married and relocated to Washington State, US). Here in LOS, it is sometimes hard to discern the "good" farang and the "good" bar girl but they are there.

Additionally, bar girls are much more accessible to the travelling tourist and expat.

I find cardinalblue's comments that "regular" thai girls want nothing to do with a tourist is pretty off-base. He also states that a majority of these women aren't interested in an expat. While there is nothing technically wrong with this statement he conveys the sentiment that it is hard for an expat to get a regular girlfriend. I have found that there are plenty of acceptable "regular" thai women who are interested in farangs for a relationship. Need to travel outside the bar scene and keep your eyes open.

"Yes, basically I am saying there is little or no difference between a Thai BG and an average American woman. They will both use sex to get what them need/want." This statement is something that I will disagree with especially because it will give Thai readers of this forum a skewed version of the average American woman. The average American woman does not have a tattoo, nor do a signficant percentage of them have piercings (although those % have risen as of late in America). American woman have much more opportunity with regards to profession and wage earnings as well as education. Nor will the majority of them sleep with a guy who approaches them and offers them the equivalent of a weeks worth of the average wage of the population to have sex without any prior contact. While I can understand where this posters comment is coming from, it is something I disagree with.

<<burp>>

[Mentors]

I think most farangs dont really want to marry a bar girl. But its the easy way to get one.

And most non-bargirls with good educations

dont need to look for farangs. Thats it.

[Guest lazyphil]

My Thai bg wife and myself now in the UK (as I said before)and live quite modestly indeed,i'm 30 she 28, i'm no movie star but I reckon we look good together. We both work to make ends meet. We've had nothing but positive feedback from others. She has inpecable manners,grace and charm.

I give her total respect and in return I get the same, she can hold a intelligent conversation with most. I'm not going to try and compare her with other females (Thai or other), she is an individual, like us all.

Of course her motive working the bar was finacial, but now she's happy (I hope!) to be living in England with me.

Our marraige is give and take, she takes care of our daughter and the house while I work and Fri/Sat nights she cooks at the local Thai pub/restaurant. Her previous life in the bar is behind her now, should we spend the rest of our lives beating ourselves up about her bar days, I think not.

Even if you manage to find a non-bg for a serious relationship can you say hand on your heart its not finacially motivated. The cultural/finacial chasm will nearly always bit to great to be 100%, this isn't to say you shouldn't look for one if this is what you want. Please yourself and your gal.

[Guest]

to lazyphil

Congratulations to you , she is your lovely and good wife. so you are very lucky to get this nice wife. good to hear this too. because I have heard that some bar girls when she lives with farang she could not live such normal life. she is used to with drinks, smoking, etc.

hope you have a happy life.

but how many men will be lucky like you....

[Guest lazyphil]

Funny, thanks??

She worked her bar in patong (although she's from Nonthaburi) for a year before we met, prior to this she worked for Toshiba on the assembly line, like myself she has little formal education, like me she says school was boring and dropped out!!

Actually we cant afford to blow cash of booze and cigs, i'm not a wealthy man.

But we try and treat ourselves once a month for a few beers down our local village pub to unwind from the daily chores of life.Our life now is conventional despite coming from unconventional beginnings.As with any relationship time will tell if everything will work out, nothing in life is cast in stone.

[Guest]

sometimes i think i do not like farang only come to thailand only for girls, sexs., i like them when they go back to their countries they should talk good things about thailand, not only girls, in thailand we have many nice, interesting places to visit. it's not only girls. yes, girls are part of your trip. many thai people like to have good images of thailand from people aroung the world too. and i like to have good , nice girls to promote about thailand too.not only for sex. I know girls like this they are in many countries of the world. Just only ideas because if the man is lucky he will get lucky with the girl too.