Upper hand in relationships with ex-BGs

[Chlp]

Quite a few of my friends have BG or ex-BG GFs and one thing that I consistently see in most of these relationships is that the BGs very quickly gain upper hand and effectively control the farang.

 

Some of the things that seem to be par for the course are:

 

- The girl will go through the farang's phone and check and question the phone numbers

 

- The girl will demand accounting for money spent (with the implication that farang might've spent money on another girl)

 

- At the hotel, the girl will go through garbage looking for evidence (condom wrappers, soap wrappers, etc.)

 

- The girl will successfully stop farang from spending (his own) money on things that he wants (e.g. stereo, computer, etc.)

 

Frankly, I don't get it. The farang is effectively supporting the girl, so if there should be imbalance in the relationship, it should be in his favor. Yet, in so many cases, it seems to work the other way.

 

The way I look at it, even in a financially balanced relationship, I wouldn't tolerate a girl who goes through my phone or my money. And I certainly would not accept any of these controling behaviors from a girl that gets a financial benefit from me. Add to it the fact that there are always thousands of younger and less arrogant models eager to replace the bitchy model ... I just don't get it.

[The_Munchmaster]

Obviously your friends have no will-power.

[pattaya127]

I don't get it

--------------------

Most guys want someone in their life. there are a lot of lonely souls going there, and the trick is not letting her know you need her more than she needs you (if she does ned you).

 

 

Frankly, I admit I played my part bad for a year, and there was only one way to stop all the nonsense, say NO, enough, finished, finita, nada, bye! ::

 

I am also lucky that i like to be on my own as well, never feel lonesome, so what I broke up from was a mere RS setting. Who knows, I may get back into it, absolutely no idea, but yes, it will be on my terms. Ever since i did that clean slate, I must say the Stones song "under my thumb" sometimes pops in my head.... ::

[..]

They are simply put disfunctional human beings -- the guys, not the gals. They have no idea how to have a relationship.

 

One only gets pushed as far as they let themselves get pushed. You do not have to fight, but, as with a small child, both parties need to understand the boundries. I am not comparing BGs to children, but an early relationship is like a child in that it needs nurturing to grow healthily.

 

No one should have the "upper hand" in an adult relationship. A relationship is about equality and support for each other, and most importantly acceptance of each other's faluts. It is how I have been married for nearly 20 years, starting in my early 20s.

 

Cheers,

Dr. Phil...errr, SD

[jasmine]

Hi,

I have seen this happenning to many the so called "farangs" too, not in Thailand, but here in USA.

 

What I don't understand is that why go through his wallet, I will have a very big issue if Hubby goes to my purse.

 

There is something called "respect" that some Thai women never seem to have with their "farang" husbands or BFs. I can tell you that these women will not get away with Thai men but somehow because of these Western men are more gentlemen or what, they seem to be walked all over. ::

 

Having said that, let me tell you that the attitude of it is my money, I will do whatever I want is wrong. A marriage is a partnership. Let's say that the females do not work outside the home, she DOES work inside the house doesn't she? No one will tell me that housewives don't work! ::

 

Partnership means consulting with each other on money , finance. There is a US survey that says a couple with financial problem disagreements break up. I retired early at the age of 53 and I will not withdraw my retirement for many more years, if Hubby says "This is my money, I will do whatever I want", What do you think is going to happen to my marriage? Perhpas I am lucky that we have respect for each other?

 

Need I remind you gentlemen that just because you dig these women out from whatever bars, they are humen? If you feel good enough to honor her as a partner in life she does deserve respect, of course she needs to work on respecting you too, and many of them must learn to respect their "farangs",IMO.

 

Jasmine

[shygye]

[color:"green"] Let's say that the females do not work outside the home, she DOES work inside the house doesn't she? No one will tell me that housewives don't work! [/color]

 

The maid does the housework, cooking, and laundry.

[AF16]

I really do not know, or give a fuck, if my wife goes through my phone or wallet. Have nothing to hide. What does that have to do with the upper hand?

[gummigut]

suadum said:No one should have the "upper hand" in an adult relationship. A relationship is about equality and support for each other, and most importantly acceptance of each other's faluts. It is how I have been married for nearly 20 years, starting in my early 20s.

 

Most relationships are not 50/50. I don't think they have to be. If both parties get what they want out of the relationship and contribute their share to making it work, then that's good enough for me.

 

<<burp>>

[..]

Depends upon how you look at equality. I do not mean financially. I mean that there is a certain amount of work that needs to be done to maintain the family unit. Sharing that work or sacrifice no matter what it is is to what I refer. It also includes a certain amount of respect of privacy, trust and the picking of your battles.

 

A good example building upon Jasmine comments is the joking discussion my friend and his wife (both farang, she now a stay at home mom) in Japan. She told him (after a discussion about housework) "boy, your world would sure change if I decided not to work around the house". He responded "well, your world would sure change if I decided not to go work!" Touche.

 

It is human nature at its rawest to want everything, like a four year old does. And if someone is going to let you have it, you take it -- we all do. But adults all know that this is unreasonable and will easily accept limits, be they societal, moral, legal, whatever, even though they push them all the time. If one party in a relationship does not enforce the limits, then it is their fault.

 

JMHO.

 

Cheers,

SD

[Old Hippie]

The woman should stay home, with her mouth shut, no debate about it! SAy what you want about those Muslims/Talaban guys, but they knew how to keep their women in line!