Help me break up with my long time Thai gf

[ow]

Hello everyone- My name is ow and I am an alcoholic. Bet you never heard that one before. Im not an alcoholic. Really.

 

Anyway my girlfriend is Thai chinese, been with her for 4 years now and lived as a married couple in effect for most of that time although the last few months Ive been abroad and she has been finishing her masters in the UK.

 

She's the perfect girl in many ways. Virgin when I met her, so she fell for me hard after I was her "first". I have loved her to bits. She has her own money and comes from a wealthy family who have sent her to my country to be educated. She does well at the whole learning thing and has got great qualifications. When we live together she does all the cooking, washing, cleaning and is adventurous in bed and is a good listener and gives fairly good advice on matters of emotion and the heart. She bends over backwards to fit my style of living and make me happy, even though I am the passionate disorganised type and she is the organised, planning type who prefers things to be steady and predictable. She doesnt drink more than one or two drinks in a night out, she doesnt smoke and she doesnt have a bad word to say about *anyone*. Everyone who meets her instantly likes her and many of my own friends still hail her as the "nicest person I have ever met".

 

But, after four years I am bored, irritated and annoyed by her. Where I once found her beautiful and cute and sexy, I now find her a little ugly, odd-featured and don't really want to have sex with her. But physically she has not changed at all (weighs the same, looks the same, has the same fashion habits etc). When she calls, I am annoyed and although I dont show it, I normally try to think of some way to end the call to get back to whatever I was doing. I am bored listening to her even though she just tries to find something to talk about and doesnt force girly nonsense down my ears because she knows I dont want to hear it. So she is doing nothing wrong but I can't stand a 15 minute phone call.

 

I went abroad for a few months and she couldnt come, so she asked me to stay in regular touch (reasonable request!). I called once a week sometimes less. After two months she got upset on the phone asking why it was that I couldnt just call her more regularly because she misses me so much and loves me and hates feeling like I dont care about her. Do I still love her? Yes, I replied. But I dont think I do. But I dont know why, can it really just be boredom?

 

So now she is about to embark on a successful career as a financial banker and I am also in my own career as I have been for a couple of years. It seems like, if I cannot provide her with a committment, that now is the right time to end things. She is going to meet loads of people and guys in her new job and hopefully someone who is half way as nice as her. I'm nice but obviously have some mental malfunction (maybe undiagnosed ADD or ADHD??) and am no good for her and do not seem to want to spend any more time with her despite her being the perfect partner for most guys.

 

So how do I end it, if that's really what I am going to do? I thought about the Thai way of slowly cutting off contact, but Ive been doing that almost by accident anyway and it hasnt changed anything she is naive and eternally optimistic and obviously 100% in love.

 

I thought about doing it face to face but she will lose face with her friends if I go to see her (a long trip upcountry) and then suddenly leave again the next day.

 

So I thought about over the phone but she is going to be upset and I dont know how she will take it. I am a large part of how she identifies herself and her first boyfriend who has been with her for four years.

 

Arg.. my priority is to minimise the hurt I am going to cause her. Please give me some advice.

 

 

[The_Munchmaster]

....So I thought about over the phone but she is going to be upset and I dont know how she will take it. I am a large part of how she identifies herself and her first boyfriend who has been with her for four years.

All I can say is don't do it over the phone, she deserves better than that after 4 years.

 

[Flashermac]

My troll alert is flashing.

 

 

[cardinalblue]

ADHD primarily affects children....

 

CB

[Torneyboy]

Only one way ..face to face ..good luck

[CTO]

ADD ADHD, He's the one to be sad for, I really feel for you, you poor sad man, it's ok, you can have fun and leave her too, really you can, it's all her fault for being boring and beautiful and great in bed. When you leave the next one in 5 years time, and then again 5 years on, maybe ask yourself.

 

Is it them, or is it me?

[teddy]

ADHD primarily affects children....

 

CB

 

And trolls too apparently

 

[ow]

Jesus.. no I am not a troll. Im new and have a genuine problem ergo I am a troll? Im come across that kind of thinking before...the whole add thing was meant to be a joke as in why the hell am I bored but if no one can appreciate my honesty then so be it.

 

Thanks to the genuine responses.. all two of them

[mainsail]

You really do need to examine yourself here. Perhaps some counseling would be a good idea for yourself. You have the perfect woman that most men search their whole life for. It is normal for the cycle of love to change, especially after 4 years. It is also normal for you to have feelings of wanderlust. But you have to weigh that against what you have and will probably never find again.

 

There is no way to minimize the pain for her. She will be devastated and this will affect her for the rest of her life. In my experience there are no women in the world who love like a Thai woman. When they give themselves to you it is completely.

[Faustian]

CTO, on the money, she sounds perfect...most people would die for such a partner...really ow, grow up, get a backbone and some maturity...read a book on relationships...you are the problem.

 

Go and think about why it is you are unable to commit (therapy is good), count your blessings and then hope she can forgive you for being such a lame boyfriend.