How far would you go??

[Guest]

The questin was about how far YOU are willing to go, not your GF with her own income.

Still IMO any support should be towards improving income potential and/or education of the next generation. There may be a few exceptions, like medical emergencies, death in the family etc.

 

I dont' have a clear asnwer for your case. Still I would sit down with your GF and discuss this matter very openly. Try to come up with some plan / small investment perhaps which will give the sister and her husband the chance to stand alone in the near future. Perhaps something else than corn can be grown, but needs some small investment (vegetables, mushrooms). You and your GF could be full partner in this venture. You providing the money and they providing the labour. However, it does require commitment on both sides, and who I am to say that that's the case in your situation.

 

Still I believe, that if people can make a decent living by themselves (with your initial help if needed) they'll be more greatful, and appreciative of the relative luxury they could then affort, than if this is all coming from handouts.

 

Taksin in an address to Governor CEO's on Friday made a good remark. He mention that when asking a poor man what his ambition was in life, the answer was being a bus driver.

He than went on to say, that this poor man's ambition was set relatively low, because he knew that being poor any higher ambition was out of reach.

 

This is the case with many upcountry. They don't have an idea on how to improve their living conditions and income potential. They need a little help (partly financial, partly just new idea's). This than gives them a new pupose in life, and if well though out they will see the benefits after a little while.

 

Just sending them money so they can supplement their meager income is not sustainable in the long run, and will not create any incentive.

[Lusty]

When in a LT relationship with a TG (not necessarity a BG), how far would you go in supporting her family? Would you go as far a building a new house, or just send a monthly amount?

Who you support the family at all?

 

What happens if as in my case the family are obviously minted(the farange strikes back ::!)mind you this only adds to the confusion ::.

I've met my Nemissis .

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

"For that reason, I wouldn't marry a girl from a very poor background as I know what may be expected, and I am not prepared to assist."

 

There is a, rather fundamental, flaw with your reasoning. You are linking wealth (or rather lack thereof) with greed.

 

While it is probable that a poor family is more likely to be in need of money, it is not out of the question that they would be too proud to accept it. At the same time that wealthier family might be a bunch of money grabbing scum.

 

Also, as already pointed out by Fly (?) the amounts required by a poor family are likely to be much smaller.

 

Sanuk!

 

PS I assume you understand that all of this is hypothetical / general.

 

[think_too_mut]

>When in a LT relationship with a TG (not necessarity a BG), how far would you go in supporting her family?

 

With the right person, I would go as far as I did with my own family.

Ironically, I was in the exactly the same position as many bgs are - with different means, of course - my entire family relied (and, what's left of them still does) on me.

 

My gf built a house (150K, free family labour), set a noodle shop (10K) next to it so the folks can earn their own living and her mother has 5K per month income from us. The shop works well during the harvest but not sufficient when there are no bypassers.

I have never been asked to chip in, she did everything quietly, using her savings, gold and saving from what I was sending her.

 

Her sister's children are still small but in 3-4 years their scholl will come up. It does not cost much and help and guidance will be provided.

 

As the house was built with basic features, there will be improvements and improvements to be done to it. She'll handle that from her "allowance" when she joins me in farangland.

 

In short, I will never lose sight of her position but would not tolerate any greed that might come up. So far, there were no signs of it.

 

 

[Stickman]

No, I am not linking wealth with greed at all - and am still a bit confused as to how you reached that conclusion?

 

The point I wanted to make is that very poor people will likely require some (more) assistance than people with money.

 

Yes, I do agree with the points you make about poorer families requesting / requiring less.

 

I was VERY open with my mother in law before marriage. On the subject of the dowry, she stated to me in advance that she would like a large amount for face, all of which will be returned - and it was. When it came to other financial "requirements" she stated that she both has never and would never accept money from others, especially her own children. She also stated that it was like this right through the family. I have met all of the close relatives and they are all the same - none will accept a handout.

 

Interestingly enough , while she is from Korat she always talks about "those people from Isaan" who are money hungry and want to get as much as they can. She really despises such behaviour.

 

I acknowledge the traditional Thai ways, but believe me, the family that I have married into do not want any financial assistance at all. They do not admire this one bit.

