Jump to content

Any New Jokes


Recommended Posts

Five Horses Is Her Name


A merchant noticed an American Indian sitting for a long time outside of his shop. He finally asked him what he was doing.


"Wait for Five Horses," said the Indian.


The merchant asked who Five Horses was.


"She my wife."


Curious, he asked why she was called that.


The Indian shrugged and explained, "Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.


When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.


Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.


Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.


The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'


And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.


Not a lot of people know this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

New Aussie Pickup Line...


A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman is standing beside him so he leans over and says...


"You remind me of my little toe"


She replies, "What?... You Mean I'm small and cute?"


He says "No, I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Two priests at a Bucking Bronco contest.


The first priest hardly lasts 30 seconds.


But the second priest lasts well over 2 minutes and walks away with the prize money.


The first priest says "I don't know how you do it..


"The second replies "One of my choirboys is Epileptic"...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have three possible donors. The first donor is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second donor is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. And, the third donor is an

attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years.


Which do you want?"


"I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient.


After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the lawyer's heart.


"It was easy," explained the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Create New...