Mekong Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 as the thai's say...........i like.... Reminds me of this old chestnut, apologies if it has been posted before. At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, ‘I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?’ ‘Good question,’ noted the Rabbi. ‘We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.’ ‘Oh,’ replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: ‘What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?’ ‘Ah, yes,’ replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. ‘We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.’ ‘I see,’ replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. ‘Well, Rabbi,’ he went on, ‘what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?’ ‘Here, too, we do not waste,’ answered the Rabbi. ‘What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.’ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayjann Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Reminds me of this old chestnut, apologies if it has been posted before. At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, ‘I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?’ ‘Good question,’ noted the Rabbi. ‘We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.’ ‘Oh,’ replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: ‘What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?’ ‘Ah, yes,’ replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. ‘We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.’ ‘I see,’ replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. ‘Well, Rabbi,’ he went on, ‘what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?’ ‘Here, too, we do not waste,’ answered the Rabbi. ‘What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.’ once again i like it..... will have to tell that joke within earshot of a jewish fella who i know and is the original dick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamui Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 Visual Joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 When I was a kid, my parents were driving down the freeway one day when an MG passed us with a great dane sitting on the left side (US steering side). It was a UK model with right hand drive and the guy was having fun freaking out everyone he passed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 When I was a kid, my parents were driving down the freeway one day when an MG passed us with a great dane sitting on the left side (US steering side). It was a UK model with right hand drive and the guy was having fun freaking out everyone he passed. Hey Flash, this is a jokes thread, not a thread about the good ole days in the good ole US of A. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment made by Sir Winston Churchill. After his retirement, he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner. Some Italian journalists asked why an ex British Prime Minister should choose an Italian ship. “There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship†said Churchill. “First their cuisine is unsurpassed." " Second their service is superb"...... "And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children firstâ€. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hey Flash, this is a jokes thread, not a thread about the good ole days in the good ole US of A. Go back to the Scottish thread where you belong, you hill tribesman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment made by Sir Winston Churchill. After his retirement, he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner. Some Italian journalists asked why an ex British Prime Minister should choose an Italian ship. “There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship†said Churchill. “First their cuisine is unsurpassed." " Second their service is superb"...... "And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children firstâ€. George Michael has sympathised with the captain of the stricken Italian liner Costa Concordia. He said 'I'm often left abandoned and lying on my side with a badly damaged bottom after a nights cruising. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 My new Girlfriend says I have to wait 6 months before she'll give me a BJ. Of course, I told her that I understand, I can wait and that I'll call her again closer to the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 An Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store some of his blood type in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and thousands of dollars. A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. So his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a jar of candies. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds and money...but you only gave me a thank-you card and a jar of candies". To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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