Any New Jokes

[canadalad]

Olympic Condoms

 

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

 

"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"

 

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

 

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

 

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

 

The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

[canadalad]

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs,".....

what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

[canadalad]

A long distance truck driver is on the road for weeks,so he pulls into a brothel throws a grand on the counter and says to the madam ;I want the ugliest,most frigid woman ,a cold bacon sandwich and a cup of weak cold tea..The madam replys; Sir for a grand you can have the most beautiful women in our establishment , our most expensive champage and filet mignon.The trucker says, I'm not horny, I'm just home sick.......

[canadalad]

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a Baptist preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk stumbles into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

 

 

"Yes I am" replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

 

 

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't." The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

 

 

The drunk again answers, "No, I have not found Jesus."

 

By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

 

 

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

 

 

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,

 

 

 

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

[The_Munchmaster]

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs,".....

what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

The "Tans"?

 

[The_Munchmaster]

Canadalad is coming up with some pretty good jokes. Almost as good as mine.

[canadalad]

M.M.

From the jokes you have posted since I first found this site,I still have a ways to go,but I appreciate the comment :thumbup:

[canadalad]

The Toronto Maple Leaf Videa Video

 

Passing by a video shop one day, a Toronto Maple Leaf supporter's attention is caught by a poster in the window with the following advertisement:

 

For Sale: Toronto Maple Leaf Video : The Glory Season, Price $200.

The fan goes into the shop and talks to the man behind the counter.

 

'I might be interested in a copy of this Maple Leaf video,' he says, 'But it's an awful price. How come it's so dear?'

 

The shop assistant shrugs and explains,

 

'Well it's ten dollars for the videotape, and $190 for a Betamax player

Edited November 19, 2007 by Guest

[The_Munchmaster]

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

 

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

 

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

 

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, being naughty and winking at them.

 

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

 

 

[teddy]

Paddy shows his blonde girlfriend the L and R labels in his wellies, explaining they mean Left and Right - "Oh!" she says, "now I understand the C&A label in me knickers"