Coss Posted August 17, 2017 Report Share Posted August 17, 2017 Licence No Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palatkik Posted August 20, 2017 Report Share Posted August 20, 2017 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted August 20, 2017 Report Share Posted August 20, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
migrant Posted August 20, 2017 Report Share Posted August 20, 2017 Subject: I turned over my golf cart While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. A very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?" "I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later." I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure. "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on now " she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed. After a couple of Scotch and waters, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" I replied, "Still under the cart, I guess". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palatkik Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk." The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". Engineer and Project Manager is the way I tell that one. But being "Technically Correct I would question how the Technician could state "30 Feet above the Ground" when between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude is approx 1,000 KM East of New Hampshire in the Bloody Atlantic. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palatkik Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe 2017 1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng 2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle 3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle 4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz 5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field 6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons 7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin 8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne 9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel 10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King 11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes 12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff 13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang 14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess 15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 The eclipse seen from Pattaya ... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 I hope they aren't connected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palatkik Posted August 23, 2017 Report Share Posted August 23, 2017 Breaking news ....Autopsy just finished on Brucie. Official notice : Bruce Forsyth died of a seizure, nice to seizure, to seizure nice!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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