drogon Posted March 12, 2008 Report Share Posted March 12, 2008 Disclaimer: This post does not aim at discussing the con/pros of a relation with a prostitute/ex prostitute. So please refrain from posting non related crap. Thanks As some members of this board know I have a relationship with a bargirl. As we are thinking (me especially) to get married I have some questions: - Do you know some studies/books about psychology and prostitution? - Same question about studies/books about people abused during their childhood? - Some recent experiences from board members who married a BG and who are still a happy couple, especially the big mistakes they made during their relationship Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted March 12, 2008 Report Share Posted March 12, 2008 Not recent but relevent experiences. I was married to an ex-BG for 7 years we got divorced in 1999. I made the classic error of thinking "my girl is different" but at the end of the day you can take a girl out if the bar but you can't take the bar out of the girl. Even though we were married she still associated with her home city (Udon) friends majority of whom were involved in the P4P scene, and circa 1997 when the internet arrived in Thailand for the masses we opened a Net Cafe. I was working away a lot (3 Months Saudi 1 month home) and she was wotking in the Cafe writing "Kwai Mai Sabai" e-mails for bar girls. Of course since she was seeing all the emails by girls of her ex-profession she realised how much money could be made from sponsorship and since I was away 75% of the time thought she could fit a couple of sponsors in without me knowing but inevitably I found out. After we divorced she married one of her sponsors from the states and moved there with her son, a kid I had been a "Father" to for the previous seven years. I didn't take it very well. Having been ejected from my own home I had to find somewhere to live and the place I got in Suk Soi 13 was perfect, walk up the soi turn left for Clinton Plaza or Cowboy, Right for Nana or cross the road for Soi 10 beer bars. I stayed there for 12 months, boozing whoring and having a hedonistic time without a care in the world until the lease on the apartment came up for a yearly renewal. At that point I was drinking a bottle of Mekong a day, hence my forum name a reminder to myself, and had lost the plot completely, it was seeing that lease renewal that made me realise I had just spent 1 year of my life living that way without working and could not continue to do so for ever, So I gave myself a slap, moved away from Sukhumvit, sobered up and took the first job available Oh Shit back in Saudi, but earning again. So about 8 years ago I started to rebuild my life, it was time to move on, a sucession of jobs in uncomfortable locations in the Middle East and R'n'R in Thailand, but I stayed away from the nightlife scene. As time went on I got to know many what is often refered to in this forum as GTG, but when one paid for her own ticket and flew to Qatar to wish me Happy New Year in 2003 I got rather interested. Fast Forward to today. The GTG who flew to Qatar is now my wife, The Apartment I lost in 1999 when I got divorced is now mine again and for the past 30 months I have been employed in Thailand in my chosen proffession at comparitable rate, nearly a normal life. The ex is still in the states, divorced and richer but missing Thailand, her son is 18 now and I saw him a few weeks ago when he was back here, nice kid it makes me proud that he remembers a lot of what I told him. Sorry for the long reply but you did request experiences. Looking back if I could turn back time would I follow the same path? I probably would, I have ridden the emotional roller coaster and finally found comfort. Follow your feelings my friend, play the game of life, Know the rules, Learn the Tricks and Play the Game, you won't go far wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 A very nice, very honest post Mekong. Drogon every girl, every woman is different. In any relationship you have to build up trust and to do that you have to get it together in other places besides the bedroom. Any major book retailer will help you find the books you need and child abuse and the impact it has on those that suffered it is widely covered in Internet articles. Finally, if you have any doubts at all, don't do it. If she thinks you don't trust her she may very well give you reason not to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robaus Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Excellent post, Mekong. I'm glad things are now looking up for you. drogon, All I can add is: take your gf and yourself well away from the P4P scene, to give your relationship a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Drogon, if you have questions regarding Psychology, please ask away. Although I seldom use my knowledge in this forum, I know a lot about all things 'psychological'...it was my profession before becoming a lowlife scumbag teacher. I'd suggest using the private message system if the contents are intimate or involve highly emotive subject matter, but otherwise go ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumsoda Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 drogon, A great post by mekong...honest and from the heart... Having been fortunate enough to share some good times with you and your girl (and "mine") all I can say is....follow your heart... You have been together now long enough to know if the foundations are there for a future together.... nothing in Life is a lay down mizzare... so if that's what you both want ...give it a shot!!! One thing for sure, is we can't change History....but we can work towards the future...and if that feels right for you & yours....NIKE....just do it!!!!! Can't offer any other advice ...for fcuks sake, who am I to offer anyone advice in these matters...lol... But I do extend to you & yours my best wishes for a great life together, in an absolutely genuine way... ...Don't spend the rest of your life wondering about what could have been....and don't be afraid to make a mistake... ...Just make it happen!!! Good luck mate Cheers DS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topcatta Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Hey Drogon, Good to hear u r doing well. Mekong, what a story!!! Thanks for sharing it. Great to see that u didnt built on the negative experience, closing yourself off and considering u r never gonna get that love u want. As a matter of fact it seems ur filter made that u could have ur love now. Congrats! Drogon, a few psychological studies helped me to understand Thai ppl a lot more: M. Meyer "Beyond the Mask" ( i think published in 1983 or '81) Neils Mulder "Inside Thai Society" Good books about Thai pros and psych I have not found. Either they are written by feminazis who's 'opinion about these poor little sex slaves' blurrs the psych contents or by punters who had heaps of neg experiences who's visions are equally blurred... Western psych & pros books have to be applied carefully as Thai sexworkers with Farang clients ia a whole different ball game as sexwork in the West. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted March 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Thanks for the offer Faustian will PM you. Thank you Mekong for telling us about your story. Thanks all for your comments. I am not asking myeself if I took the right decision but rather how to handle this relation the best I can. We plan to get married in 1 or 2 years maximum. This relation is a first for me as I liked her before going going to bed with her..... Seems that we go quite well together.....I do not even go with local prostitutes here in Madrid despite being offered the ride by my colleagues (who use their services a lot) -> Knowing that I am a perpetually horny dog I am the first to be suprised. Our plan is the following: Getting married within 2 years then I should be able to retire without problems in maximum 10 years. (less if I get lucky but I do not believe in luck) She is an incredible woman (despite her flaws) but she really has not been lucky especially in her childhood. This is why I am trying to find ways to handle the consequences of her past life. The good point is, if this relation fails this will not be because of lies as truth is the base of our relationship. In the immediate future it will be first a full European tour in June so she can see by herself if she could live here and which country she would prefer. Then I will maybe have to switch country. -> we get married and try to live happily. Then if Thailand still exists in a few years we will try to move back there. (only if I found a job with a multinational company) More later and thank you for your support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorldFun Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 drogon, what can I say? just follow your heart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooNoi Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 DS / DC / LLB, Did *you* read that post that you wrote above??? Just wondering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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