panadolsandwich Posted September 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2006 Magician & TC might be right, but CT really cut to the chase & it need not be more complicated than that! Usually I'd agree with you. Keep it simple, stupid. However that's where this forum perhaps has its greatest pitfall. The whole situation is complicated. If I read this post as a disinterested reader, I'd be agreeing with you wholeheartedly. We can all think how we might react theoretically in a given situation, but what you never get to see or hear is *all* the information - as much as I can try to comport the facts (including the other side of the story - which always exists). For instance, my birthday is on the 13, since the OP I've discovered she already has things organised for a party at her friends place; her other friend already has plans for the cake. The invites have been sms'd or relayed. Maybe it's just another excuse for a party. It's little (or big) things like this she does sometimes that keeps me on hold. Bit heart wrenching really. DDAVE is correct about the emotional check bin. When it comes to crunch time, and I'll need to decide; I think I'll know when. At the moment I'm just procrastinating and just putting the inevitable off. This honesty bit I think is going to take some balls - but for the moment I agree be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panadolsandwich Posted September 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2006 Interestingly, had a curious day. At the bar after being very nice to her, and her to me; I made the mistake of doing some mild flirting with the girl sitting at the bar counter whilst paying the check bin. I paid the bill, but I stayed about 30 seconds to finish a conversation with the aforementioned girl. The thing that set my BG off on the full extreme warpath was when I put my arm around her waist and the aforementioned girl touched my hair - this was highly, very highly, significant. Especially seeing as I've just found out after careful coaxing that this girl is somewhat of a notorious rival. Jesus, I never knew - surprising what trouble is roiling right under your nose; so to speak. She's not talking to me anymore, just sulking in the bedroom; pretending to sleep. Perfect chance to finish you might suggest. I couldn't believe it when I begged her to stay. Christ I've lost it big time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted September 6, 2006 Report Share Posted September 6, 2006 Hum seems u are going down a similar way to mine. Mine is going well now after so much troubles. Hope yours will go as fine, whatever your choice. Best wishes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted September 6, 2006 Report Share Posted September 6, 2006 I couldn't believe it when I begged her to stay. Christ I've lost it big time! Not really panadol...........Firstripitis is what your suffering from. Remember there are no mistakes.....just a process of illimination of what you should and what you shouldn't do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panadolsandwich Posted September 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2006 Yeah, lol, it's funny how things turn out Drogon. Glad to hear things are working out for you though. It's encouraging that for at least the moment all the naysayers about your situation (including myself at times) were incorrect; at least for the time being. My situation is a bit different I suppose, but I recognise the similarities. I don't think I need to elaborate these for you. My choice will be to leave though. There is no doubt about that - well maybe a smidgen. She hasn't really done anything though to make me want to leave apart from the usual arguments mainly due to cultural clashes or language misunderstandings; oh and being a BG. That's the sticking point for me. She installed herself in the apartment by osmosis; very gradually and subtly. I think it all started when I said I was interested in learning Thai cooking lol! Next thing I knew she'd come back from the shops with all these ingredients and was cooking up a storm. Totally blew me away. I mind thinking at the time that I want this one to stick around for a while - I was thinking a few days lol! Then the shoes started multiplying, as did the clothes and make up and other accoutrements, lol! Before I knew it, she was fully installed. Totally my fault though - I accept all the blame. Bit naive I suppose. It *has* been good though. It's just that it has to end, I have to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristianTroy Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 Magician & TC might be right' date=' but CT really cut to the chase & it need not be more complicated than that![/quote'] Usually I'd agree with you. Keep it simple, stupid. However that's where this forum perhaps has its greatest pitfall. haha true!!! The whole situation is complicated. No!!! listen very carefully please; 1) it is only complicated when you make it complicated! 2) the reason that she is planning nice for you is no reason to stay with her when you want her out (period) 3) it is you who is in charge, it is you who will be charged, it IS a business deal! 4) you feel sad for her because she is planning the party you might not even want, how do you feel about her staying with you? You will most likely finding yourself getting a little grumpy and probably accusing her of minor things, bottomline: you will hurt her more by preventing to tell the truth! Whats wrong with the truth? It is fair and honest and she will understand it. 5) if you don't learn how to get rid off a girl that you don't wanna stay with you will spend time and money for something you don't like! Life is too short, could be over tomorrow! 