Guest Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 OK, this is from the 'been there, done that, it's no good' category. He may be your son, BUT .......... he is a grown man with a gf he is cheating on, a lazy (can't clean up after himself) attitude, and is still mooching off Dad. This isn't a visit to see how Dad is recovering and getting along. It's 'what can I get out of this for me', mooch. I doubt you'd allow any one else to move in with his 'flavor of the day and his friends, turn your world on it's head and drive your lady out. Kick his ass and his gf and his friends out. NOW ! You have a guest house . right? Let them stay there, or go rent something like responsible adults, which apparently they are not. Then let your long time gf/wife regain her proper place and sanity. And you go to Farangland not worrying about whether you have a gf anymore, or your rented house will be trashed, or your stereo won't be smashed in a drunken party with his friends some night. I'm DEADLY serious here Talenoi. All of us who have had heart attacks before know the ONE THING TO AVOID is stress. This lad is not helping at all. Take control of YOUR life, or the doctors will. I mean it man, look after you first, because it's obvious he won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 What a hide! Seems like one endless source of grief for his ailing father. Can't he afford a bungalow? Call a family meeting, lay down the law and if he doesn't like dad's rules, there's the door! Sorry son, grow up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 If I remember correctly you originally came to Thailand to relax, enjoy yourself and pursue your relationship with your GF--basically get away from all of the stressful crap you experienced in Farangland. Exactly how does your son fit into those original plans? Why let the kid muck up your paradise? Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 Well.....blood is thicker than water. Easy for us to say his son is an a??hole. But Thalenoi is a father with child, and not so easy to blow off, as easily as we can here. I do agree with many comments here, but need to understand Thalenoi's delema, as he is being placed between a rock, and hard place. No matter what he does, it will alienate someone....either his long-time girl friend, or his own flesh and blood. While 'tough-love' has it's place, telling your child to 'take-a-hike' from your life, is not an easy option. Seems the simple thing for him to do here, but not in real life. Thalenoi....My thinking is that the key to a solution is in simple communication. Sit your son down, and explain your present life to him, and what you need to be happy. You never know. He might think of you as settling down with an ex-bar girl, and think it all party time there for you, and is just following in 'dad's' footsteps. On the other hand, when we met last year, you spoke of Mee's non-acceptance of a board member here, who stayed with you for a few days. She does seem to be very protective of her world, and does not like any intrusion. It's because of this knowlege, that I can understand the situation you are in. The answer is in making your son, realise the reality of your situation, and respecting it. And also in having Mee have a little more tolerance. To me, sounds like both personalities are a little excessive, thus creating the friction, in such virocity, in such a short period. Mee needs to understand that there will be intrusions into your lives, periodicly, and that your son needs to know the situation in it's entirety, and to act accordingly. Your son might come to visit very occassionaly, but 98% of your life, is with Mee. I do not envy your situation. Your own son, over an ex-bargirl girl.......which you've only been with for 2 years. But that may not be fair, bringing that fact into it, that she is an ex-bar girl. From all accounts that I have heard, she is faithful to you, and does love only you. So what you are facing, in essence, is to choose between a normal younger g/f, and your own son. Set down the law, on both sides, and try to bring them together. Barring that, your life is with Mee, and you will have to make some hard decissions, if your efforts to have them reconcile, become fruitless. Good luck........ HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosyourdaddy Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 I agree. Anyone who says I am leaving you over a couple of noises in the house is not committed to the relationship. I would never even think of saying those things under such trivial matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 Hi, "I would never even think of saying those things under such trivial matters." Yes, but you are: - not Thai - not a woman - not brought up on Thai soaps Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 Hi, I feel that your GF, in her situation feels insecure becuase she is, just that your GF. If she were your wife, she would felt differently becuase she would feel that she owns the house and has more rights. This the women's feelings and I am sure I am quite accurate on this feeling. In my home, guests do follow certain rules or there are hotels. I do clean after my guests, however, not many guest who I clean after are welcomed back. The typr of behaviour you described of your son, is not welcome to my home, period. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 My father aways used to say it takes two to tango. And while I agree your Son should tow the line and do some chores, along with his gf, I would say that what alarmed me was your gfs attitude. In my limited experience I have noticed that Thais are very quick to point out what they dont like. However, if one points out their faults then its not taken well at all. It sounded to me like a complete lack of sensitivity to your situation. He is your Son after all. I dont know your gf but surely, she should have talked to you explaining why she felt bad re your Son staying with you. To say I am leaving until your Son goes is completely selfish. What is she trying to say? Choose me or your Son? Having said that its not great for him to invite everyone to come and stay at your house without asking first. And I wouldnt have undersirable people staying with me. It must be reassuring to know you have an airtight relationship with this girl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 HIGH THAIED said: I do not envy your situation. Your own son, over an ex-bargirl girl.......which you've only been with for 2 years. But that may not be fair, bringing that fact into it, that she is an ex-bar girl. From all accounts that I have heard, she is faithful to you, and does love only you. So what you are facing, in essence, is to choose between a normal younger g/f, and your own son. You got this last part all wrong IMO. He is not dealing with an either or situation. He is not choosing an ex-BG or his son. (don't understand why her former occupation has anything to do with it). He is dealing with a situation in which he loves two inividuals who cause friction within the same environment. He is dealing with a situation in which his son is intruding upon his current life/lifestyle and his GF has issues with that intrusion. There is no choosing one over the other, it is simply a matter of setting parameters which all of his loved ones can operate within. He has created a certain life for himself and he has to protect that with boundaries that he controls. Your first bit of advice was correct. Thaleoni should use simple communication and convey to all what he feels is the right solution. He has to make it be known to all what will make him happy too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 That is an interesting view Jas; the wife vs the GF syndrome. I used to have that problem all of the time during social/business events that involved couples. All of my ex-gf's always had a certain amount of heightened anxiety during these affairs. Inevitably during some heated argument over something silly it would come out how much they hate being introduced as "THE GIRLFRIEND" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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