think_too_mut Posted September 16, 2002 Report Share Posted September 16, 2002 Just got a call from my gf. After that little discussion regarding Thalenoi's problem, she got really upset that I may have smelled a rat. Her latest is - the family was told a while ago I was not a rich farang who can fulfil all their wishes and land appetites. "They want, yes, but I told them you not same falang, you middle, not rich". What they may get out of her (read: of me) would be necessities only and no way of building some little empire nor outdoing neighbours. Nothing worth over 1000 bahts may be purchased without her permission - she said that. Several months ago I saw her almost disciplining her older sister and heard her talking to her mother in tone that was a bit unusual, but, without understanding of the language I could not figure out what was going on. Hope her rebellious spirit holds...Anyway, that may just reduce the outgoings down to a bearable level... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted September 16, 2002 Report Share Posted September 16, 2002 I really think it is not for you to pay up all this money. Evidently, it's a strain on your savings. Just because there is kind of a "children to parents" system at work, common sense asks that you do not feel you have to involve that deep in it. This has nothing to do with tradition, since, on the face of it, we farangs have little to do with traditions. you almost seem to emotionally blackmail yourself into giving money. And you end up the only one sweating, when all other parties would feel it's just normal. Do not accept anything unfair to you, and unfair to you only, on top of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legover Posted September 17, 2002 Report Share Posted September 17, 2002 Dear Thalenoi, Final word here, too much analysis already. give her a Ping, No3 wood or five iron, up to you. Face? Joke, what about yours. Taking the piss is an English expression you need to know. Regards 3d Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thalenoi Posted September 17, 2002 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2002 "No, this is not a scam" Well, let me rephrase this, Yes it is a scam from the perspective the parents might have gotten this idea of buying some more land at the expense of this farang. That they might be killing the happy relationship her daughter has with that farang does not seem to bother them. I have never seen my GF so emotionless discussing the issues here. That's how Thai love differs from Western love. Talking about working to pay off her parents debt she did not blink an eye. Thsi morning I told her I was considering leaving her for Farangland tomorrow trying to make some move with my insurance problems (although I think talking to them will not do me good). "Good idea, you are not happy here anyway since you got that bad news" I am confused when on one hand I feel her kisses on my head, sholder, arm in the middle of the night (signs of true love?) and how cold as a fish she talks about these problems. On the other hand, she does not sleep anymore at night, so this is affecting her. There is almost no revolt in her attitude towards her parents. She told me she does not like to spent some time there because she has to pay for everything (since she is with a farang) but hen she complies so easlily at such imperative request (my parents NEED this and I have to help) I did pay 40k to the parents over the last 3 months. My GF did not loose face, but unless I win the lotery, that's it for me. Our relationship started half november last year, we spent 7 months together out of the 10. She gave me a real great time. I am gratefull life gave this happiness to me. Maybe it's time to quit. I still have 7 days left on my flight ticket, I will try to enjoy them at best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lopburi3 Posted September 17, 2002 Report Share Posted September 17, 2002 I think we all feel very badly about your situation and wish we could help. But all we can really do is offer pointers. You and she will have to make the hard decisions. It is very easy to misunderstand and thus act in the wrong way in relationships here - but it appears you have tried your upmost to make things work. Logic would probably say to end it now. But we are not usually logical in matters of the heart. If you like living here and still think it can work I would try to make it very clearly understood that you will return only if she can take your side next time the family calls. If you can afford a small amount to her, that she is free to give to her family, it might help to keep them in check. But if she can not give you a yes on this I would really have to advise not coming back or to another location and having no more contact. Things do turn sour; even in LOS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gregchambers Posted September 17, 2002 Report Share Posted September 17, 2002 To an extent, if you were a rich Thai you would be treated in a similar way (though probably no boyfriends or ex-husbands loitering in the background, which is usually the case, though not necessarily so in this case). A reasoanble monthly stipend for Isarn parents is 3000-5000 baht and we can all thank Thaksin for the 30 baht health scheme (long faces amongst the b-gals?). Unfortunately, as I understand it, having paid 40k as a deposit on the land, your girlfriend is now largely stuck with finding the next payments (usually spread over a year or two), though conceivably if she ever explained this to you, you could agree to putting some money away ever month. If this is the case, I would definitely make sure the land ends up in her name, otherwise the land doc may end up used to secure short term funds which you may be expected to pay for all over again. To an extent, Thai girls with farang boyfriends can even find themselves being treated, as if by extension, as a farang and ripped off by her family directly (ie quoting 150k for land that really costs 120k) - just to add to the complication. Relatively small amounts spread out over reasonable time periods should be acceptable, as if invested wisely will give the gal something to fall back upon if you split, much less likely to turn vicious on you! BTW, conversely, if you want to draw out any possible local boyfriend just cut off the money for six months, he will soon pop up - possibly with a gun in hand to even out the loss of face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted September 17, 2002 Report Share Posted September 17, 2002 "I have never seen my GF so emotionless discussing the issues here. That's how Thai love differs from Western love. Talking about working to pay off her parents debt she did not blink an eye. Thsi morning I told her I was considering leaving her for Farangland tomorrow trying to make some move with my insurance problems (although I think talking to them will not do me good). "Good idea, you are not happy here anyway since you got that bad news" Maybe this is just a way of protecting herself, keeping sane. People deal with things in different ways. I don't think lack of emotions is a Thai thing. Some people I know are the opposite. Too much emotions and tough to handle because of it. Cheers and good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted September 17, 2002 Report Share Posted September 17, 2002 Thalenoi, Yes, I followed this everyday here in this thread and I dont like what I see here....... For your own sanity, maybe better not to decide anything now, come home first, fight the moneyguys here, then decide what to do. Your house and Mee will still be there in 2-3 months anyway, so ? Cheers and see ya next week ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 17, 2002 Report Share Posted September 17, 2002 The 1st time I tried to reply to this took me so long I logged out, so I guess this must seem important to me. As previously tried to post: No doubt, myself and many on this board empathize and relate to your situation, I feel I must comment on an aspect we all, either miss, or wish to avoid. This reality sucks! Mankind knows this. Each individual deals with it in their own way, swayed by their cultural, economic and social upbringing. Some turn to religious beliefs of a better life somewhere and wometime other than this. Some try to become white knights or dark angels. Some simply accept its horror and use drugs, faith, or music to escape. Most just live in a world of self delusion to avoid the reality of life. Or more correctly the life of reality. We nuture and cherish this alternative beyond any sensibility. Your GF expesses little emotion, shows nothing because she knows in her heart of hearts that the REAL answer is... There is no answer. The Bhudda was correct........life is suffering. To have to choose between her parents and you....there is no choice. They are everything that she has ever had.....and you are all she has ever wanted. Either way she loses. Accept and hurt nothing.... except yourself. Just a viewpoint. (Life is the shits....and then we have to live it again!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phoenix Posted September 18, 2002 Report Share Posted September 18, 2002 Enjoy your last few days. If you don't give her anymore Baht before you go, will she have enough to live on until you return? If not, will she go back to her old 'profession' to make ends meet and pay the parents? If so, how do you feel about that? After living with someone you obviously have feelings for, how does it feel to know she may go back to her old way of living. I've had to deal with that, and it is very painful. But in the end, it is her decision. Mabe your absence will give her time to make that decision. Good luck to you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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