Rotten system: children supporting parents

[legover]

Where men successfully elicit women?s inner values, including those relating to their families to the point of clear understanding before emotional involvement there?s an excellent chance of developing a good relationship. Reversing the order and leaving it to chance is a crap shoot. Getting the right information about people is key.

[BkkShaggy]

"Thai for father translates as ?adequate?."

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry to say that you're wrong here.They are different in tones.

 

 

 

Father in Thai is Poh with rising tone (¾èÃ)

 

 

 

For Adequate is Poh with a middle tone (¾Ã)

 

 

 

So please be careful when making any interpretation.

[jasmine]

Hello,

 

This concept was debated amongst many of my Thai friends. Most Thai parents, especially the ones who live up-country, believe that having a son which are supposed to enter a monk hood once in his life time, will bring the most merit to the parents. My mother believes this concept also. Since the girls cannot do that, many times they are the ones to sacrifice, and financially supporting the parents is one of the greatest merit females can make.

 

 

 

Furthermore, most Thais believe that, people have only one set of parents versus spouses may come and go. It is harsh, I know. If the parents truly love the children, they ususually do not put the children in a position they have to choose, I have seen this type of actions happen with the Thai couples also, that the parents become too demanding and marriages fall apart. Another reason, can be intergrity, some people want to take no matter what.

 

 

 

I will never, ever want to choose between my husband and my mother. It is a predicament that will kill me. For my brother, the mother comes first. My brother and his family live with my mother, even though they have other properties in the same plot of land. I make sure that I talk to my sister-in-law a lot and be as nice to her as possible, for I cannot do what she does. My mother treats her well but there are times that there is some obscured conflict for ?2 tigresses have a hard time living in the same cave.? My mother does believe though, in treating the in-laws very well ?So, they can take care of my children well?.

 

 

 

?Thai culture that grants the females title to the family farm??

 

 

 

Both men and women can own property. A lot of families do give the land to the daughters; it is more of the protection to the females. It is believed that a female who owns something cammands respect from the man?s family and the man himself.

 

In villages or Bangkok, a lot of son-in-laws work in the wife?s family business or farms and in this case, they believe that wives are treated better.

 

 

 

I do feel for Mee and Thalanoi. I wonder though, do the parents understand Mee's hapiness or the her feelings mean nothing to them?

 

 

 

Regards,

 

 

[pattaya127]

Thanks a lot, jasmine, for yet another precise contribution. I do not think a farang should marry a girl unless in her eyes, he becomes family too. Sounds obvious, but this requirement is not always met in many situations. There are plenty of ways for this to be shown, especially when a money predicament happens during the courtship, and the woman understands there are limits to what one can help, and maybe sometimes cannot. That's what relationships are about: closeness, 1+1=1. If there is a wedge, even small, between "my" family there, and "you" farang lover here, something will drive into it further, you can bet on it.

[thalenoi]

No, this is not a scam, I checked the telephone numbers of incoming and outgoing callson her mobile.

 

As mentionned in my yesterdays posting, she withdrew 20k this morning from her account and I was stupid enough to add 10k from my Thai account. That should leave her with 20k in her account, more than enough if I decide to terminate this relationship after my previous investments in her. The guilt off failure will ly in the gulliness of the parents.

 

 

 

We then went to the post office and mailed 30k to her parents, I checked the adress. That her sister promised to reimburse 15k is also correct, I listened to the conversation and do understand thai. This 15k will most certainly never be returned to myself. This pisses me off, toghether with the whole setup. What's sad is that my GF is innocent in this matter and both of us are the victims of this despicable system.

 

 

 

I refer to Jasmina's excellent comments, and YES a good part of Thai society is using this "trick" to inmprove their standard of living.

 

In this case I tend to beleive the parents use our relationship to increase their "wealth" and to pass the bill to the farang they think is filled with baht. Although there might be doubts on the destination of the funds, I believe the parents to be honest. I know for sure it was at least her mother she talked to and I never catch her on a lie, I do take the land story to be real. I spent a few days at their home, no one is drinking or gambling. The father goes to his rice field on his bike every day and I spent a few hours there working with him. Plain honest people I tell you.

 

 

 

There remains an other 120k to be paid. If I do stay in this realtionship some more months you will see the request for this hitting us.

[thalenoi]

Hi Phoenix,

 

 

 

Sorry to reply late, but don't have much internet time here.

 

 

 

I am affraid you might be right here, the parents taking advantage of one of their daughters living with a farang.

 

I would not mind "tomut" if that crappy insurance company would not be trying to underpay me and set the limit to pay for the land, full stop.

 

 

 

But know my future looks rather dark and I can not set any limit now. Don't know what I am going to do, will review situation once back in Farangland.

 

 

 

Anyway, beware of insurance companies, they are eager to collect money but are reluctant to pay vicitims. This way you are a double victim, first by accident secondly by insurance.

 

I might well change my life and fight insurance companies for the rest of my days.

 

 

 

 

[legover]

?2 tigresses have a hard time living in the same cave?.

 

 

 

LOL. Very good.

 

 

 

even one is too many for me.

 

 

[lopburi3]

"No, this is not a scam"

 

 

 

I surely hope that you are right but I am also sure that we can be fooled most of the time.

 

We know it makes no sense - they are old and buying land to farm? But they seem to have never made any money in their life of farming if the part about the girls supporting them is true. You have a record of paying, thus the rich foreigner of dreams. To me the only question is if your girl is actively a part of this and with the speed this has developed I come to the conclusion that you are being taken to the cleaners and that she is taking an active part.

 

So that leaves your "rotten system" as a reason/excuse for her actions. If she had never been outside the family home perhaps I could partly accept this. But children are not under this kind of control as a rule and those that have worked outside almost never feel this kind of obligation; especially when they are not the only child. Kids here are a lot closer to the ones we know in the West than we (or they) admit and to put this action on Thai culture I believe is unfair. I do not believe she is acting in anything but a selfish manner - all she had to do is say no. It can be done, and in this case should have been done. I believe you are wrong to blame the "system".

 

It appears you will try to ride this out and I sincerely hope that things improve. I am also a strong supporter of understanding and trying to work through problems. But you can not do this by yourself.

[think_too_mut]

I told your story to my gf. Half way through she exclaimed "my family never like that" as if she herself got caught red-handed.

 

Obviously, she realized what was going on and circumstances the event emanated from.

 

 

 

No way your gf can get out of it easily. Pretty much as if she's being held hostage by her own family. With one big difference - she does not want to escape.

 

 

 

The pressure comes from several directions, one of them, the way it was expressed to me, made me angry. Would probably enrage you.

 

 

 

You must have made several people here scratch their heads....

 

 

[check_bin_krap]

From your story I don't think this is a scam. You have known this girl for a long time haven't you? Didn't you even talk of staying abroad with her, or did I get it wrong?

 

 

 

I would maintain my original advice, draw a line and stick to it. Give some money so there is no loss of face. Don't back down on anything whatever emotional outburst appear. Women are so clever playing on emotions.

 

 

 

Your actions if done the proper way might help her out of this awful situation with her parents.

 

 

 

Cheers and sincerly good luck!