I Never Thought It Could Happen To Me!!!

[AF16]

ChristianTroy said:

 

I still have the motto: "if it feels good - it is good"

 

What does that mean?

 

What I can read from your text is that you have a huge list of demands of this girl and if she does not fulfill them then she can bugger off. What you can offer is tools to change.

 

What about her, her feelings, her customs? Must her desires be the exact same as yours or she is not worth the time?

 

If you give her a way out of P that's fine, if you make her independant that's fine and good luck to you and the Ms You certainly is in your right to demand what you want out of your woman, but isn't it unrealistic to not consider her situation at all?

 

As I said before blowing off a sick buffaly might be to blow of the whole family if it's done in the wrong way. Family is importaint to many Thais and even if some use the family to get a few extra buck, the family is still importaint. Why wouldn't you take an interest in her, her situation and her family? Why is she the only one that should make changes?

 

You say you would dump every girl that did not make you feel good anymore. No need to work at the relationship? Could it be that you to have to give in order to recieve? Is the relationship a one way street of her making you feel good?

[Guest]

ChristianTroy said:

 

If that is going to change i will dump her, i would dump every girl from every country if i dont feel good anymore!

 

 

 

That and your other statements basically confirm my first impression.

It's about *YOU* - what *YOU* expect from her and the relationship. As little financial or emotional commitment from your side as possible. No wonder that nowadays many women here turn commercial, just trying to get their own - as you do.

You barely know that woman, her culture, her language - and you have already a plan set up for her. Because your cousin said that they have to be treated like children...

Funny, i wonder how long it will take until she'll tell the next guy what a control freak you are. :: , and strange, that you call yourself a "Buddhist".

[SiamIAm]

"But all things considered, even people who have bitten the dust once or twice, the covenant of P4P between girls and guys is pretty light-hearted stuff, day in and day out. pro implies a kind of heavy scene to deal with, trade pitfalls to keep us wearily on guard, like gems scams for example. Not so, IMO."

 

I agree wholeheartedly when it's put in the context of P4P alone. It can be and is fun and light-hearted as long as you don't become too emotionally attached (difficult I know). A relationship with these girls is an entirely different matter however. I think we can both agree that the pitfalls from blindly stumbling into a serious relationship with a BG can be rather step to say the least; especially if you’re new to the scene...I submit that you have to be “on guard” when it comes to emotional relationships with these girls regardless…At least I have to.

 

 

 

Good to hear from you,

 

Siam

[ChristianTroy]

AF16 said:

ChristianTroy said:

 

I still have the motto: "if it feels good - it is good"

 

What does that mean?

 

What I can read from your text is that you have a huge list of demands of this girl and if she does not fulfill them then she can bugger off. What you can offer is tools to change.

 

What about her, her feelings, her customs? Must her desires be the exact same as yours or she is not worth the time?

 

If you give her a way out of P that's fine, if you make her independant that's fine and good luck to you and the Ms You certainly is in your right to demand what you want out of your woman, but isn't it unrealistic to not consider her situation at all?

 

As I said before blowing off a sick buffaly might be to blow of the whole family if it's done in the wrong way. Family is importaint to many Thais and even if some use the family to get a few extra buck, the family is still importaint. Why wouldn't you take an interest in her, her situation and her family? Why is she the only one that should make changes?

 

False accusations that is!

 

The point is that i know what i want and i know what i don't want! If one of my buddies pisses me off too much i will not see him again. If my girlfriend makes me suffer from her actions i will dump her!

 

You handle that different? if yes, i would like to know why!

 

I am still not telling her what to do, i gave advices when she asked me. The whole point is that SHE is eager to change herself, i never told her to quit working at the bar. I was falling in love with the bar girl not with the "improved version" she is today!

 

Everyone here is trying to make it such a special thing that she is from thailand, but she is the only one that thanks me everyday for not treating her like a poor girl from the country side!

 

Right now she is my brandnew girlfriend, why in gods name would i make her believe that i will pay her dues if she or her family needs money???

 

How I am going to find out if she likes me for the money or because i am such a cute fella?

The only way to find out is to make her believe that there is no money!

 

If the relationship is closer and money is desperately needed i would give it to them unasked, otherwise i would be a jerk!

I simply don't want her to know that!

[ChristianTroy]

sourkraut said:

ChristianTroy said:

 

If that is going to change i will dump her, i would dump every girl from every country if i dont feel good anymore!

 

 

 

That and your other statements basically confirm my first impression.

It's about *YOU* - what *YOU* expect from her and the relationship. As little financial or emotional commitment from your side as possible. No wonder that nowadays many women here turn commercial, just trying to get their own - as you do.

You barely know that woman, her culture, her language - and you have already a plan set up for her. Because your cousin said that they have to be treated like children...

