Hamokhamok Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 Tell your son to fuck off and get a place of his own. It is your place (and your gf's). He seems to treating it as open house. He should know the rules without being told. He should respect you and your gf. He has invited his friend to stay - that may be the thin end of the wedge. What happens if his friend meets up with some girl - he is sure to bring her 'home' as well. NO NO NO way. You and your gf should not have to put up with that. I'm afraid it has to be the soldiers farewell for your son and his followers. GOOD BYE GOOD LUCK AND FUCK YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 [color:"blue"] Well.....blood is thicker than water. Easy for us to say his son is an a??hole. But Thalenoi is a father with child, and not so easy to blow off, as easily as we can here. I do agree with many comments here, but need to understand Thalenoi's delema, as he is being placed between a rock, and hard place. No matter what he does, it will alienate someone....either his long-time girl friend, or his own flesh and blood. While 'tough-love' has it's place, telling your child to 'take-a-hike' from your life, is not an easy option. Seems the simple thing for him to do here, but not in real life. [/color] Well HT IMO this blood is thicker than water crap is a grand excuse for someone to have to tolerate a lot of BS they would never except otherwise. No one were is suggesting he tell his som to 'take-a-hike' from his life. Just from his house and place of recooperation. No problem to visit, no problem to even stay a day or two, but to show up with Bkk take-out on your arm and invite a friend as well is pure abuse. In real life when my daughter starting bringing home her druggie bfs and all their friends, and all that insues from that, they got the total boot. Then and there. We may be their parents HT but when they get old enough to drink, screw, and travel around the world, they get old enough to be responsible adults, or they don't. We are NOT responsible for them forever. We are not to be held ransom for all our life by the genetic code bond. I suspect Mee would have no problem with just the son visiting. But he's not visiting his Dad, he has come to party with his friends. What is someone to do when he does the switch a partner routine in a fw weeks? Or when Mom comes a calling? Shit he can live right next door, but putting his Dad and Mee in this position is not only unfair but abusive and totally selfish. Kick hime out. I fhe can afford 4 months off and travel the world, he can afford to rent a place there, and give his Dad back his life. You are not going to teach tolerance nor respect in a couple of family sit down sessions, that is purely niave IMO. If he doesn't have any of it figured right yet, a couple of weeks ain't going to change him now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spirit_of_town_hall Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 To echo some of the other statements, he is your son and IMHO he comes first. Say to your GF " If you really want to leave I will respect your decision. Dont be held to ransom or allow her in anyway to use that threat as leverage. After all she will be aware that competition for a good hearted easy going farang is severe.... Have you spoken to your son candidly and told him that you and your GF are not happy with him taking the place for granted and treating the place as a hotel. He is your son and maybe is behaving selfishly, but that is not uncommon. Dont let your GF nag you, she knows where the door is if she is truly not happy. STH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymouse Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 Difficult situation - personally I wouldn't let him stay in the house while you are away, you will have no peace of mind while you are abroad......do you want to come back to a trashed house and no girlfriend [a worst case scenario]. I don't think it helps you being in Chumpon - what is he going to be doing there for a month? pissing it up every day and lazing about the house the rest of the time waiting for you girlfriend to clear up after him. I'd take him down the local bar have a fatherly chat with him, Suggest tactfully that he would be better of exploring the rest of the country while you are abroad and that you would be happy for him to come and stay with you when you get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 To echo some of the other statements, he is your son and IMHO he comes first. Say to your GF " If you really want to leave I will respect your decision. Dont be held to ransom or allow her in anyway to use that threat as leverage. Dont let your GF nag you, she knows where the door is if she is truly not happy. What a total crap advice. :: Just reverse the situation and imagine you would be living with your gf in her appartment and you had to deal with her son for two months while she was absent. Fat chance in hell you, or anybody else here would tolerate this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 We may be their parents HT but when they get old enough to drink, screw, and travel around the world, they get old enough to be responsible adults, or they don't. We are NOT responsible for them forever. We are not to be held ransom for all our life by the genetic code bond." No truer words ever written. The advice about showing the GF the door or her lack of commitment