JJsushi Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 Dude take all offers off of the table IMMEDIATELY!!! The mother blew the deal. She is taking your ass through the wringer and if you don't take control now you will not only have trouble with the mother later but you will also have problems with the wife, which may lead to eventual divorce. You tell your fiancee that you will only pay for the wedding and nothing else. She has a choice marry you or go stay in her mothers house with no hope of finding another man. Have some pride and don't let these people make a chump out of you and your emotions. Show strenght , not weakness. You were being more than genorous and the mother basically spit in your face, direspecting you. You force your lady to make a choice because there is no more negotiating. If she choses to do it your way then you know you have a loyal wife and you can always win over the family later, if she does not do it your way, well you just saved yourself a major headache and some good money. Do you really want to marry into a family that you feel is extorting you? Last time I checked 100,000bt could buy you 2 RT economy tickets USA-BKK. Seriously, take the offer off of the table and only pay for the wedding, stick to that and you will either have a wife or be available again. Whichever way it goes your self respect is still intact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rovineye Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 When discussed with my GF, she flat out said she would be the one deciding. Only 20,000 baht for mama for a addition to her house. Also 40,000 baht for GF for her own security in case I dumped her. Sounds great to me. Her attitude is that she provided more when young than her parents spent. She owes no one anything. She is not at all vague about this, to me or her family. She has never been married, but does have children. But she is also Lisu, and they traditionally have large sin sot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 and use the sin sot to buy your lady a nice present of gold -------------------------------- which will change hands next she goes back to visit the Mom. I think one of his problems is that there does not seem to be a 3rd party to go in-between him and the Mom. This helps tremendously to bring back face and social graces. Since we read his story before, i am abit :: with that GF. I understand the family stuff, but she seems really unable to understand life is about making decisions, goes for thais too. I certainly know more than a few Tgs who went against their parents wishes. They did not die, for taking their life in their own hands once. 36, and just "being there".... whosyourdaddy: they have to be able to see your culture as well. ------------------------- These people could not care less about his culture. Take it or leave it, Mom said. If I read well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 Obviously, I agree with JJ here, pull the offer off the table, or lower it tremendously. She demands to much, so you offer to little, simple as that. My guess is by offering 100,000THB, she though you had more to give. Since you would come up from your already generous offer, she got pissed, and decided to turn it into a stand off. If you offer any more, and don't show strenght here, the monthly/weekly/daily demands on you will be rediculis! Looking at it again, I'd say pull the offer out completely and just elope. At that point you've made the message clear that you won't be pushed around, and that you still got what you wanted, and she got nothing. It will send the right message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 O.k. just finished chatting with my Sakhon Nakhon friend (who now lives in Belgium) she said, you can try a gold sin sot. This means you give the girl (GF) a bunch of gold, which is her safety net so to speak. This way, she /you have control of it, and no need to worry about getting it back! It shows that something has been paid, and may go up in value in several years...just another suggestion. Still like the idea of just eloping, and with drawing all offers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 I also have to agree with OH and JJ. Take all offers off of the table. My mother used ot say, "when it doubt, move a pawn". Your situation does sound like it has more to do with saving your self-respect and not getting punked out like a little bitch than just the money. They say "love is blind". They also say that "in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 When I got married I paid a huge Sin-sot. At a time when I could ill afford it. Ouch!! Also wedding costs were huge. However after we counted all the cash from the guests, paid for the ceremony, food etc, and received a "rebate" on the sin-sot...we nearly broke even. You don't want to start a marriage out in debt. Don't let them hustle you--30k sounds about right...and no annuities!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 Hey, perhaps it's my sick humour..........are you sure the Sin Sot will be given back to you immediately? Is it socially acceptable to take a check?.... ..say a bank check?......say a bank check from a ficticious bank? Are you handy with "Photoshop" or other photoediting programs? Give me an hour and one sheet of hi quality paper, a decent bubble jet printer and I'll cook you up a check for 10,000,000 Bhat from the Bank of "Dewey, Cheatum & Howe" Based in Farangland. Catch my drift Hoss? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygye Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 Ask your GF if she will marry you in your home country WITHOUT her mothers blessing. If she says no then drop her since the greedy mother will always be breathing down your neck. If she says yes, go forward with a fiancee visa. Tell the mother the sin sot offer is now 50000 baht or you will just marry in your home country and there will be NO village wedding. I would want the mother to know her greed just cost her 50K. That way it is a win-win situation for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 This way, she /you have control of it, ------------------------ sorry to insist, but given the "respect" this woman has for her family/Mom, this gold will be handed out to them at some point. I think you guys (glimy was humour though) forget that Sin Sod is to be seen and counted publicly on the wedding day, with regional or village variations no doubt, but still. It's not just the gift or safety net matter here, but the amount to be flaunted at so all can see and know. Thinking he will have to pay for the wedding, and given the propension for Mom to uncompromise and frown at "keeniao-ness", this is at least another 100 000 bahts to spend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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