BG Disaster - my turn

[thalenoi]

Tough one TTM,

 

Mee also lives at my place, I can not afford to take bullshit.

One evening I went for a beer next door (farang blabla meeting point) She did not want to join (understandably) In the meantime she emptied the only bottle of Mekhong we had in the house and she was totally pissed. I spent several hours with her in the bahtroom to bring her back to life.

 

The next morning she acted jokingly about the incident. I told her very seriousely if she did a repeat she could go home (parents) I don't want a drunken wife in my house. She knows I am damned serious about booze and fucking around.

Btw, she also told me if she found out I would fuck around she would return to her parents. Fair enough.

 

Then again, in 25 trips to LOS and xxx bg's she the one who brought life back into my dead body. Would I reconsider after putting fire on her feet???

 

I still don't like what I read looking at your initial post here.

[radioman]

Thalenoi,

 

I think you need to worry nit noi . Having read a number of your posts I think you have it made. At least it sounds like you got a good one. Don't fret too hard my friend.

 

Shields up is a good policy but don't forget to cut her some slack as well, you know she'll love you twice as hard for it.

 

Hurry on back here.

 

M.

[think_too_mut]

>why she had to sleep around again for money.

 

That's what I asked. The answer was very simple: "For money".

It was not only the money - now I know: 38K baht bracelet and 2K per day.

 

The guy is a fine gentleman but 20 yrs older than me. If it were for a 20yrs old stud, I would have understood.

 

No bigger money will be coming to her, she would have to accept some paycut, what's she going to do next?

 

You guessed it, the answer was what I wanted to hear.

 

Oh, a hint about myself: about 25 cm taller than her but she can't button up my jeans. Still have some hair up there. Passionate surfer and skateboarder. No tatoos.

[pattaya127]

didn't you have a run in with GTG, as she was rather dubious/cynical about your story? Did it turn out she was right, actually? I don't mean to pound it on you, but that was a topic where she got engaged by a lot of members for saying what she thought. And of course it got too personal, but she picked up something, nonetheless.

[pattaya127]

I am of the opinion that even in the absolutely BEST possible scenarios that get discussed on this board, there is ALWAYS going to be *something* going on that the farang wouldn't like if he discovered it

-----------------------------------

And that's the problem, guys rationalize and brush away stuff that should tell them something about what's going on. In a relationship with a "night worker", it is better to acknowledge that the lady will have some kind of behaviours we just don't agree with, rather than hope that "she is not like the others". This way, she knows you are no fool, and cards are a lot more on the table. If you establish a check and balance soon in the relation, constant reality checks will be less hurtful than sudden mishaps. Then you can add it all up and decide if it's worth it or not. I know what my GF does "wrong", but I never have to pick her nose about it, because she tells me about that "wrong" without me bringing it up. She just knows she can't bullshit her way around, if she wanted. Once it's established like that, I find it easier to discuss right away all kind of troubles, and not have to build the relation on continuous guesswork. IME

[phoenix]

Hi TTM,

 

Sorry to hear this, join the club.

 

JJ: >You were trying and you did make a difference in someone's life. There was good and bad and hopefully you received some good from the experience.<

 

I think JJ's comment is the most constructive way to look at this, and the same way I look at my own (similar) expeiences.

You've had soem good times, enjoyed yourself. She has done some learning that she may be able to use in future, her family has some more security.

You're a bit wiser.

Don't dwell too much on the downsids, clock it up too experience.

I know that is easy to say, harder to do. I still feel pangs of regret, and missing her.

Mai Pen Lai.

 

[phoenix]

>She stopped using it 6 months ago.

Just spend 2 hours on the phone with my countryman, her customer. He confirmed that all of a sudden she stopped emailing him 6 months ago.

But SMS was there and she chucked away all the bills except the last one that I picked from the mail box.<

 

Familiar.

 

At some stage, Nok emailed me from a new email address, saying the old one as "no good" do not use anymore.

I didn't pay it any attention, until later I found out around that time, "Ted" (her alternate Boyfriend from Britain) saw her use her password (1234567) and she found it safer to reserve the old address for him, and a new one for me. the new one had her name and '25' as username. After living with her for six weeks, I found her using another one with her name followed by '29'. I wonder who '26', '27, and '28' were.

And who were '1' -'24'? :-)

[phoenix]

>Gotta agree with Ted on this though TTM, you do need to dangle her feet over the fire a little and make sure you hear what you need to hear.<

 

I'm a bit hesitant about that advice. Whenever I've tried to do that, some time after that I've found that she is sooo good at sussing out what I "need to hear" that she will be able to provide that before I realise what i need to hear. You're on very slippery ground here, TTM.