is crap What she is doing is seeing the situation without your "genetic bond" created rose tinted glasses. Listen to her and look at your son's behaviour objectively. He is taking serious advantage of you (as it sounds like he has his whole life). You are worried about being a bad father? How old is your son? If he can take a "4 month career interruption" (by the way, what does that mean? Sounds like he got sacked) and travel to Thailand to mooch off you, it is way too late for you to be worried about being a bad father. TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thalenoi Posted November 27, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 jjsushi said:He is dealing with a situation in which his son is intruding upon his current life/lifestyle and his GF has issues with that intrusion. There is no choosing one over the other, it is simply a matter of setting parameters which all of his loved ones can operate within. He has created a certain life for himself and he has to protect that with boundaries that he controls. This summarises it all, thanks. The problem myself and the gf have is not with the son staying a week or so at my place, it's his invading/taking over the place with anyone of his liking that disturbs me. His (vague) plans were communicated to me by mail and tel. I told him it was a NO GO for his friends (and I explained WHY that was a NO GO) and that I could arrange to rent a house for him based on the assumption it would be a day and night open door thing. I also made it clear HE was welcome for some time, considering he would not stay for weeks, knowing he would be bored after 10 days Chumpon. But, he must have told his friends about the big house his father is renting and how nice it is to have a free stay, he is a very generous person and he has lots of friends (because of his generosity) He simply can not understand his father has a different opinion. So he argued he had nice friends, they would keep low profiles etc... Unacceptable for me, he does not care. He happy, friends happy, I big smile and very happy I have this invasion, a perfect world. If it bothers the gf, too bad for her, she does not pay the rent, coming from a rice hut she should be grateful to me. Exactly his words a few days ago. I am truly pissed-off by his attidude and there is no way one can get a message accross. The gf also enjoys a solitary life and I am the first exception. We enjoy living in our small world, don't socialise much. We are two loners who found our complement. No need for intruders in our life. The option of renting a house for the gang was discussed with the gf and that idea pleased her a lot, but the son had other plans. No surprise it all went wrong after 48 hours. But the gf's recaction was extreme and so was the son's. I was surprised her decision to leave me was not emotional at all. It was an ice-cool decision. She identified the problem as a lack of respect from my son towards me. I don't know what exactly triggered her decision. She did tell me "I don't invite my friends here, your son should not invite his friends neither" This considering we both agreed to YES for the son, NO for his friends. Today the gf is trying to calm me down and make me accept the son's presence here in January and February, regardless the gf he will be having with him. This means she has been thinking and searching a solution that would be acceptable, mentionning "it's only for 3 months, you no dead, I no dead. For me the problem is not solved. Strange people in my house next month, the gf plans to go home for the month, and need to accept whatever my son will come up with in Jan/Feb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 Hi, "If it bothers the gf, too bad for her, she does not pay the rent, coming from a rice hut she should be grateful to me. Exactly his words a few days ago." That I think is more than enough reason to kick him out! Total lack of respect towards you and your GF. You are his father for christsakes. If I talked to my Dad like that he would hit me. Hard! And I think he would have every right to do so. Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grabii Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 wyd, This situation sounds like it may not be trivial at all. I'm pretty easy going, but I would not tolerate the behavior from my kids that he seems to be unable or unwilling to stop. I think the girlfriend's statements were her way of telling him that he has to do something, he really has to do something, to take control of his own house and his own kid. Regards, JEff whosyourdaddy said:I agree. Anyone who says I am leaving you over a couple of noises in the house is not committed to the relationship. I would never even think of saying those things under such trivial matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted November 27, 2003 Report Share Posted November 27, 2003 I guess I am in a minority on this one, but I think if any woman in a serious relationship or marriage threatens to leave, then yes, that is a big deal. I would venture to say that very few farang women would say this but then admitedly, I have been away from farang women for a long time. I hear about people have big arguments and Thai women playing this card. All I can say is that I would not want to be in a relationship with suich a volatile woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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