ozpharlap Posted January 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 Dear Bust, yes and no, in Oz burnt can just mean shat on unexpectedly. The reason I ask is for a friend trying to work something out in his own mind. He lives in Brisbane and we regularly eat together at the Bow Thai restaurant. And it is not me. He is a falang and she is Thai, both married but both claiming a loveless marriage (physically and emotionally), both married for about 7 years and no children (as no sex to produce any spawn). Each wanted the other to ditch their respective partners first before a living commitment, she would not unless he did so first (as we know this can be difficult due to economic pressures etc ... and also, she still wanted to do the right thing by the husband in the future â?? work beside him). Together, they knew each other longer than each of their respective partners and were to hook up before the others had partners but circumstances prevented that (it can be difficult to relocate and just to do what you want sometimes, early stages of courting being the main reason). He supported her each month, paying her 20,000 baht and extras for medical or emergencies. Out of the blue she said enough is enough (which was fair in my mind) and said their relationship is over. He than, about 1 or 2 months later realize he lost the love of his life and left his wife (he has no regrets in that decision as they werenâ??t in love, just comfortable with each other). But then the TG also ditched her husband at about the same time thus reducing any impediments but did not tell him. He found out, queried it and she said, she just wanted to start a fresh. I see he got burnt as he would travel there about 2/3 times a year but for the last 8 months after his last trip she took the money (and yes, why not). He paid for nice trips for her when there as well. He also got burnt on an emotional scale as well. I said it is just a generational thing, he is 47 and she is 35. The modern world allows such things and even TGâ??s are starting to realize that the love of a man is not a necessary thing. They would prefer their own house and casual dating than love. Maybe, he was never good enough after she did not need him anymore but was only ever good to get out of it. His mistake was to supplement her for a few years to allow her the means to get out, get her own pad etc â?¦ I thought examples of others instances in a Thai context can make him realize that Thai logic is a casualty in any sane argument. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozpharlap Posted January 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 Good point Flash, in the west we see a sexual commitment as being a bond in a relationship and we elevate that role very high in the equation. I sometimes think that TG see it as a task, pleasurable or not that is involved in being look after and that is it, no kid mak about it at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted January 24, 2008 Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 Ripped off .or ..she took the money and ran off into the sunset.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted January 24, 2008 Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 He supported her each month, paying her 20,000 baht and extras for medical or emergencies. Out of the blue she said enough is enough (which was fair in my mind) and said their relationship is over. Call me a cynic but did it ever occur to him she had a better offer... And while he was away and sending her money every month what was she doing. Perhaps she was doing to him exactly what she was doing to her husband with your friend. Sounds all very calculated to me. Hope your mate is OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozpharlap Posted January 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 Good point, maybe leopards don't change spots as they say. He is as you would expect, "yeah mate, all is fine" but in reality, cut like a salmon in a sushi shop. He is convinced that she was not betraying him, I have met her and I actually tend to agree but, who ever knows. Maybe she did not ever really love him but he was a better bet (love and financial security) than the other. He broke a golden rule though, never put them (TG) in a position where they can leave financially on their own two feet - as this is the major burn that western women lean on to leave their men (grab the family home and use the kids as a leverage tool) when they feel like a "sex in the city" rebirth in their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted January 24, 2008 Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 "...Do GTG burn their men? ..." Well if they do, then they obviously are NOT GTGs right? After all "good girls" (people) don't go around burning people. Exactly .. :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted January 24, 2008 Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 He broke a golden rule though, never put them (TG) in a position where they can leave financially on their own two feet The golden rule he broke was being sucked in by a TG who reqiured sponsorship in the first place rather than set his sights higher for one who was already financialy indipendent. After I split up from my ex-BG wife, who was not different as much as I fooled myself she was at the time, about 9 years ago I made a promise to myself only to get involved with Thai women who had their own car and property. I dated a few who met that requirement in the interim, the last one I first met over 5 years ago and we are now happily married. I know happy and married with a Thai may appear a strange concept to some board members, but it does happen. You would be surprised out how many single indipendent Thai Ladies (30-40 so I won't call them girls) there are. Within that age range about 75% of the women I work with have their own car, house with mortgage, on at least 60K / month and single, not my own figures but told to me by such a woman, one of my contracts administrators who accompanies me on many overseas trips. IMHO, there are many hidden layers, much too deep to go into when I am meeting my buddies for a beer in 5 minutes. But you probably have just as much chance of being "burned" by a low paid alledged GTG, or one stuck in a dead end marriage than one would have by a BG, they are all looking for an easy way up the food chain, Manure (huMAN natURE as Trink used to say). It happens the world over not just in Thailand, it just may appear worse over here due to the Language, Cultural, Distance from home country aspects which can amplify the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooNoi Posted January 24, 2008 Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 He broke a golden rule though, never put them (TG) in a position where they can leave financially on their own two feet Why wouldn't you want someone who was financially independent? These days, I will only date girls who have some sort of goals, aspirations and plans for the future. I don't want to be the sole bread-winner and provider. Oz, saying that someone made a mistake because he allowed a woman to be financially on her own two feet doesn't make sense to me. IMHO, you're making it sound like you have to have some sort of "hold" over a TG (in this case, being the bread-winner) in order for her to want to (need to?) stay with a guy. What was this relationship based on? (From the guy's point-of-view, I mean). Did he feel like he had to be the sole bread-winner in order that she would stay with him? I know a lot of guys who get involved with bar girls have insecurities or have some sort of emotional issues, (yeah... I can also put my hand up to this at times, I'll admit it!) - the old line "can't get a woman to like you at home so come to Thailand and buy one" routine - but if I have to be scared about a woman leaving me because she can make her own money in life and because I don't need to provide for her financially, that doesn't seem like a very sound basis for a relationship to me. However, it seems, from what I've observed over the years, that this is how many relationships between TG's and farang guys are based... he sees himself as the "knight in shining armour" and takes care of her and the family. If that support is shut-off or diminishes, or she makes money through her own means, she's out the door. Sad really that relationships have to be based on $ so much. What happened to two people caring about each other "as people?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonjon058 Posted January 24, 2008 Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 If someone gets "burnt" they should first blame themself. You chose to be with that person and put yourself in a position to be "burnt". Think about what attracted you to a loser in the first place and work on your own character flaws. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.. Posted January 24, 2008 Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 He supported her each month, paying her 20,000 baht and extras for medical or emergencies. a) Is this relationship in Oz or LoS? If in Oz, what kind of life could she have on $700/mo? c) If in LoS, B20k is pretty much "fresh out of Uni" salary. If she's married to a farang, she's likely gonna expect a better lifestyle than that. d) The biggie. If they lived apart, the what the fuck is he thinking?????? Ain't no woman gonna wait for your sorry ass if you ain't paying the big bucks. Too many opportunities for them, if they are at all desirable. Women are people too (duh!!!). They need companionship as well as $$. Cheers, SD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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