soongmak Posted December 28, 2006 Report Share Posted December 28, 2006 I know a lot of guys who thought they made it work with their girls, turned out that they left the bar because they hoped it would change everyones life, hers changed and improved and the family was left with nothing or not enough. 1 Year later she was back where she left. I think what a lot of these guys don't understand, or don't want to understand, is the importance of family ties. I see a lot of people proud of the fact that their wifes/GF's don't send money home, that they (husband/boyfriend) have become the first priority. I think it is harmfull to force this breach with the family as a sign of her loyalty to you. It is also arrogant, because you are placing your cultural values above hers. If you want to keep your wife happy, it is wise to acknowledge the family, after all you're part of it. That doesn't mean you have to indulge them every time. Just helping out when things get really tight goes a long way. I have struggled with the money issue/family ties issue for a long time, but I have finally come to terms with it. The main reason being that I see that our help is really appreciated, and reciprocated. I thought of our financial help as a gift, turns out the family sees it as a loan and actually pay us back in several instances, or help us out for free when we can use some help. Family does count and comes in handy, too. In the best of situations, you become part of the family and they look out for you, too. To counterbalance this story, I realize that there are a lot of families that get downright greedy, and where there is no such thing as enough. Well, if you come across such a family, don't walk away, but run! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted December 28, 2006 Report Share Posted December 28, 2006 Soongmak you make some valid points but I believe the OP was more related to BGs and giving them an option at work. Now I'm no rocket scientist but based on my limited experience I would say that the chances of any such girl honoring your request while your 10,000 kms away are pretty slim. Half measures avail nothing. If you really want to get a girl away from the scene you need to be there full time or take her back home with you. IF I ever find the right girl I will be more than happy to help her pay mother's milk but not from halfway around the world. Anyone who does is just setting themselves up for disappointment. The Farmer's Daughter is a perfect example. Texan pays for her exclusivity but she spends 3 weeks fucking me. He even paid for my dinner one night......what a guy. Nearly forgot and lunch and a movie and a 300 baht re-charge for my phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 28, 2006 Report Share Posted December 28, 2006 You're right, I am getting away from the OP. And I completely agree with you that you either have to be in thailand full time or take her come with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristianTroy Posted December 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2006 I think it is harmfull to force this breach with the family as a sign of her loyalty to you. It is also arrogant, because you are placing your cultural values above hers. Now that is exactly the bottomline of this thread. Too many people don't know what they got in to and therefore they are making the wrong decissions. Another interesting post SM, good to read you saw yourself as a part of the family and didn't see them as an enemy! Where we come from the Inlaws aren't important, they are nice if you are lucky and you spend some time with them and if they suck you see them at birthdays and christmas but that you are the strongest link in this family chain is new to the most, some will never accept it and won't help where it is needed and others throw blindfolded money at them which is wrong too. In the way you describe it I believe the respect for each other grew simultanously and that is how it is supposed to be! Soongmak you make some valid points but I believe the OP was more related to BGs and giving them an option at work. . Actually that is all a part of it and he made good points adding up to the topic. Doing the right thing with a BG is a very complex topic, at the beginning it seems to be the easiest possible choice to get yourself a girlfriend. When you look closer you might realise that this was poor judgement! What SM said is definately an alternative to my suggestion. What it really needs is time. One on a 3 weeks trip shouldn't do something crazy for so many obvious reasons, he has got to wait before the holiday mood is gone, how does he feel about her in 2 months, he needs to get to know her better and what kind of people are her family. You can't find that out within 3 weeks! If you take her out of the game and pay her the big money the entire thing is going to get serious too early, money requests most likely will come which will blurr your judgement, a lot of time and money will be spent without beeing sure that she is the one. If you do it the way I suggest the money request will not come, for giving her a small amount you will stay in the game and she will consider that as a nice gesture, it will also make her think, why you are doing this. There is a good chance she will let down her guards when you see her the next time because she wants to know whats going on. In the most cases the guys are halfway serious, want to find out if it is going to work or not and spending the big bucks and forces her to cut her farang contacts. She is loosing money and him is loosing money, after 3 months he might is sick of the situation and dumps her, both of them lost a lot of money for nothing. If he had given her a small amount and let her stay at the bar she would still be in contact with all the other blokes and exactly here it is interesting to observe how she acts towards you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted December 29, 2006 Report Share Posted December 29, 2006 All good popints, but we cannot still/yet escape the fact that many of these girls are in this for the money. And