thalenoi Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 My son got 4 months "career interruption" and decided to spent these 4 months around Thailand and more precisely around my place here in Chumpon. Since he seeems to be unable to travel alone he hit my place last week with a Bangkok girl and a friend from farangland. Two nights down the road my gf starts to pack and tells me "I am leaving you tomorrow, I am not your son's maid and thanks for the nice two years with you" Wow, are thai people that sensible? I thougt family is important and relatives visits are not unusual and should not lead to break-ups within 48 hours.... To be honest, my son's arrival was discussed many times beforehand, and although I am happy he wants to spent some time with me, I also made it clear to him I was not thrilled by his plans to invite all of his friends over here. I am here to live a quiet life and whilst I am a day type of person, my son is of the night type, starting the day? around 17.00 and going to bed way after 02.00. The gf I live with is also of the calm type and all we need is a peacefull life, the rat race is over. I will be in farangland during december, the gf usually gets a sister over here and waits for my return. My son's plans are to occupy the place in december whilst inviting first a gf and his mother the first two weeks, followed by HIS farang gf the second half of december. Since I told him my gf is affraid staying alone in the house and informed of my aversion for his friends he thought he had found the ultimate solution. This was never discussed in detail until he got here and my gf said immediately: "I will not stay here with your son and friends, I will come back when you're coming back, and where do I go? I don't like to stay at my parents place" Nice problem I got on my hands... What happened as foreseen were doors banging, motorbikes starting and shutting down any time during the night disturbing our sleeping hours. We rent a big house and the gf spent two afternoons cleaning two rooms and two bathrooms, one which was not occupied for 6 months. 48 hours were enough to have her cracking, and I can add my son's behaviour is not to my liking. He is just unconsiderate for other peoples opinions although he thinks he is. I got very disturbed by her decision to leave me and found it all went too far out of hand. But she told me not to get angry with my son, she was the bad person, not being able to accept farang manners. Later that day she told me she would stay until I left for farangland early december, two weeks down the road. Then the next night we heard screaming and fighting in my son's room. My gf asked me to intervene. No way I would get involved. Some more motorbike noise, it all calmed down, but we did not sleep much that night. Next morning my son came to present his excuses, his gf got drunk and went crazy. She scartched him to bleed and she would be gone by the evening. We were invited for a day trip by some friends living here and when we hit our place around 19.00 my son and the crazy gf were sitting outside the house. That got my gf really upset and she asked me to go on holliday the next day. I told my son that was it, and he should take her out of my house. He brought her to a bungalow on the beach. Sure this cooled everything down, including his joy of being here. Next day he sent her back to bangkok and the next day he went off with his friend to Ranong and yesterday he hit Phuket. At least his friend could have said "Thank you" for the room to my gf or myself, but I haven't heard a single word when they left. He has not changed his plans for december. He bought a TV for his thai gf and I suspect he planned to stay at my place with her in January and february. My gf cooled down and told me I should tell my son he is welcome to stay at my place with that brainless thai gf of him in january and february. I am pissed off just by the idea of having that idiot gf in my house. There is lot more to this than what I mentionned here and my son is very upset with my gf now, thinking all the opposition comes from my gf. That's wrong, I am equally pissed off by my son's ideas of me having a place for his friends to spent some free holidays. I don't want them in my house. He is welcome, but not his friends. Possible I am a bad father, but I don't want to loose the gf. She is smart enough to tell me "your son can not accept a NO", "there is no way you can explain something to him" and " I hope he will have an identical child one day, only then will he know...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 I'll start with a disclaimer, I have no kids. That said, I feel qualified to give advice First, lay down the rules, this is your home, and your GFs, your place, your rules! Simple as that. Next, you and GF are not there to take care of him and clean up. He has to help with chores, you do not run a serviced hotel! His GF if she stays, must also help. But paramount is this, RESPECT for others! This must be present in all he does. As for his friends, you have no obligation to them at all. If they are pissing you and GF off, then they must go. That simple. I would suggest you have a sit down with all of them, and lay out the rules. Perhapes give directions to the door and the bus depot as well. My guess is, they will either shape up, or more likely ship out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 Tell your son to buck up or piss off. If he is being inconsiderate then send him back to Bangkok. However, it is a little disturbing that your girlfriend would consider leaving you so easily though. It suggests that the strengh of the relationship is bnot that strong, of her commitment to it is not that great. Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khwaimaisabai Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 Stickman said:However, it is a little disturbing that your girlfriend would consider leaving you so easily though. It suggests that the strengh of the relationship is bnot that strong, of her commitment to it is not that great. Hi stick, I think you are taking that a little bit too seriously. I don't know the lady, of course, but women in general do have a tendency to fly off the handle when they get irritated. Difficult one for thalenoi. The right answer is to tell the whole bunch of them to piss off and not come back - but difficult to do with family. Khwai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 All I would allow in the house would be son and "fixed" gf, both introduced to the rules and no deviations from that. GF "leaving" you - I think she got angry with the unruly mob, dismayed that they were linked to you (and protected) and just decided what she said - did not want to share the same roof with them while you are away. Honestly, neither would I. To make it simpler, I would kick them all out and give son some money for a bungallow near the beach. It's not the square footage that allows you to have multiple guests, it's the shell of your everyday's life that may accept others being around or treat their presence/behavior as an intrusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 Hi, "However, it is a little disturbing that your girlfriend would consider leaving you so easily though. It suggests that the strengh of the relationship is bnot that strong, of her commitment to it is not that great." Don't tell me you actually think she meant this? I have noticed that Thai women then to exagarate a triffle at times Anyway, Thalenoi, I agree with the concensus here, have a good talk with your son. Your house, your rules! Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rovineye Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 The son needs some serious talkin to. Not laying down of ri\ules. He is an adult and if he can't figure out for himself what is appropiate behavior he should stay some where else until he can. Just because he is on a youngens holidays doesn't mean everyone in the house (an neighborhood) is also. Like those above, I don't believe she really would have left. They like a little drama now and again and play a mean hand of emotional poker. It is no ones fault but the sons. He is responsible for his guests, and should not show up with them unless cleared with you first. And he alone should supervise them. A lack of gratitude alone is sufficient enough reason to send the entire lot packing (not the GF tho!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 You haven't indicated what sort of relationship you generally have with your son, so it's hard to contextualize this -- if you normally have a nice, tight relationship with him, vs. a more distant or strained one makes a huge difference. If the behavior you describe is part of a general pattern of behavior you have experienced from him, then I agree wholeheartedly that a stronger line is warranted. If on the other hand, you usually have a warm relationship with him and this sort of behavior from him is abnormal, then perhaps it's the Thai GF in tow that's leading him astray and how you deal with the situation would be different. What was the interaction between the Thai GF in tow and your GF? If the Thai GF in tow was around the same age but was dissin' your lady, that could certainly be behind a lot of her response, even though she was making noises about it being about your son. Dunno . If the Thai GF in tow has demonstrated that she's the type to come into someone else's home and misbehave, then you already know what type of person she is. In this case, "explaining the rules" is likely to be meaningful only to your son (and the friend) -- which may or may not help, depending on your answers to the first paragraph above. One more thing: In general these TGs think nothing about imposing their families and their ways on us. Interesting to hear about how one is all pissed off when heaven forbid our families or ways put them out a little... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 one more reason not to have kids. or sell 'em before they can do much damage. :: but yeah, i would be very pissed off if such an invasion into my privacy would happen. i hate strangers in my house, especially when they are nuts. your son should maybe rent his own place. don't allow him to step all over your head. you don't wanna see your home in pieces when you come back from europe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted November 26, 2003 Report Share Posted November 26, 2003 Hi, "One more thing: In general these TGs think nothing about imposing their families and their ways on us. Interesting to hear about how one is all pissed off when heaven forbid our families or ways put them out a little..." I think you may be generalizing a bit too much here. My in-laws hardly ever show up, eventhough they know they are welcome. The main reason being, they don't want to be a burden to me. (They aren't btw, really polite and very helpful. If only they didn't like likay so much ..... ) Also, my parents are coming here in about 2 monhts for a months holiday. They will be staying at our house, and I think my wife is even more excited about them coming than I am Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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