 

To continue with her, you'd have to be absolutely sure that "You're the one for her". And how do you know she's not spinning the same thing to the other

guy(s)? You may \have discovered one, but are you sure that he was the only one?

You'll never be sure. Even if you can lull yourself into a new sense of security after an emotional period of her remorse and you'r forgiving and a 'hearts and flowers' session, can you ever rest securely?

 

Here I'm pessimistic, and my inclination is to say "cut your losses and run".

 

But i'm not you, and she isn't Nok.

 

Good luck, I think i know how you feel.

[Guest]

Yes, welcome to the crowd. You are certainly not a newbie anymore. (perhaps we should have some kind of campaign medal for all of those that have survived a relationship here and still return[remain].

 

I agree with Ted that their values are truly different and we will never completely understand them. I have a friend who has been here 35 years, has grandchildren here and still walks around everyday shaking his head, mumbling " I don't know, it's a Thai thing".

 

Please try to separate yourself a little from the immediate situation. I realize it is difficult to concentrate on cleaning the swamp when you are up to your ass in alligators...but, you need some time alone to assess your own goals. Even take a few days off work (stress leave!) and go somewhere where you are not known, no phones, emails, SMS etc. Have a good talk with yourself and set YOUR priorities and goals in a state of "enlightened selfishness". Only YOU can choose your path correctly, despite all the good wishes and support here and elsewhere.

 

She will still be there when you return. In fact whe will probably be there years from now. Mine and I separated over 2 years ago and despite my not sending an email for 18 months, she still wrote regularly. She cannot (will not) accept that it is over. Truth is not part of her equation. She will say and do vitually anything to preserve the world as she thinks it should be. (This true for many of us as well.) Her job is not to tell the truth, but to tell you whatever she Thinks you want to hear, as long as that returns you to the reality she has created in her (and her family and friends) mind. The concept that you may not return or that the situation is over is completely unacceptable to her...and may always be so.

 

Not communicating directly with her will

a) give you a break that you need and time to start sorting out you life.

drive her crazy

c) let her know you are serious (as long as you talk to her, she figures she can change your mind) (all women know how weak we men truly are)

d) give her some time to think, not just react

 

No doubt you will see Thailand though more battle proven eyes on your next trip. And the girls will see it in you too. Doesn't necessarily make it easier, but "Old Hands" see it different. Welcome to the team.

 

Best of fortune....and try not to live up to your handle tooo mutt.

[Guest]

Sorry to hear your story TTM

I have just experienced a similar thing with my GF of two years (see thread: give her another chance?) and I got the exact same reaction from her; chocking and crying over the phone and constantly sending SMS messages ?I sorry I hurt you, please forgive me, and so on.

 

While I stayed away for work I noticed that she started to change a lot and started hanging around discos with newfound BG friends of her. (These BG friends has completely brainwashed this girl, she has become another person). I felt in my gut that something was wrong. To make a long story short she had a ?one night stand? with a fellow and when I found out, I ended our relationship. She reacted the same way as your GF did and yes they are very good at pulling the right strings.

After a couple of days I agreed to think about us getting together again, if she stayed away from the bars and discos. Of course she promised to do all that and be a nice girl and so on.

Well now it is about a week later and she has been out on discos two days in a row and is going out today again and now she says that the only way she will stop going to the discos is if I register our marriage (another good idea from her new found friends). This will of course never happen, I told her that I don?t want to marry someone who just cheated and lied to me and hangs around in bars and discos everyday, she then changed the subject.

I am going back to Thailand this Wednesday and will try to end things between us as smoothly as possible, I hope it wont cost me to much, It feels like I have wasted two years of my life on her, which she threw down the drain. But there were good times too and I try to think of it as an experience and not become to bitter and cynical.

 

This sounds just like a newbie story and although I am not the most experienced guy, I have been here 6 month a year for almost ten years and believe me, no one saw this coming in advance, we have had a very good relationship and she has always been a very nice and sweet girl, even the old cynics thought well of her.

But apparently she has now changed.

 

I am a little scared that she will be able to pull my strings when I get back and convince me to give her another chance, because I now know that it will only work until I leave Thailand the next time and then she?s of to the discos again.

So I better stop wasting my time with her, the trust is gone, to much work.

I am not saying you should do the same, but be careful and keep your eyes open.

The more experience one have with Thai girls the more puzzled one becomes, but I am totally lost to Asian women, the other alternative is not an option for me.

Good luck to you

 

Gura