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Amazing land of the free! I guess the thinking from the officials is that as the 'enterprising' parking gangs do their shit then they won't count in the already staggering unemployment stats I guess :rolleyes:

Surely finding a parking spot op on the Hollywood (east?) hills night spot area is a bitch thus the opportunity exists as everyone driving - well except drunk - or? :beer::drunk:

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I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.


The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.


After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.


Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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Manure... An interesting fact



Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.




It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.




Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!




Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening



After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term 'Ship High In Transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.




Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.


You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.



I had always thought it was a golf term.


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A woman was testing children in her Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.


She asked, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"


"NO!" the children answered.


"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"


Again, the answer was "No!"


"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"


Again, they all answered "No!". She was bursting with pride for them.


So she continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"


A six year-old boy shouted out the reply: "YUV GOTTAE BE FOCKN' DEAD!"



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A man gets up one morning to find his wife in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in frying pan.


'What are you doing?' he asks.


'I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk,' she replied.


Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, 'I don't remember asking her to cook my sock......'


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A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce.


The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, however the man was so insistent that the boy decided to ask his manager about the matter.


Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."


The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.


Later, the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that awkward situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?"


"Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied.


"Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked.


The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but w h o r e s and footballers there."


"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."


"No s h i t!" the boy replied. "What team does she play for?"

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