Funny, i wonder how long it will take until she'll tell the next guy what a control freak you are. :: , and strange, that you call yourself a "Buddhist".

 

actually i believe you are a scam poster that posts here with an alter ego!

 

Your accusations couldn't be more wrong, you sound bitter and try to insult me in subtext! It is not working dude!

 

Bashing someone over their religion because you don't agree with him is low! I am sorry that you don't have better things to do with your time!

 

What do you know what i know about thai culture and their language, maybe i speak perfect thai or maybe i have roots in thailand, how will you know?? Maybe i have asian eyes, and maybe one of my parents is thai!!!

 

You simply don't know!

[AF16]

 

False accusations that is!

 

I?m sorry if that is the case.

 

The point is that i know what i want and i know what i don't want! If one of my buddies pisses me off too much i will not see him again. If my girlfriend makes me suffer from her actions i will dump her!

 

No margin of error? No compromise? No regard to circumstances? One small mistake and that?s it? I have close friends that can screw up bigtime and I let it slide, for a while at least.

 

You handle that different? if yes, i would like to know why!

 

Can not say as we do not have a concrete situation make a casus from. What I do know is that my wife _ will _ hurt me from time to time, we will argue, we will make mistakes. Some mistake can be fatal, some will be minor, and some serious that we can work our way through. Why? No one is without fault. No one can live a perfect life. If I demand nothing short of perfection I will live a miserable life without a life partner or friends.

 

I am still not telling her what to do, i gave advices when she asked me. The whole point is that SHE is eager to change herself, i never told her to quit working at the bar. I was falling in love with the bar girl not with the "improved version" she is today!

 

That is great if that is the case and I?m willing to take your word for it. It does not really affect my argument.

 

 

Everyone here is trying to make it such a special thing that she is from thailand, but she is the only one that thanks me everyday for not treating her like a poor girl from the country side!

 

I don?t think that is the case and I know that is not the case for me. There however is cultural differences and socioeconomic factors to take into consideration.

 

Right now she is my brandnew girlfriend, why in gods name would i make her believe that i will pay her dues if she or her family needs money???

 

What you could consider is to show that family is important to you. That does not mean that you have to pay every demand that comes your way, but to flat out dismiss any consideration of her family might make you a ?punter? rather than a bf rather quick. Paying everything might make you a ?punter? rather than a bf rather quick. The thing is that a relationship at best is a complex deal and when it comes to prostitution, poverty and cultural differences there are additional factors in the mix. For me a relationship is to address each others concerns in some form.

 

How I am going to find out if she likes me for the money or because i am such a cute fella?

The only way to find out is to make her believe that there is no money!

 

No it is not. You might have to take a leap of faith on some issues while staying alert, but there is no quick fix. Also if you flat out refuse to help out her family in any situation you might kill the possibility of a real relationship rather fast. What if your mother went broke, the IRS took her house, her pension plan fell out the window, and your wife refused to use your combined money to help her out? Not her problem, and probably you were just in it to get her money you sly excuse for a punter? This is an attitude that is not well taken. Just because they are BG they do not like to be treated badly.

 

There clearly is a line to be drawn, and in many cases the ?help family? is just a scam story, but if your girl is for real and she really does care for and have a responsibility for her family, I think in some form you need to recognize it. Perhaps not with money, but in how you look at things.

 

I remember the first week I stayed with my to be wife and her family on my vacation. They where folding thousands of prayerletters and putting them in envelopes. I offered to help and spent one and a half days of my vacation working with them. I did not have any ulterior motives in this, but I saw the glances my now wife and her mother sent each other. They clearly appreciated that I as a ?rich (and I?m not)? farang helped the family out. It were not the money, not the work, it were a signal of where the family entered into my life.

 

 

If the relationship is closer and money is desperately needed i would give it to them unasked, otherwise i would be a jerk!

I simply don't want her to know that!

 

You don?t want her to know your heart before she commit to you? I?m sure many have done the same and lived happily ever after and it might work for you. I?m sure many have done the opposite and regretted it. Can you however see my point that caring about family in a country where family is all you got, no social security, no government, could be viewed as important, even crucial factor in a husband?

 

I just think you are to clear cut in your stated views, but am sure that behave differently in real life.

[ChristianTroy]

AF16

 

i think we are not so far apart in the ways we think, maybe that's a language barrier on my side that i can't explain it better!

 

when it comes to the money thing I am not talking harsh or anything like that to her. She understands pretty well what i mean. Besides that her english is very decent, which means she can talk in full sentences, since ever she is interested in different cultures which she eagerly wants to adapt!

