pattaya127 Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 In the end, it would seem, that if you like Thai girl, you had better be ready to support her, and her entire family ----------------------- maybe that's too much viewd from the outside, as we of course know about the family expecting sustenance from the children. But from my own experience, and the ones of my thai/farang friends, i see every situation is different. My Gf's mom never asks for anything, just wnats to make sure she takes care of her daughter. Another thai married to a friend has had enough of her family's demands and sides with her husband. Another one had understood from the beginning that her husband, another friend, will help her , but never her family, she's got to make her own money for that. We are talking couples living in farang land, so the wife can make enough money with a little job. Also, my friend teacher in Ubon was asked a certain sum when his GF came to live with him. the sum kept going down, but he just said "read my lips, i can't afford any". His GF sided with him and chose to ignore her parent's pleas. Eventually, Thalenoi's Gf will have to decide what is more important, her family's demands or, as he put it so well, her life as a fulfilled woman living with the man she loves. IMO, i would try to convince my GF she has all to gain to stand firm to her family. Sooner or later, she will be able, while not forfeiting her Rship, to do good things for her family, in her own time and within her own means. easier said than done, but if we farangs can have an influence, be it to help thai women stand on their own 2 feet, not the 18 or 20 of the whole family. Something like that.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 I will also admit that another factor may be that punters who 'do' find their perfect Thai partner, may tend not to find the desire to post here any longer, -------------------------------- exactly. None of my friends related to thai women, or even Thailand (unless i met them thru a thai list), post on any forum. Incredible the amount of people i hear saying they know someone married to a thai woman when i tell them about my trips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 But i must say that in principle i think its completely right for a person to want to look after/help their parents ------------------------ once again it is not the subject. yes, most poor asian families will gladly accept or expect the children to help them, we should not be discussing that. The difference is between families who will be grateful to be helped according to their offspring's means, and the ones who just name their number of bahts and think either it's the farang's duty to pay up, or drive their daughter to make a choice detrimental to her, but advantageous to them. In the last 10 years of thai life, cash demands and desires from the families have beem raising exponentially. We are not talking putting food on the table here, but a house as good as their lucky neighbour has, or, as someone said, now replacing the brother's motorbike when 10 years ago, it would have been a bicycle, or nothing even. I belive then, we are not talking about the tradition of helping parents, but a nouveau-riche, Ok! Nouveau-poor mentality verging heavily on materialism more than filial duty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 Who can really blame the very poor to try to get something out of an opportunity in a country where the income differentation is amongst the highers in the world. ----------------------- i hope you read Phoenix's great post. though not always the case, it demonstrates once again, that this is not about rectifying an income balance, but keeping up with the Jones. From all i experienced in my talks with poor girls and visiting Issan, i never got a strong sense that they did question the difference of wealth between haves and have nots. I do believe that the joys of consumerism are what motivates their desires for improvement more than a sense of inequity. Proof is, very little of the money sent home is going towards "investing' of "entrepreneurship" of some sorts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 From the cases I have heard the pressure from the parents seem worse for couples living in Thailand. Apart from the obvious reason being the distance, it can also be a case of more financially independent TG once they move outside. They get a job which pays well compared to Thai standards, and get a grasp of household economy. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 From the cases I have heard the pressure from the parents seem worse for couples living in Thailand. My wife would certainly agree with you and has voiced this many times since we have moved to Thailand. TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 Hi P127, In the end, it would seem, that if you like Thai girl, you had better be ready to support her, and her entire family ----------------------- >>>>maybe that's too much viewd from the outside, as we of course know about the family expecting sustenance from the children.<<< Let me rephrase that.....to say "poor Thai girl". It seems that if you are involved with a Thai girl who is fairly well off, then this problem does not seem to arise. From what I've learned here, Thai culture dictates that it is the responsibility of offspring to ensure parents well-being when becoming of the age, to do so. If they (parents) are fairly well off, then they (offspring) are off the hook. If parents are poor however, then burden is placed upon children to "look after" mom and dad, and 'pay them back' for what parents have done for them, and sacrificed, in order to bring them of age. A simple concept.....although not accepted world-wide. But given this, why does the burden fall on the daughters more so, than the brothers. This I have never understood. Is it because they are the one's that inherite the family farm? What is it in the Thai culture that grants the females title to the family farm? And is that the reason that the pressure is on them is so high that they believe they must take the brunt of the responsibility of their parents care, in their later years? HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 "A simple concept.....although not accepted world-wide. But given this, why does the burden fall on the daughters more so, than the brothers. This I have never understood. Is it because they are the one's that inherite the family farm?" This might have something to do with the pattern after marriage in traditional Isaan. The husband moved/moves to the girls parents house and helps out on the farm. And by this becoming a member of the wifes family. This has changed in recent times of course. But it is still often more valueable to get a girl then a boy, because the girl "stays" in the family and also gets a dowry. In my view this system is far better than what is in India and China , where the opposite is true. This devalues the womans worth to society. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 Hi CBK, >>>This might have something to do with the pattern after marriage in traditional Isaan. The husband moved/moves to the girls parents house and helps out on the farm. And by this becoming a member of the wifes family.<<< That is interesting. I didn't know that. What is your take on so many more Thai women enrolled in Thai Universities, than Thai males? I'm thinking they got a plan. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted September 13, 2002 Report Share Posted September 13, 2002 "What is your take on so many more Thai women enrolled in Thai Universities, than Thai males?" I have no idea...Stricter upbringing maybe? Hehe, most Thai girls certainly have a plan/s. And spring it on their poor hubbies at the worst possible time... Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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