Any New Jokes

[Flashermac]

An Asian man was drinking in an American bar, when a white guy walked up and punched him off his stool. The Asian looked up from the floor and asked, "What the hell was that for?" The white dude said, "That's for Pearl Harbor!" He said, "I'm Chinese. That's got nothing to do with me." The white guy said, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Siamese ... all the same to me."

 

The Asian got up and asked the white guy what he was. He answered, "I'm a Jew." The Chinese man sent him flying with a hard punch. "That's for the Titanic!" The white guy said, "An ICEBERG sank the Titanic. That's got nothing to do with me." The Asian replied ..."Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg ... all the same to me."

[The_Munchmaster]

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.

 

The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

 

"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.

 

"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"

 

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,knocks, and goes inside.

 

"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!" says the second Irishman.

 

They continue drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi, when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

 

"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman.

 

"One of the girls must have died.â€

[The_Munchmaster]

This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar."

 

I said, "Is that a fret?"

 

[The_Munchmaster]

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one.

 

But after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided that if she couldn't hold down a job then she wasn't the right girl for him.

[The_Munchmaster]

I was in the pub last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me and slapped me on the butt.

 

She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.â€

 

I looked at her and said, â€Have you got a pen.â€

 

She said, “I sure do."

 

I said, “Well, you’d better get back in it before the farmer notices you’re missing.â€

 

 

 

My dental surgery is scheduled for Monday.

[The_Munchmaster]

Some sad news.

 

This is so disappointing.

 

CNN reported today that Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black," the African-American version of "Snow White†has been cancelled.

 

Apparently all of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Homeboy, and Shank have refused to sing "Hi Ho, Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes.

 

They also say they have no intention of singing, "It's off to work we go.â€

 

[The_Munchmaster]

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.

 

Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

 

[The_Munchmaster]

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.

 

That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

 

[The_Munchmaster]

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

 

[The_Munchmaster]

In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.

 

 

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth