Any New Jokes

[teddy]

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye... "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now."

 

Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.

 

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

 

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

 

The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces:

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."

 

"I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

 

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.

"I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

 

"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."

 

Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."

 

"I really am terribly sorry sir", says the young assistant, "I've just realised..........

 

I was playing you the Bee side."

[teddy]

The Munchmaster meets a girl in the bar and takes her back to his place, undressing in front of her he removes his socks and the girl asks, whats up with his feet as his toes are all mangled

 

" I had tolio as a child "

 

" Don't you mean Polio ? "

 

" No, Tolio, only affected my feet "

 

He proceeds to take his kecks off and she notices his knees are lumpy and deformed

 

" I had Kneesles when I was little "

 

" Don't you mean Measles ? "

 

" No Kneesles, only affected my knees "

 

He then took off his undies

 

" Don't tell me " she said " SMALLCOX "

 

 

[The_Munchmaster]

...."I really am terribly sorry sir", says the young assistant, "I've just realised..........I was playing you the Bee side."

Possibly the worst joke I have ever heard. :thumbdown: :onfire:

 

[The_Munchmaster]

The Munchmaster meets a girl in the bar and takes her back to his place, undressing in front of her he removes his socks and the girl asks, whats up with his feet as his toes are all mangled....

Actually my big toes do look a bit mangled due to severe ingrowing toenails.

 

[teddy]

Glad you like it :thumbup:

[The_Munchmaster]

I thought it was shite!

[Torneyboy]

Made my day :thumbup:

[The_Munchmaster]

Yeah, a small cox probably would make your day TB.

[Torneyboy]

Your's did it for me..

 

[teddy]

Great comeback TB :thumbup: