Rotten system: children supporting parents

[ThaiHome]

True to a certain extent, but if the girl is more "valuable"; the boy is allowed to be spoilt (by mother) rotten.

 

TH

 

 

[pattaya127]

I think there's no rule as to who has to give the money, but it seems that the girls get the burden because they make money, while the brothers lay back and play around, or jiust sleep. That's for the BG to family syndrom. In the end, it all depends on the woman itself, as even a better off woman can have family money problems that endanger the relation with farang. There are just so many things that can happen in a country where there is almost no social security/welfare/unemp. compensation as for the majority, including a great part of the middle class you are as rich as your next hospital bill.

[soongmak]

Thalenoi,

 

 

 

Is it possible to discuss this topic with your gf from an economic point of view?

 

 

 

Just ask them how much land the parents are going to buy, the quality of the land, the numbers of helpers need to work the land, the average expected harvest etc. The issue is ROI here. Are they making a sound investment that is worth your gf's troubles? Maybe you can be able to point out that what their parents want doesn't make any economical sense. Maybe that could release the stress a bit.

 

 

 

Good luck,

 

 

 

soongmak

 

 

 

 

 

 

[legover]

 

 

another good practical reason, vast numbers of indolent thai males upcountry are not fit to inherit for fear of wasting the few family assets they have. If the property and land went down to them they?d piss it up the wall. A bigger window of opportunity opened for sexually marketable poor country girls 30 or so years ago and a new industry pivoting around the male farang visiting tourist was born, blossomed, and provided an ideal opportunity to boost the family income. even though the daughters were prostitutes, in many cases now daughters of prostitutes, their earnings abilities are held in high esteem, unmatched by their brothers. But some of the men are OK though. In one upcountry household I lived in for a few years some time ago the maire yai had no faith whatever in the sons to produce revenue, damned them as useless & irresponsible .. had faith only in the pretty marketable daughter around whom the entire family orientated for her easy, substantial earnings. All necessity to work slowly evaporated.

 

 

 

127 said: all depends on the woman itself, as even a better off woman can have family money problems that endanger the relation with farang.

 

 

 

Quite right. That?s exactly what happened. In this instance part of the new money was used for gambling, created huge family problems and finally destroyed the relationship this bg had with her partner.

 

 

[thalenoi]

"Is it possible to discuss this topic with your gf from an economic point of view?"

 

 

 

I just tried this yesterday. The subject is a no-go.

 

She does not question her parents "need" for land although they are over 60. It's clear to me the objective is to increase income.

 

 

 

I wonder how they will use the land, but then an older and a younger daugther live at their home, so that's the answer.

 

 

 

She also mentionned "if I no give money, I no good"

 

Mee spent all her life before meeting me by working for her parents (and two sisters as well), this only became just clear to me this week.

 

From what I understand, If I can not provide 50.000 baht (which she mentions to be her share for the land) she will contract a debt somewhere with "a boss" and work her ass off until the debt is paid. Although 50.000 baht is not that much money from a western perspective, due to my actual financial situation I cannot provide this money right away and don't know when I possibly can.

 

3 months ago I put 40.000 baht on her bankaccount however. firstly because I will be in Europe for 6 weeks soon and secondly it's intended as emergency money if something would happen to her or myself (hospital or whatever) I am affraid now she will withdraw 25.000 baht to give to her parents for what seems to be a first downpayment they need next month.

 

 

 

I visited her parents house late June and was explained everything was paid by the daughters work: the house, the kitchen (if that's the name of the thing), the electric waterpump to fill the jarr. The house is a simple thing, storage, shower and kitchen downstairs, a big open space and two closed rooms upstairs (all bad quality wood upstairs). No furniture whatsover.

 

 

 

That's Thai culture(see Jasmine's comments). I do understand the good about helping poor parents with some money, but I condemn this attitude where both parents and children believe it's right for the first to ask without limits and the latter to accept there is no limit to such requests.

 

 

 

 

[legover]

 

 

I think we all have to accept girls? allegiance is first to their family and often we come way down the list. I remember one story of a girl discussing this with her bf, maybe an earlier post a few months back, she said: ?I love my mother first and most, then my father, then my sisters, then my brothers, then my dog, then you?. Husbands/providers are replaceable. Harsh but one of their cultural truths. Nothing will change that much. Thai for father translates as ?adequate?. If the providers can?t be adequate as providers they?re not much good to them; women like to be comfortable. however if the womenfolk take out cash money loans and there?s some difficulty paying the interest there?s every chance the money-lender will visit the husband/boyfriend for settlement after establishing the women doesn?t have to resources to pay. Serious stuff. the only way to avoid payment on an open debt is to disappear. If you want to keep this girl my guess is you?ll have to find the money, and this request for alms may well be the first in a series. this is what some people call a ?shit test?. Pass or fail. Time to put the thinking cap on, the honeymoon?s over.

[check_bin_krap]

"If you want to keep this girl my guess is you?ll have to find the money, and this request for alms may well be the first in a series. this is what some people call a ?shit test?. Pass or fail. Time to put the thinking cap on, the honeymoon?s over. "

 

 

 

I strongly disagree with this. A relationship, whereever it is in the world involves compromises. Its not a one way thing.

 

 

 

Sacrafices has to be made by both to make it work. If your logic is followed one might as well turn over all ones posessions and money to the Thai in-laws.

 

 

 

Cheers!

[lopburi3]

I don't see that you have much choice here. You can afford it because of that 40k in the bank account (and that may have been the reason the request was made). She will be looking at that as liquid and expect you to be willing to help her mother with it. So if you don't you don't love her or her family.

 

So you can cut bait and leave the relationship here and now; or pay now and never let money be visible again.

 

There is no guarantee you will not receive further requests and you and your wife will have to come to some kind of an understanding. At this point she seems to be trying to put the blame on you if you fail to deliver; but if she can be made to understand this money is the last you have, and believes it, things might work out. But the odds are rather long.

 

I assume home/land is in pawn now and that is the reason they need fresh cash to buy this land? If not that would be even more reason to suspect the bank cash became too much to resist.

 

I truly wish that I could be more positive, or able to provide a solution.

[pattaya127]

I think we all have to accept girls? allegiance is first to their family and often we come way down the list

 

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I gave (true, i swear) examples to the contrary above.

[pattaya127]

40k is not so much if that's all he has, but yes, for thais that's a lot of zeros in bahts. Again, they see it's like being rich, and if you are rich, you must be acting like rich, (spendthrift), when all is gone, OK! no problem you are poor again, just like before. They survived then, they will survive after. No sense of making the money work or keep it for hard times. i really believe for a lot of thais, money is to be spent. As said before, tomorrow and yesterday are vague notions not worth worrying about, enjoy today! here in the west, we like to say "the rich are different", but maybe in Thailand it's "the poor are different". Of course, some are really dirt poor, but when i recollect the story I heard of losses/spending some thai family members got into, because they acted stupidly or with very little discerning, i scratch my head and wonder: maybe that's why they're poor. But then, I can hear the thai chorus: "you think too mutt"....