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A man boarded an plane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde air hostess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.


The man informed her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, adding that he was a lawyer, and then proceeded to rant about what would happen if she let them thaw out.


Naturally, she was annoyed.


Shortly before landing in New York, the hostess used the intercom to make an announcement: "Would the gentleman who gave me crabs in New Orleans please raise his hand?"


Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them herself.



Two lessons:


1. Men never learn.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as some men think.



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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.


The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger.....in honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."


"But before I kill you, I grant you three requests."


"What is your FIRST request?"


The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."


The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.


Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.


As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.


The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.


"You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days."


"What is your SECOND request?"


The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.


Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.


As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.


Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.


She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.


The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.


"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow."


"What is your LAST request?"


The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse.....alone."


The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.


Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,


"Listen Very Carefully!!!!"









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A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"


"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a half bottle of Jack Daniels every day, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."


"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"


"Thirty-four," she replied.


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