6) She would leave you in the same situation without second thought (i.e. if a regular shows up) 7) You probably dont wanna dump her, just want to have the feeling to make your own choices again or 7b) You probably just wanna bang 2 or 3 other girls but in fact your really dig your part time lover! If that is the case, JUST DO IT, bang some birds and return home to her and pretend like nothing has happnend! If all points from 1 to 7b doesn't float your boat then this girl will stay with you untill you leave and most likely point 4 will happen where you try to make up excuses and blame her for things because you are unhappy! I am a break up expert, believe me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygye Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 If at the birthday party there are 4 monks and a boars head, [color:red]RUN[/color]. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panadolsandwich Posted September 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 If at the birthday party there are 4 monks and a boars head, [color:red]RUN[/color]. ROFLMAO!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
panadolsandwich Posted September 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 Magician & TC might be right' date=' but CT really cut to the chase & it need not be more complicated than that![/quote'] Usually I'd agree with you. Keep it simple, stupid. However that's where this forum perhaps has its greatest pitfall. haha true!!! The whole situation is complicated. No!!! listen very carefully please; 1) it is only complicated when you make it complicated! 2) the reason that she is planning nice for you is no reason to stay with her when you want her out (period) 3) it is you who is in charge, it is you who will be charged, it IS a business deal! 4) you feel sad for her because she is planning the party you might not even want, how do you feel about her staying with you? You will most likely finding yourself getting a little grumpy and probably accusing her of minor things, bottomline: you will hurt her more by preventing to tell the truth! Whats wrong with the truth? It is fair and honest and she will understand it. 5) if you don't learn how to get rid off a girl that you don't wanna stay with you will spend time and money for something you don't like! Life is too short, could be over tomorrow! 6) She would leave you in the same situation without second thought (i.e. if a regular shows up) 7) You probably dont wanna dump her, just want to have the feeling to make your own choices again or 7b) You probably just wanna bang 2 or 3 other girls but in fact your really dig your part time lover! If that is the case, JUST DO IT, bang some birds and return home to her and pretend like nothing has happnend! If all points from 1 to 7b doesn't float your boat then this girl will stay with you untill you leave and most likely point 4 will happen where you try to make up excuses and blame her for things because you are unhappy! I am a break up expert, believe me I appreciate your advise CT. Even though you lay it out in point form like that, I'm still a bit confused unfortunately. Let's start with (1) - agreed. (2) - after some hard thought - agreed. (3) - no question - agreed. (4) Ok, it gets a little murky here. You are perfectly correct about me getting grumpy at times about minor things - and I find myself hating myself for it. You are right, it's not fair to her; even though as I'm attempting to disengage; things have been better then ever. However at this point I feel I'm being coerced into a logical corner by you CT. Yes I agree with you though. (5)Agreed. (6) Agreed - although not necessarily a regular - just someone who pays her more than I do firstly; has better prospects moneywise for her; looks better than I do; and is younger. In that order, but I've no doubt in my mind that soon as someone comes along with a higher attribute at the top declining to the bottom of that list - yes I am history. Although that's true of girlfriends in the West as well in one fashion or another. Besides, I'm assuming she is cheating on me of course already. (7) Don't want to dump her no. But time will force me to sooner or later. I won't be back for at least three months and a stipend is out of the question. You're right - I have a life to live. (7b)Perhaps my best option, if outright dumping is not to my taste. Bottom line is I should dump her, but after that episode at the bar with the other girl touching my hair - things have become very, very good with her. We're having great fun, the wild mood swings have seemed to have waned; sex about four times a day now - and she is initiating it!!! She is talking more about herself and her dreams and stuff. Just having a great time with her doing all that cheesy stuff like restaurants, shopping, movies, bowling - playing pool and drinking beer. In light of this, I'm procastinating like fuck now. I can see this happening till the day I fly out. It's not the money I'm so worried about - it's the old ticker getting stung when I leave. So 7( is looking like the most likely option at this stage. Thanks for the advise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristianTroy Posted September 9, 2006 Report Share Posted September 9, 2006 7b is the perfect option because after banging a nother chick you wil know where you stand with girl #1!!! Maybe your feelings will change after feeling free again or maybe the other way around! Just do what is good for you! It is your life you have to take care of and not hers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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