ow Posted September 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2007 No mate right off the mark, it will take her 5 years to make what I am making this year. But I appreciate the advice. But it's odd, dont you think, that after several months not seeing her I am not all that keen to go and visit her? And if I do I am sure I will be irritated by her within 24 hours and wanting to get out of there. For whatever reason. If I was in love I would be doing anything to get up to see her. But I am not. And if I am feeling like this after 4 years how the hell can I spend the rest of my life with her? Right? or wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckwoww Posted September 27, 2007 Report Share Posted September 27, 2007 I notice a lot of guys are telling you to stick with her. I suspect it's more complicated than that. She doesn't turn your crank anymore and you can't fake it. It's not so unusual. But you really should find a way to level with her. She's going to be hurt however you do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted September 27, 2007 Report Share Posted September 27, 2007 ow, i'm a psychoanalyst. Therefore i present both sides of an argument as i'm able to do so, something few can do. I understand your views and have offered you advice on those, i have also offered you the alternative viewpoints, based on hers and further insights from a 3rd person perspective. I think you need to consider all. I also happen to know what makes people 'tick', although i avoid going too far into it here...it causes offence, unwittingly on my part, but it always happens. Try reading between the lines. I've tried to be as direct as i dare here. There's some things you need to address. I suspect you wont and a similar situation like this will arise again at some point, if it hasn't already, your just unaware of it. You are a highly egocentric individual. It's not a good place to be. Here's a definition for you... â??adjective 1. having or regarding the self or the individual as the center of all things: an egocentric philosophy that ignores social causes. 2. having little or no regard for interests, beliefs, or attitudes other than one's own; self-centered: an egocentric person; egocentric demands upon the time and patience of others. â??Synonyms 2. self-absorbed, self-obsessed. â??Antonyms 2. altruistic, unselfish. Holding the view that the ego is the center, object, and norm of all experience. Confined in attitude or interest to one's own needs or affairs. Caring only about oneself; selfish. Viewed or perceived from one's own mind as a center. Taking one's own self as the starting point in a philosophical system. Philosophy Viewed or perceived from one's own mind as a center. Taking one's own self as the starting point in a philosophical system. I don't know you, but then i don't need to. That's the beauty of 'knowing shit'. I'm absolutely sure you will ignore everything i've written about....see the above definition as to why. Good luck. P.S. a word of advice, don't post about personal issues expecting a sympathetic or even empathic response, if what you post about engenders neither in others who don't share your worldview. You claim your GF is perfect, but not for you. Such an oxymoronic standpoint creates antipathy in me. She was good enough once...now you've changed...eerrr ok...! I'm not being a wanker...hell, i've spent a lot of time writing this drivel. Please could you at least demonstrate a modicum of respect for those that make the effort to try and get you to stop and think...before you do that which cannot be undone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted September 28, 2007 Report Share Posted September 28, 2007 Nice cut and paste job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted September 28, 2007 Report Share Posted September 28, 2007 Of course, do you really think i'm going to write out a definition myself? Online dictionaries...a godsend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
junglesoup Posted September 28, 2007 Report Share Posted September 28, 2007 I think that selfish actions have caused progress and evolution in the world. I mean, in some ways I think selfishness is good thing. Its what evolution calls survival of the fitess. I m not advocating being selfish...all I m saying is that if you dont do whats right for yourself, then what good are you going to be for anyone else. So lets say Ow stays with this girl and is unhappy...he will then be spreading his doom and gloom to the rest of us. Is that healthy? People fall out of love, or maybe it just wasnt true love. However, thats the way he is feeling. Staying with someone just so you dont break their heart is more weak than staying with them. The future is open. Who says that this girl wont go on to meet someone she loves more deeply and who is better suited for her? Instead Faustian you choose to give attention only to the negatives. But do the positive outcomes not at least deserve the same attention? I understand the poster not wanting to live a lie. I m probably quite selfish, but I dont try to harm anyone else. But the way I look at it is ,when I m completely happy within myself, and have achieved what I want to achieve, then I ll be better person for everyone around me. Dont get me wrong, I m good to the people around me, but I ll not say yes just to please people, if its not in my best interests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spirit_of_town_hall Posted September 28, 2007 Report Share Posted September 28, 2007 If you would kill to be with your girl friend why not rob a bank. Its far less serious and if you pulled it off you could live with her and live off the proceeds. If you want to live with you girl that much it may be worth it. STH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted September 28, 2007 Report Share Posted September 28, 2007 JS, agree mostly, however i think if you want a successful relationship with anyone you need to demonstrate an ability to be unselfish. Selfish is easy...and actually a rather immature state. It's often said a successful relationship is work. I think that's very true. You do have to realise that an ability to give and receive is needed or all relationships are ultimately doomed. Sacrifice at times is also necessary. A most selfless act. The OP initially went on about how wonderful this lady is...and she was good enough for 4 years!!!! I've never lasted 4 years yet...so there must've been something pretty damn good to keep things going that long. My guess is he's caught sight of other 'skirt' and the minds wandered to pastures new. Sure, he should probably leave her as he's not good enough for her, but it seems odd she 'loves' him so much, whilst he's so distant. Does this mean he's been stringing her along? Lying through his teeth? How can she be so blinded? This part doesn't make a lot of sense to me.....Most people with even a limited understanding can tell when things are amiss...and if the OP is to be believed 'his' lady is a relative high flyer. Very odd. Anyway, i like to play devils advocate...but i also feel the OP has missed some important details... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mainsail Posted September 28, 2007 Report Share Posted September 28, 2007 snip- but it seems odd she 'loves' him so much, whilst he's so distant.. I disagree with this Faustian. In my experience and also observing my mates that somewhere down the line after a relationship matures a bit if the guy becomes indifferent or bored or distant the woman usually turns up the attention and love in an attempt to bring him back to where he was before. Rather than seeing the obvious that he is getting ready to exit the woman usually tries to save the relationship (I think subconsciously) and increases her attention to the man. It is an interesting dynamic. You can see it early in a relationship too, if you are overly attentive to the woman then she will often back off. But if you play a bit hard to get then she thinks she may lose you and moves in closer. We always want what we cannot have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
junglesoup Posted September 28, 2007 Report Share Posted September 28, 2007 Thats true. I think detachment brings your desires. Whatever you truly crave, in the end you end up losing. My problem in relationships has been sustaining emotions. Its something I m working on. I fall in love, but sometimes I find it hard to sustain these emotions. Any advice anyone on staying in for the long haul...? I think thats what the OP is suffering from. He knows she is a great girl, when he looks at it objectively, but subjectively he has lost his passion for her, his ambers are only smouldering now. I have an intuition that when you get this in a relationship maybe its good to do something new together, to try and rekindle the love that was once there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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