How far would you go??

[ThaiHome]

I am always somewhat put off by the smugness of some posters on how their wive's families don?t need or never ask for assistance. In my experience, most of the guys bragging about this, don?t realize the conflict they are causing their wives and the fact the wife is helping and not telling them.

TH

[soongmak]

The questin was about how far YOU are willing to go, not your GF with her own income.

 

Orandodes,

 

Things are never just black and white. It's usually a little more complicated than that. Although my gf makes her own money, we do not have separate bankaccounts. Basically, we share everything on a 50-50 basis and her spending money on her family is reducing our family income. Like I said before, when you're in a relation, you can't decide everything on your own.

 

Still IMO any support should be towards improving income potential and/or education of the next generation. There may be a few exceptions, like medical emergencies, death in the family etc.

 

I totally agree with you. How come though I feel guilty even thinking of buying an LCD TV or any other non-necessities when I realise how far those euro's can go if I would spent them on her family?

 

Try to come up with some plan / small investment perhaps which will give the sister and her husband the chance to stand alone in the near future.

I would like nothing more, but the truth is, I don't have a clue about what ventures do show a decent ROI in rural thailand AND do not ask too much investment wise and knowledge wise. FYI, I am dealing with people here with six years of education and hardly any business sense.

 

So as long as we do not have a plan, we keep sending the money.

 

Cheers,

soongmak

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

>>>I don't have a clue about what ventures do show a decent ROI in rural thailand AND do not ask too much investment wise and knowledge wise. <<<

 

 

my personal solution was, after a few years of thinking, and getting to know their way of life, to invest in land. not for commercial farming - in today's world that is very difficult if one wants to succeed (and you would need 50 rai upwards, better 100 rai, for which i simply had not enough money).

but there is a selfsufficiency farming project heavily promoted by the king and the agricultural universities called 'sittakit por pueang'.

what is important is that the folks are willing to work hard. every agricultural university holds free courses on that for farmers who are willing to do that, and other benefits and incentitives are given as well.

it takes a while to get it up and running, but IMO that is the only feasable long term solution for people like my missus's family.

[jasmine]

Hi Stick,

 

I am from an old Thai self-sufficient family with high education, however, I look for a chance to helping my Thai family which is not just the money. It is more of what we can do to make our parents comfortable and happy. We are greatful that these parents raised us well. The concept of gratefulness to parents is hard to understand for many non-Asians. However, a few of my American friends understand.

 

I have never been asked anything by my brother, niece, nephew, sister-in-law, or my elderly mother, but I give things that hope will make their life better. I am greateful that my mother lives this long for me to show some appreciation which my father did not for he got killed since I was only 16.

 

I have 2 Thai female friends who live in Germany who are a doctor and a professional interpretor who came from a rich family. These 2 females believe the same thing as I do on showing the parents some greatfulness and they are quite frustrated that it could not be money. So, 2 years ago, they fixed the fences around the house of their parents, it was like they struck a gold mine, for they were so happy. ::

 

I left home only when I was 16 and my brother has been taken care of our widowed mother all this time (of course, many credits go to my good sister-in-law also. I am not there to take her to doctors, tend to her when she needs help or just there for a morale support.

 

In my last trip to Thailand, my brother's car is 20 years old and he could not afford a new one yet for he is sending his kids to school. I bought him a brand new car so my mother can go places in comfort. It was a gift for my brother for taking care of Mom all these years which he reluctantly accepted, almost had to force him to accept. Of course a car is a bad investment, so? I am not investing money, I just wanted to give. For Hubby, all he said was "Go for it".

 

I am tired of listening to Western people complaining about the Thai families that they need to support. I am not at all against supporting parents on the level ones can. Of course, there are parents that are hard to be greatful to. Supporting grown siblings is another matter but a little help now and then is ok for that is what is called "family".

 

To hear you saying that you would not marry a woman from poor family background makes me cringe, no ones want to be from poor family background.

 

[color:"red"] I have met all of the close relatives and they are all the same - none will accept a handout.

 

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Of course, a handout is not the same as a gift.

Some of us are glad to make gifts.

 

Cheers!

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] I am always somewhat put off by the smugness of some posters on how their wive's families don?t need or never ask for assistance. In my experience, most of the guys bragging about this, don?t realize the conflict they are causing their wives and the fact the wife is helping and not telling them.

TH

[/color]

 

You are right that conflict can be caused by these husbands attitude. I would feel terrible if I cannot feel that I have a right to give to my mother or must caution my Thai family not to appear greedy!

