pattaya127 Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 or zero and elope. ---------------- That's what the great cultural powers of the board :: said it could come too at that time,as it is not unheard of, far from it, in Thailand. For that, your GF must know and tell you what she wants, PERIOD. By now, what seemed a disagreement has become a contentious issue, ie. someone has to lose face. When they will find it again, they will go by the "fait-accompli" and do like most of us do in our lives: compromise. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 Hate to say it, but this bitch is going to be a pain in your ass for life if you don't nip it in the bud fast. Stand firm, and don't budge, maybe even lower your offer a few Bhat, see what happens, if all else fails, and your gf is in this for real, then do as others have said and "elope." But important to stand hard now, or forever be her (the hag's) bitch... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 I agree. If the mother is being so stuborn now she will be causing more grief in the future. She's eventually going to be upset over money, may as well get it out of the way now. Drop a zero and give her 30,000 (more than she deserves). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Central Scrutinizer Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 Says lazyphil: <<but just a formality as every single penny will be returned to us anyway, but for face, there has to be a large cheque on the table>> BB--I absolutely fail to see the point in giving money then to have it given back--seems like complete and utter nonsense to me :: :: Phil, Has to do with family face in front of the relatives and neighbors. And the practice is absurd, and this Mum seems to be a gold digger. I'd be very wary, and I guarantee she is also, the Mum that is, being coached and prodded by other older greedy family members. Probably an uncle or two of his GF, or Mum's best friends and drinking cronies telling her to reach for that farang pie in the sky. 100,000 baht is plenty enough for face. Actually way too much. Actually HS are you footing the full bill for the wedding too? This can be quite a lot added on to your sin sot tab. :-( Cent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Central Scrutinizer Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 HST, PM me. I have some info and experience in this sort of matter you might want to hear. Can give you a few ideas and stradegies (sic?) to consider. Went through some stuff like this myself a couple of years ago. Cent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Central Scrutinizer Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 That's some very good advice there from the Old Hippie HST. It is good to show you won't be taken advantage of right from the very start, it sucks though to have the Mother-in-law pissed at you, but fuck her if she's being unreasonable. I'd be interested to know just how good a mother she has been to/for your girlfriend, and how much she thinks her momma "spent" over the years "raising" her, or if she ever did. :-) It's usually the ones asking for the huge sin sot that were the horrible parents during the girls formative younger years, and don't deserve a fucking satang really. Cent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSTEACH Posted October 25, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 As far as money being returned, are you kidding? Hell, they probably already have a "wish list" ready to spend every single satang. Am I responsible for the wedding costs? Don't think THESE folks will pay for it do you? Sorry about being sarcastic, but the more I think about this, the hotter I become. My GF said she would marry me without any sinsot, but she does not want her family to lose face with the folks in the village, so we're at a stalemate. My Gf fells like she's between a rock and a hard place. Support the family and love me at the same time and make me happy. Her mom went so far as to suggest she find a "richer" farang as it seemed I was to poor to properly support my future. wife. What that tells me is I'm to poor to support the "family" in the manner which they would like to be supported. With all this being said, if this marriage ever comes to pass, I'll be a cold day in hell when any of MY money ever enters that village again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Central Scrutinizer Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 HST, Jai yen yen. :-) It'll all work out. Your 100,000 baht offer is very reasonable. Sounds like her Mum is a greedy witch, and has no care for her daughter's feelings, wants, needs, and future happiness. Also, it wasn't me who brought up the "give big sin sot, we give back to you" theme. And you're right to be leery of this, because once the money is in their hands it is highly doubtful you'll ever see it again. I've heard of this theme on the sin sot, but wouldn't do it for just these reasons we speak of. And yeah, I know you'll be paying for the wedding, but just how BIG a wedding are they planning for? HOW expensive? You and your lady are between a rock and a hard place. She will have a hard time refusing to do as her family wants her to do. It's so ingrained in her it will be hard, and a sad thing, for her to go against the mother. Keep compromising. Bargain. Stand your ground. And let your lady know you love her, and can care for her and will do what you can to help her help her family, but all within reason. A Thai man would not put up with this stuff. It wouldn't even be brought up really considering her status as a marriageable woman. Momma seems to feel she's owed something for her raising her daughter. She may have some fears for herself in her old age. (How old is this woman anyway? How's her health? Are there other sisters and brothers of your lady who help her with expenses and living costs? And what is the family's status and financial situation?) And if your lady is serious about marrying you without the sin sot if Momma doesn't change her tune, well, do that. Marry her in Bangkok with a bunch of her friends and your friends surrounding you on the happy day, and use the sin sot to buy your lady a nice present of gold and go on a nice honeymoon without the family's blessings. This will be very hard on your lady, no matter what she says. Best to try to work out a compromise though to keep the peace. PM me and we can talk privately some more. Cent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limbo Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 Hi HST, The amount of this sinsot is ridiculous. Since you're in Thailand, paying a sinsot is part of the game, so a reasonable amount is within the rules of the game. However, you need to stand your ground here and make it perfectly clear that you can take care of your missus, but aren't a easy way of generating income for the rest of the family, including her mom. If your wife is sincere about having the wedding without the sinsot, I'ld follow Cent's advice and have a wedding in BKK and than spent the 100.000B on your wife or on something to do together. The offered 100.000Baht sounds more than reasonable. I know it's easy to say from the sideline, especially if you're in love and you have a bad start with the mum already, but I would consider dropping the amount as well. Although that won't go down well at all, but how much worse can it get? Maybe best tho to find a compromise, but definately not exceeding 100.000Baht, and pending on how big they want the wedding to be, the party has to be paid out of this amount as well (normally you'll get a fair deal back, from all the envelopes of the folks attending). Good luck with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosyourdaddy Posted October 26, 2003 Report Share Posted October 26, 2003 Hmm very difficult situation. I was also adamant that I would not pay the dowry. I explained that it was not my culture and I consider it form of prostitution. They accepted my argument and everything was fine. But that does not help you. You have a few options.. Get married back in the states, get her pregnant or wait till the old lady comes along. You can pay hardball to. I presume that a few more months of engagement will not hurt as you guys can get to know each other better. Take your time and stand by your principles. You might want to suggest that the daughter will be taken care of and she can give all of her salary to the mother if need be. But if you give her the 300000 that it will effect your retirement and your future family!! Just relax and remember there is 2 cultures here in this marriage and not just Thai culture. they have to be able to see your culture as well. Not to play devils advocate here but you might want someone there that understands enough Thai so that your gf is actually telling her mother the truth and not what the mother wants to here. Thai women can act strange when it comes to involve their mothers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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