thus, the guard should never be dropped...but! "Buy the ticket, take the ride" plays into it here, don't get involved if you don't want the risk of losing or winning. As for placing your culture above their's...tough call here...if you just go an accept hers 100% then you are saying hers is better/superior, which is also wrong...there should be a balance...one such way to balance it is the elimination of sin sot I mean they want their culture respected, you should have your's respected as well right? And eliminating the money talk before hand/as a condition of marrage, might help clear some doubts right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 29, 2006 Report Share Posted December 29, 2006 I think it works both ways. Many girls are in it for the money, but a lot of guys are just in it for the cheap pussy and are not really looking for a real relationship. I can honestly sa that there are A LOT of guys here in the netherlands with a thai wife who are low life fuck ups who just imported a thai woman to get some pussy, but don't even have the means or the will to take care of their wives. As for cultural aspects, the only thing that matters is an open mind. Just try to understand the other, and who knows what you may pick up. I was very wary at first, and tried to educate my wife about the western way. When she wouldn't budge I thought she was being stubborn or childish... After all, I had the better education. It took me a while to 'get' some of the culture, especially the family part. I was usually jealous of guys who could easily persuade their wives to let go of the family obligations, but now I'm actually proud of my wife that she wouldn't give in to me. Even counting the obvious negative aspects of the family concept in thai culture, I much prefer it to the individual western approach. To get some balance between the cultures is difficult, but it can be obtained. It sure makes the relationship more interesting and rewarding, IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristianTroy Posted December 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2006 To OH and SM Many girls are in it for the money? I haven't met one who was in for Candy. Without a single exception all girls sre doing this for money and whoever wants to convince me otherwise has to slip 1000 USD with his argument to me! Some are just more needy or have higher goals then others, that might be the only difference! For them this job is considered real work and the purpose of working is making money! Goals in fact have shifted by the achievements of their sisters you can't argue about that either. If her friend does 50k from 1 guy and she only does 30k from her guy there will be other solutions to make the same or to even top that! Don't forget, it is never really what she has, it is more about how she looks for others (face). As simple as it sounds Love is a "Give and Take" it is just a matter of how much you are able to adjust. You don't have to be a buddhist or a christian to make it work, you both have to tolerate what the other person believes in. The love to her family is another topic, you do it or not. Your girl surely expects you to do and there is probably no problem when they are nice people. If they are greedy and are only after your money you won't be able to love them and most likely have immense problems in your relationship because the presure will now flow in from all sides. The next valid question would be, how much does she really love you? Why does a 55yo marry a 25yo Thai??? Because he might be more attracted to a young girl then to a woman his age! Now I know that especially the older guys in Thailand claim that it doesn't really matter to the girls, that they have more tolerance in their views which is of course total and utter bullshit! The girls just have the same desire to have a man about their age with an attractive body. Sometimes they just take what they get to make things better for themseleves and their families! Truely the best thing I have heard yet from a young girl whos married to an way older man is "He is a good man". Of course somehow they love them and a few exceptions have shown that real love is possible but in the most cases the guys are just kidding themselves to not accept the reality! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooNoi Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 Funny how "exclusivity" quite often works in one-way direction. The punter you just met sitting next to you at the bar is sitting there complaining that he thinks his "girlfriend" has been on the game while he's been away and sending money. This is the same guy who will go for a "short time" whenever she goes to the grocery store or the salon etc. So many guys would absolutely have kittens if their missus was fucking around, but its ok for them to do it. Weird. Sorry... was that Just something I've noticed with a lot of guys I've met. How many blokes who live in Thailand are faithful to their girls? Not as many as those who aren't I would imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pescator Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 Indeed. Same goes with guys who stay abroad while being anxious as to what their thai honnies are up to while they are away in farangland for 11 months a year. Are they being faithfull, are they being investigated by the thai private eye brigade? It`s funny how that subject has never been raised here. cheers hn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumsoda Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 K.Pig / K. Snake, Good points guys and I tend to agree. How could any guy expect a girl to be "Exclusive" when he's away 11 months and there for 1. Any female than can go 11 Days without a man (let alone 11 months) is surely not worth considering as a mate....Shit...she'd have to be Western...lol..... , Just can't understand the insecurities that drive Guys into "Needing" exclusivity.... Then again, some people steal Library books Cheers DS / DC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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