BKKanalist Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Mekong- That is one of the boards best posts! Hope others learn from it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumsoda Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 DS / DC / LLB, Did *you* read that post that you wrote above??? Just wondering. Short answer...YES...many many times Cheers DC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Big mistakes: At the beginning: A lot of distrust from my side (she was a BG after all). In hindsight what I would do now: Just protect what I can't afford to lose (get a prenup maybe), and completely trust her for all the rest until proven wrong. Not trusting your partner is a perfect way to ruin a good relationship IMO. Never underestimate the thainess of your partner! I fell in love with my wife, because she was not a typical Thai (honest, straightforward and confronting when necessary). Turned out she is all that, but also sport the thai traits of avoiding conflict and sometimes witholding important information because she would think it would upset me (real cost of marriage and real cost of our home come to mind. Turned out she had a nest egg of her own wich she used to finance both without telling me, so I can't really complain about that!) What I did right: Gave her freedom to pursue anything she liked: work, friends, hobbies. My advice regarding psychological issues regarding prostitution and child abuse: Don't dig in the dirt, let it slide. If you see these issues are eating her: Don't think for a second you can help her coming to terms with it or think you are able to make her happy. If she has issues, she has to resolve them herself. Nobody can do that for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cavanami Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 I have found that the Thai ladies have the amazing ability to shut off their heart to such an extent that they completely separate the "customer" from the person they really love. Me, being from the USA, find this quite difficult to do. If I am with a lady, I am with "the" lady. For sure, however they handle all the internal sentiments, leave it lie. Do not try to figure it out or worse of all, try to have them figure it out and rationalize it. They have it worked out in their heads...IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tartempion Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Mekhong, That was a bad set-up, you being away 3 months and she running an internet shop surrounded with scamming ex-colleagues. Receipt for disaster. I live with an ex-bg full time for 5 years now , she was a loner, no friends in the business, we live in her village, far from temptation, she doesn't drink nor smoke. Problems we sometimes have are communication type: language misunderstandings, different thinking mode (I will not even try to understand Thai thinking, would be useless waist of energy and time) Money on her mind always an issue. Drogon: She still lives in LOS whilst you are working in Spain? That's dangerous if so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted March 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Nope this is not more dangerous than if I was working here and her doing nothing.......... Like any other woman/wife/girlfriend Except if you are young, handsome, charming and very wealthy then I do not see which problem could arise. Same for me as I am forbidden to date any Thai woman here..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Mekong, what a story!!! Thanks for sharing it. Great to see that u didnt built on the negative experience, closing yourself off and considering u r never gonna get that love u want. As a matter of fact it seems ur filter made that u could have ur love now. Congrats! TC, I did close myself for 12 months, I carried around the anger and hatred for her with me for that time, I became Alcoholic and was taking a different bar girl home every night as some form of revenge. When I made the decision to get my life back on track the first thing I did was to drop the hared, bitterness can make a person irrational. Once I decided to move on from the past cutting out the hedonistic lifestyle was easy without the bitterness, negative thoughts only hold you back. Mekhong, That was a bad set-up, you being away 3 months and she running an internet shop surrounded with scamming ex-colleagues. Receipt for disaster. Totally agreed, with hindsight I was asking for it and I got it. But hell back then i was younger, more impulsive and did not know as much as I thought I did, classic case of little head leading big head. But as I said earlier if I had my time again I would probably make the same mistake, I came out of that relationship with a different outlook on life which has stood me in good stead ever since so it isn't all bad. Drogon Follow your feelings, only you know what is right and only you know the trust, just be careful how much you invest into the relationship, emotionialy as well as financialy, I have often said that Thailand is a Casino only gamble what you can afford to loose. I hope you make the right choice and everything works out for you, but if it doesn't its not the end of the world and life goes on. You are probably the same age now as I was when I met my ex, ride the emotional roller coaster and hang on tight, it may be a rough ride but worth it in the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 I was with one who unilaterally quit a soapie to be with me even though she had been staying with me most nights a week. Of course I had originally met her at the soapie. We lived together for about 18 months separated for a couple of weeks with my trips abroad and to be honest, were in love completely. Despite our relationship being fine, she had her head turned by her friends who were still in the game and she made a passport, said she was going to her mama's house for a few days (I was busy so couldn't go that time) and went to Singapore. She thought she could do a few day's work, made shit loads of money and I would be none the wiser. Her phone not working was a bit of a give away. I flew to Singapore and found her a day before she was scheduled to fly back. The fact was that it was premeditated. She had to make the passport and thus had all the time between doing so and actually going to back out. Why did she do it ? she said it was a mixture of adventure / she wanted to see for herself and money. She really was sorry but how much of that was because it had not been a big money earner (I think she had a couple of punters in 5 days) I don't know. I know it lost her money as one set of gold I had bought had been liquidated to finance the trip. Over the next few years she had a couple of relationships but always on the back of trips to the soapy and more lucratrive trips to Singapore and Hong Kong. I don't know where she is now. What I have learned from this, some other relationships I have had and from what I see employing girls is that the ones who get out, stay out and make half reasonable partners are the ones who don't see P4P as the solution. If someone dabbles in P4P to pay the bills then that is very different from seeing P4P as a way of life. There is a fundamental difference there nd if girls think that P4P is the be all and end all and maybe a guy will come along then I suggest they are better off just being left in the game. If they do something to better themselves, say getting an office job or working in a non P4P environment and supplementing that income with a few tricks then you might have a winner. If P4P is their only solution and even after making reasonable cash they have nothing to show for it then I suggest that they will likely be a bit flaky and always wanting more or something better. If living together or marriage is viewed as her not cheating on you, not robbing or wasting your cash, being somewhat responsible and potentially with kids on the horizon, then I think you need a girl who is not an out and out money grabber but rather one who has used the P4P scene to find a guy and make her existance a little more luxurious until that happened. Would I get a girl from the P4P scene again ? My initial reaction is to say no with no chance of me changing my mind. Lets just say that it would be highly unlikely. Why do I feel that way ? well my experience tells me me that with some exceptions, they want something for nothing and if shagging blokes for money is what they have to do then they do it. Shagging blokes for money is not normal but they think it is and therein lies a fundamental problem. If they think it now, then they will always think it. If you can find one who is in the game for the right reason then you have a chance. She will already speak english from school, not learned in the bar. In her family or peer group there will be someone who has married a westerner after working in a certain P4P job and the girl in question is looking to hook a guy the same, hopefully with some love attached to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.. Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 Well said Torrey! Cheers, SD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 I think that if you keep hanging around the bars it's only human nature to see bar girls as "normal" women eventually. I hung out there, had two relationships that crashed and burned because I wouldn't move away from the bar scene and finally settled up here in the sticks. Now when I make a rare trip to Bangkok I go out for a drink and I think... "Faaarrrk! what did I ever see in these people?" Don't get me wrong, I'm still physically attracted occasionally but that's where it ends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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