 

Jasmine ::

[pattaya127]

The concept of gratefulness to parents is hard to understand for many non-Asians.

---------------------------------

I do not think so. I think many of us on this board are extremely grateful to our parents, and have witnessed them helping our grandparents if they needed help, like mine did.

 

What people think outrageous is that a girl will go to the extent of working in a brothel or the nightlife to send money to the family, while knowing Dad is often out binging or/and gambling, or 2 brothers/sisters (whatever) are working in BKK, but don't send money, etc..... NOT A 100% RULE, , but there is a heavy burden on the young sister or daughters to come up with the needed cash.

[Guest]

>>>>What people think outrageous is that a girl will go to the extent of working in a brothel or the nightlife to send money to the family, while knowing Dad is often out binging or/and gambling, or 2 brothers/sisters (whatever) are working in BKK, but don't send money, etc..... NOT A 100% RULE, , but there is a heavy burden on the young sister or daughters to come up with the needed cash. <<<<

 

 

that is one of the generalisations i cannot let stand by itself here. of course that cases are true, and way too many of those do exist.

but you state that here in a way as if that would be the case with the vast majority of BGs. well, i can offer you only anectdotal evidence about the village of my missus. there are more than a few of the girls (and katoyes) in the prostitution - mostly they went themselves, some even against the explicit wishes of their parents (and in many cases leaving their husbands and children behind).

what do you think those will tell their customers? that they left their husbands because they were poor, and they were just interested in making "easy" money?

hardly.

 

you have a tendency to put all blame on thai fathers, and thai males. do you think they feel great about their daughters in the prostitution?

 

a guy i know (from that "little switzerland" where almost every family is in that business one way or the other) is now living in bangkok, ostracised from his family as he wanted his daughters in the university (where they are now). having had a few insights there - it is the mothers and aunts who are putting most pressure on their daughters - not the fathers. it is the wifes who leave their husbands, and those guys can't do fuck all about it.

just look at the agent systhem a bit closer - how many former prostitutes or other women are running that business? just look at the different articles in the papers - how many of those agents caught here, and overseas, are actually women - not men?

 

i know that many western men feel comfortable in the thought that thai men appearantly carry all possible negative attributes, so they can feel good about themselves, have some sort of justification of coming here and screwing those girls, but in my experience those generalisations rarely stand up to reality.

 

i am having a rather wide exposure to thai men, a couple of times a week i do hang out with them. rarely do i see that "evil" thai man. and even when i go down to the slums, most men are no different than us if we would be stuck in that situation - some are hard bastards, some are weak characters, and most are just some nice blokes who are trying to survive in not very favourable circumstances.

 

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] am having a rather wide exposure to thai men, a couple of times a week i do hang out with them. rarely do i see that "evil" thai man. and even when i go down to the slums, most men are no different than us if we would be stuck in that situation - some are hard bastards, some are weak characters, and most are just some nice blokes who are trying to survive in not very favourable circumstances.

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Hi,

 

Since I have been here 2/3 of my life, my exposure to Thai men is limited. However, I have met wonderful Thai men and most of my friends are married to ones who are responsible to their family.

 

Also, I had a doting father and a very loving younger brother who takes his family responibilities very seriously. I have a couple families who are quite ashamed of their children in prostitution and one of the families forbids their daughter to return home, and of course they never take money from prostitution. My mother has said once that money should be clean earnings, prostitution is not and that is her belief, I don't know whether it is the fact.

 

I also was told by Northern families that the people who recruits new massage, bar girls are women, not men.

 

IMO, we must look at things on both sides.

 

Cheers! ::

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] Things are never just black and white. It's usually a little more complicated than that. Although my gf makes her own money, we do not have separate bankaccounts. Basically, we share everything on a 50-50 basis and her spending money on her family is reducing our family income. Like I said before, when you're in a relation, you can't decide everything on your own.

[/color]

 

Hi,

 

Hubby and I have separate accounts but we consult each other for any expense more than $200, so are actually partners. Things about family can be touchy and frustrating but can be worked out.

 

Cheers! ::

[johnnyk]

Just giving money can be a bottomless pit as we well know. In my case I paid down the house mortgage so my TG can seek work that doesn't require earning enough to meet a big monthly payment. Her 75-year old mother was very very happy to know she is secure in her daughter's house.

If things don't work out with my TG, I know that I helped her family out and made her mother's old age a little easier to bear after a life of hard work and I feel good for that.