check_bin_krap Posted November 29, 2003 Report Share Posted November 29, 2003 I think you put your gf in a difficult position. Relationships between old and new family is always tricky stuff. If your relationship is like normal divorced guys with new partner, there will always be tension between your old family and her. You have not helped by putting her in a position where she is a servant for your son and his gf when they visit. You probably did not reflect enough on this before your son came, but you should certainly do something now. I would suggest that the last person who should clean up after them when they stay there, is her. Do it yourself if there is no other option. I think its too late to teach your son manners, you will probably be facing the situation that you have to throw him out sooner or later. The other option is that you risk your own relationship with your gf. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 'Tis a cruel world indeed then! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Man, getting old sucks. I think you and your gf should lighten up. Have some drinks, smoke some weed and PARTY TIME!! Seriously, your rules are fair. I am sure if he does not comply, he can stay elsewhere.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 I would not want to be in a relationship with suich a volatile woman. wouldn't trade my volatile woman she makes me feel alive :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thalenoi Posted November 30, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Update: Son and friend passed by yesterday from 15.00 to 20.30 Gf said hello to him, doubt he replied something, small talk about his Phuket trip, went upstairs to connect internet and talk with the other world, he went for a swim, gf and myself went to restaurant, he turned in the motorbikes he rent, came back with a chartered pick-up and off he went to bkk. He waved bye-bye but don't think I heard a "thank you" from either of the two. I am off wednesday to bkk and friday to farangland. He has a key of the house and will occupy the place with the people he invited during dec. I will be back January 7th. The gf goes home next friday. Normally she brings her sister down here to wait until I return. I don't think she will come back here until my return. She was considering coming on her own half dec and stay in the house with son and his "official" gf, they know each other. But she has the feeling the son will look down upon her, he must think my gf set me up against him. As for his stay Jan and Feb, I doubt I will tolerate him around the place, most certainly if he shows a negative attidude towards my gf. A few board members know of my heart problems and I have arythmia from the day he arrived, worrying too much and not sleeping well. That's enough motive to keep him away from staying at my place. The gf has been trying to find a compromise: don't make war with your son and accept he stays here Jan/Feb In faranland he stays at my (our) house with his mother. I insisted he pays something (that's a meager 3k baht) but he thinks that's to fund the place here, so he thinks he has a rigth to the house here. I have told him in vain that his 3k baht were not enough to cover expenses in farangland (food, cleaning, heating; he does pay his part of electricity - computers running 24h/day) When he was 23 I threw him out because he refused to work after he refused to study. He disappeared for 6 months. I had a monday/friday away job. He came back home secretly and went away for the week-end. My wife made the mistake not to set rules for his coming back. When I got my heart problems I was not in a position to set rules. I decided to live in LOS, far from the madding crowd. As for ther gf's reaction of quitting me, a strange decision, knowing she would be on her own for survival. That must be a tough decision to make. It takes a lot of character to make such decisions. Dear Stickman, I admire her more than my son for that. but still a way off understanding the Thai psyche. Update in January.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thalenoi said: If it bothers the gf, too bad for her, she does not pay the rent, coming from a rice hut she should be grateful to me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dragon said: If these were exactly his words in front of you, would you imagine how's his attitude in front of your gf? Thailenol, don't ignore this short post by dragon. Apparently it took your gf exactly two days to figure out your son's lack of respect for her, people with his attitude type are not capable of hiding it. this is very hurtful for her, enough that she decided to leave you (tho she changed her mind later). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 she does not pay the rent, coming from a rice hut she should be grateful to me. Well thailenol you have a difficult problem with your son. When i encounter this farang attitude toward asian woman it can be extremely frustrating and sometimes causes me to contemplate violence (never act on the impulse of course). I know hearing it from your own son was painful. Lets face it, your son is not the only farang with this attitude. Guys who bring their girls back here to the US are facing the "you have a mail order bride" attitude. I find the people most likely to think this way and who are completely incapable of looking at the girl as an individual are the ones with the most education, so maybe your son is in 'good' company. With him spending time in los and having a tgf maybe he will see the light. Some people never do and not much for you to do about it, just accept that your son is not perfect. You do need to keep him out of the house. Leaving someone with his narrow view of your gf will be the end of your relationship. Him taking 4 months off either means he is flush with cash and can rent a nice place, or the opposite. Not your problem, he has to go. My advice: sit him down (over a drink if you drink), let him know you love him but in view of his stated opinion about the inferiority of your gf he needs to get his own party pad and carry on his superior farang lifestyle there. Don't say it this way, there is no benefit to you or him arguing over the merits of your gf. Find a way to tell him politely that you are happy he came to see you, but starting now he cannot come to your home whatsoever. Drive the point home by asking for the keys, and tell him you look forward to visit him daily at his new place. You are not choosing the gf over him, if this creates a schism its because he chooses to make it so and its beyond your control. Don't play around with this, his attitude has placed your relationship with the gf at risk and things will get much worse not better. All IMHO of course and good luck to you and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Just saw your update. Maybe he and his friends will want to stay in bkk, if your 29 years old where would you want to be? This has me wondering, what is there to do in chumphon? Worth a visit? Can stay at your place? - kidding :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Quote "As for ther gf's reaction of quitting me, a strange decision, knowing she would be on her own for survival." I find the reaction to leave not strange, but very much in line with how I would probably have reacted to the situation. In the initial posting, it was mentioned there was a considerable amount of violence that occurred before she mentioned that she was leaving. When the violence occurred, the cause of the violence was not fully resolved. When the violence started, both of them should have been told to leave right then and there. That was not done. As an innocent by-stander - your girlfriend presented the only alternative to the solution as far as it concerned herself and that was to leave. Thais do not like violence and Falangs should dislike it even more because of the consequences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gummigut Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 The longer you put off making him carry his own weight the worse off in life he'll be. I've seen this from trailer park trash to debutante ball types. 3k baht to pay rent? Let's be honest, that's nothing. <<burp>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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