YimSiam Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Because poor people from the 3rd world have all the power in the legal system? Nonsense, nonsense.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Hi Moonoi, Firsty let me say I like the fact that you show her some sympathy. Most of the reactions in this thread makes me think why people here even chase BGs if only for a f**k, if they have such low opinions of them. I think better of my childhood dog! I think her husbands reaction is harsh but understandable. The biggest offense is not dancing for money, but the breach of trust. She knew what she did was wrong, and came out lying about it. Now in her defense: I agree that making money, providing some safety net, is high on the priority list for BGs. When I took my wife back to Farangland, what apalled me, was the lack of balance in the relationship. I had all the power. If I would say our relation was over, she would have to pack and leave. Hell, I could call immigration and make her leave!!! The money was in my name, and the house. I was the sole provider, etc, etc. Not a nice way to start a relationship. Not easy to shift the balance, and make her feel comfortable. Something people on this board tend to forget altogether. She is saved from whoring, so she should be thankful, yes? Bollocks! What happens is that she was an independant woman who provided for her and her family, and now she is just a woman completely on the mercy of her new husband, who she hardly knows. Hardly an improvement, even in my book. Second: Don't underestimate the influence of the thai community abroad. There have been several attempts on my wife to work in massage and provide some services on the side. The approach was very pimp-like: Be nice, tell her how she's different, say she could make a lot of money massaging and gradually force her to start f**king for extra money on the side. My wife declined and told me months later wha happened. I know a nice thai girl who fell for it, because her boyfriend didn't give her any money to send home. So she did what came natural to her. She stopped when she could find a decent, ordinary job, and is now completely happy. She is still scared shitless though her now husband will find out. Bottom line to me: everybody makes misstakes, and everybody deserves a second chance. I Feel bad for the girl, but I can understand where the husband is coming from. Thai and farang culture are very far apart. Seems to me he wasn't really ready to cope with all the differences (and problems!) that might turn up. Intercultural marriages are f**king difficult, and you both have to compromise to make it a success. Cheers, soongmak Great post soongmak ! Adressing the powerbalance is in my view very important and in more ways than just distribution of money. It's also a good point that refusing to pay the sick buffalo, which sometimes actually are sick, could give unfortunate effects. When you marry someone from a country without a social safetynet you have to expect some level of responisbilty on both you and your wifes part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 But is striping and whoring and lieing about it fair game? Does the need to provide for a family (maybe above and beyond what is needed) justify everything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangkoktraveler Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 YimSiam said "Because poor people from the 3rd world have all the power in the legal system? Nonsense, nonsense.... " Actually, ,poor third world whores can get even by saying you were trafficking her. All she has to do is parrot the right words to the right person and 'her farang's ass' is history. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Fair game? No it's not fair game. That's not the reason for treating your wife nice in the first place either. I just came back from Thailand and got to experience a bit of what the wife faces. Calls for money. I don't think it's easy to say no, I imagine it's harder for my wife. We blow of everyone but her parents and her brother, because they are the one that has been there for her without expecting anything. We just blew of her half sister who needed a small amount to get the rice .. planted or harvested or whatever. It would have cost us nothing to do so, eat cheaper a day or two. Not our responsibility according to my wife. Though choice to make, keenjow? Her mother has diabetes, hight colesterol, high bloodpressure. What if I refused my wife money to help out? Medicine is about 1000 - 1500 a month depending on how much she need, + a bit to the doctor for checks. As of now I earn 95% of the money we get, I could refuse. I have always, contrary to advice from here, made it her decision. She are not afraid to talk to me about such things, she does not have to lie, and she does not give all that much, less and less in fact. She talked to her mother when we visited and asked her to try living on less money a while, as we would need a bit more in the next year. Is it right to striping and whoring and lying .... No it's not, but it's a good thing to understand a bit about your wifes life and the choices she has to make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 "...Is it right to striping and whoring and lying .... No it's not, but it's a good thing to understand a bit about your wifes life and the choices she has to make..." Agree 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKanalist Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Many good points above. But I wonder, does all of this apply if you meet your wife someplace other than a bar? With zero play for pay history, is this likely to be an issue? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 With a zero P4P history, why would she start stripping now? It is not impossible, but it seems unlikely to me. That doesn't mean you won't encounter trust issues. Face is generally more important to Thais than trust, so you are more than likely to encounter problems in this department. If she lies to you, you basically have to figure out if she was out to scam you, or was she trying to save face? To give you an example: My wife has encountered sexual harassment in one of her jobs and withheld that information from me, not because she did not want to share it with me, but she was afraid that I would confront the harasser and make her lose her job and her boss lose face. It is f**kin complicated sometimes and Thais do react differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 So how did the Sexual harassment case play out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted July 17, 2007 Report Share Posted July 17, 2007 Against my wishes, she quit her job and didn't press charges. I preferred to nail the slimy bastard, but she really did not want to do that. The f**ker came off lightly and is probably harassing other girls right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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