She thinks it is cool to work for her own money, she wants to do her own money! She said she doesn't respect the german guy because he was sending her money after seeing her for only 4 days. "She said, how can he like me so much after 4 days? I don't even know his last name, she also said, if falang sends me money after 4 days he cannot get lady at home!" Haha i think terms like that make me like her so much, because she speaks from my heart To hear things like that surprise me a lot, because this is not what i heard from other Bar Girls!

 

You said stay on alert:

well, i hear her saying she wants to work for herself

i openend her a door and she decided to walk through it, she realized that she can make money, i want to believe she will keep on doing this!

 

She said the guys is stupid because he sends her money for nothing, I don't want to do the same mistake!

 

And by all due respect for her family which I haven't met yet, this realtionship is still too fresh for a family gesture. I have an asian family background myself (motherwise) and this is not new to me! It is not only how big your gesture is it is also about the moment you make the gesture.

 

We are not there yet!

 

She just learned that she can take my word, everything i have promised came true. Yes i told her don't ask me for money, but I also told her I am always there for her when she needs me!

As i said, her english is decent enough to understand me and she seems to have no problem with it! She also knows that I am not cheap. She understands that i won't pay for her special wishes just like that, on special occasions i will bring her a gift like every other caring husband/boyfriend does. But she understands and WANTS to take care of herself and this the whole point!

 

I am sure thousands of girls are happy with a 'stupid' falang that send them money that feeds the family! She said her family is doing great... "we are not poor, we have big farm!" I saw pictures of the house and it looks good!

She wants me to support her with advices but she doesn't want my money, at least that's what she makes me believe!

I don't know why.. but i asked her if i can send her 50k baht (very weak moment of mine ) that she can buy clothes for her daughter. She said, "not thanx i have enough money and on monday I get my money from the internet company!"

 

Maybe it is still all good acting and she is an awesome pretender, but hey if someone fools me so nicely she deserves a piece of the pie! (I will see it different then )

[ChristianTroy]

AF16 said:

No margin of error? No compromise? No regard to circumstances? One small mistake and that?s it? I have close friends that can screw up bigtime and I let it slide, for a while at least.

 

I am not made from stone! everyone makes mistakes, that's human!

I am talking about the essential things. Everybody needs to know for hisself how he feels about his partner! Where is the relationship going? Is it going into the right direction, is it going into the wrong direction? Is it standing still? Nobody can predict that, and i have learned that sometimes you can do everything, you can do loads of compromises, you can be nice and sweet and it still doesn't work if the REAL LOVE is not existant or not existant anymore!

 

When you break a vase you can glue it back together but when you look close enough you will always see it was broken before!

[AF16]

 

AF16

 

i think we are not so far apart in the ways we think, maybe that's a language barrier on my side that i can't explain it better!

 

Gracious answer I know my English leaves much to be desired and it would not be the first time I use 10 posts before finding out we all agree after all I guess that is the case here.

 

 

And by all due respect for her family which I haven't met yet, this realtionship is still too fresh for a family gesture. I have an asian family background myself (motherwise) and this is not new to me! It is not only how big your gesture is it is also about the moment you make the gesture.

 

We are not there yet!

 

Seems like you are more in the know than I am. I?m slowly trying to learn by trial and error. Just trying to interpret reactions is a challenge.

 

She just learned that she can take my word, everything i have promised came true.

 

I think this were the most important challenge we had to overcome before hitching up. Neither of us were very trustful, neither of us had any reason to really. She now knows that she can trust me and that trust did not come by easy. I guess when you first have established that trust the other issue about values comes as a natural consequence.

 

 

Maybe it is still all good acting and she is an awesome pretender, but hey if someone fools me so nicely she deserves a piece of the pie! (I will see it different then )

 

Who knows I know the first T-girl I was with, I guess I called her a girlfriend to my friends and she called me air head to hers, made me make intelligent comments like ?I know she is for real because she is honest about lying?. She to made comments about ?fat Germans?, except her ?johns? were not German, and since I thought I was on the ?inside? I had to be special. He he ? I were clueless really, not special at all.

 

In the end though the whole deal cost me about 50$ in money and a shitload of emotions.

[pattaya127]

as long as you don't become too emotionally attached (difficult I know).

-----------------------------

even so. IMO, out of the 100 000s who have been smitten, over decades, probably only a few 1000s have LOSt their smile (and emptied their bank account) for the count, and damned the day they ever came to LOS.

Someone who can believe he can love and be loved within a few weeks, better look at himself in the mirror. This has absolutely nothing to do with being set-up or off-guard. It's a personal short-coming. I despise a girl who leeches on a poor fellow, but I can't blame her. Many thais will easily tell you what you want to hear. Don't listen or enjoy the ride, and some guys love their pain. It's as attaching as the girl you are with. I know!