 

Stick

 

[legover]

how much we give them depends on personal circumstances and within that framework my policy is to help to the degree my own standard of living isn?t compromised too much by giving out of income, up to 20% or so, explaining your limits clearly, a fair exchange for what can come back from a girl & her family who can improve the quality of your life in many ways, being as certain as one can be of her good character and intentions through their own contributions which takes time. and if the relationship becomes stronger with time there?s plenty of opportunity to be more generous later. It may be unrealistic to expect a poorer family to manage a windfall investment without wasting it if there?s little history of success. All sorts of different situations out there and they need careful evaluation, most important at the early stages. The amount of money is less important than their integrity & trust is hard to assess in a short period of time. always a gamble, just don?t make it too expensive for yourself.

 

PS a part of the 20% of a normal farang income, even quite a low one can easily go to a mortgage on a nice country home. they'll then have every reason to be accomodating for years to come.

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

"No, I am not linking wealth with greed at all - and am still a bit confused as to how you reached that conclusion?"

 

It was this bit : "For that reason, I wouldn't marry a girl from a very poor background as I know what may be expected, and I am not prepared to assist."

You are saying that you would not want to marry 'a girl from a very poor background' as you would be expected to help out. That to me means that you are linking wealth and greed (although I guess this word was a bit badly chosen, I am refering to them asking for money).

 

"The point I wanted to make is that very poor people will likely require some (more) assistance than people with money."

 

Ah, okay. Got it. Although I do not fully agree. Those with a bit more, may also expect more. For instance, there is no way they could do without a TV, DVD player, mobile, motorbike, ... because all the others in the neighbourhood have these.

 

"I acknowledge the traditional Thai ways, but believe me, the family that I have married into do not want any financial assistance at all. They do not admire this one bit."

 

Pretty much the same with my wife's, but they do not have the luxury of turning down handouts (which to clarify are never requested).

 

Anyway, it sounds that we are in a fairly similar situation. Nothing is expected, and anything given is much appreciated.

 

Sanuk!

 

[Guest]

>>>The point I wanted to make is that very poor people will likely require some (more) assistance than people with money.<<<

 

 

i guess i am another exception to that rule then - the first years i was with my missus i could not have afforded any assistance, and none was ever requested or expected.

she comes from a background as poor as it can get - landless farm labourers from a ethnic minority.

all i do now i do on my own account.

 

poor = expectations of more assistance...nops, i don't buy into that one.

if the floks of my missus would have a bit more healthy greed they would not be as poor as they are.

i have other friends whose missus families are everything else than poor, and the requests for outrageous amounts of money never stop.

it has a lot more to do with culture and self-respect, and many poor people have nothing else than that.

in your case you are lucky, as i am. but i would not make a rule out of that.

 

you know my missus, mate, did she strike you as particularly interested in money...

 

 

[limbo]

Hi Oran,

 

After the plans of building a house were finalised, it all turned out to be a bit more expensive than expected, no worries my father in law said and helped us out with some cash. There's no rush in paying back neither, sofar.

The house is considered as sinsot tho, I guess.

 

My wife's family are modest and can take care of themselves. They're local folks, living here since a few generations and they all own land, both dad and mum's side.

 

They're self supporting and sofar I've never been asked for financial help.

 

I guess, just like a few others here, I've been rather lucky to having met such a family in law.

[Guest lazyphil]

As my mrs and me both work full time earning similar wages and have a joint account; pay bills, mortgage together etc, I have no problem in the fact we have a 5 year loan to pay for the house we are having built in pakkret near her mums shack by the river. Her brother (yes, brother not Thai boyfriend you old hands might be thinking!!) is paying the rest of the cost of building (about 20% of)....we have commitments and responsibilities in LOS. Eventually we will spend more time (probably retire and live in later) and our daughter can spend school holidays at the house to get to learn her other side. Its about partnership and trust and how far we will go not just me. We are helping the family have a more comfortable life and helping ourselves at the same time. A win win situation for all

 

Spending a year in LOS and coming home together with bugger all of my savings left we had a plan to do the above. So far its going along as mapped. Fingers crossed it'll remain so.