shygye Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Well, with a 50%+ divorce rate for falang-falang, not sure marrying an ex-bg is any worse. :happyeaster: The biggest problem is couples in love don't talk about the important issues in relationships. 1) What will she do while you are working? 2) When do you plan to have children and how many of them? 3) Is she good at handling finances and knows the importance of saving? 4) Does she choose her friends wisely? 5) Will she have your back when relatives or villagers come begging? 6) What does she expect of a husband and what do you expect of a wife? These are just a few questions you should know the answers before marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Would be interesting to do a poll on how many guys have actually visited bars in the hope of finding true love... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTO Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 I doubt people go looking for love, but they sure make the mistake of falling in love in most cases. Return to youth and acting like a teenager in most cases, did for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumsoda Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Will *Never* happen to me.... ...again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted March 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Shygye: 1) If here in Europe then she will work too even if only part time. 2) Childdren? In a few years and maybe just 1 or 2 or none.... 3) She is far better than me at handling finances and she knows the importance of savings as she saved money all her life despite her expensive tastes. 4) Yes she choses her friends wisely as she has only a few friends and no "real friend" (the Thai way) whom she could fully trust. 5) Till now the family and relatives did not beg, only thing is we agreed to partly pay her mother's house (just 600K bht in total) and we are paying a part as the other brothers/sisters pay their share too. As we/I have the biggest income in the family I feel it is only normal to participate more. Of course, once married we will take care of the mother but as it is only 4K bht/month I do not care at all. (and anyway I am not asked to help for this part) 6) Difficult question: She expects from a husband to provide security (financially of course), a lot of affection, not butterflting -> I am already warned that if I ever butterfly without her agreement then a part of my anatomy will "feed the ducks". I can not stress enough the affective part as it comes first in her priorities due to her past. What I expect from a wife? Excellent question as until I met her I never thought I would wish to be married. I am looking for someone who provides me a lot of affection, someone who has a strong personality (from this point of view it can sometimes be a headache but overall this is great). Someone who is with me for what I am and not for what she would like me to be. Of course, physical beauty is a nice bonus for my pride but this is not my first criteria. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_numbers Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 A quick sound-off from me. If you need to be her psychiatrist in order to facilitate the relationship succeeding or to "read-up" on things I'd think twice bargirl or not. I'm not saying that's your M.O., based on what I read, but guys who do that usually end up with a bloodbath on their hands from playing into that power dynamic. Being the one who deals with all the issues, and is a rock for the bad times is one thing, but it can become more convoluted. I've seen girls use their problems or baggage as amazing strings to manipulate guys - this is no slag on people with legitimate problems. One examples is: being the "stable" one if you're with a girl who suffers from Type 2 bipolar disorder or other psychological issues beyond just pop-a-Zoloft depression - it is a hell of a thing to get into. You can be empathetic, but people just have to click, get-on, or understand one another in the end right? So, you sound like you might have that.. but how can I say this about anyone whose worked or profited solely off their body, sexuality in a commodity exchange way. It changes in myriad ways based on how long they were in the scene, and poor family foundations can make trust issues paramount, and a real concern. Trust is a foundation for a relationship and love - this is beyond ideas of fidelity - but the idea of boundaries and violations of that can be very different from one person to another, and moreover from one Thai to another. Can definitely say that the Abrahamic-religion Christian guilt complex being off the plate for Buddhists is one of the reasons that over the years that some justifications of sexuality or infidelity in this culture I've seen have been misunderstood by farangs. The idea of what might be viewed as a transgression or betrayal can be quite mutable at times. People are really unpredictable and ineffable to me at times - patterns do repeat themselves. Be careful. the_numbers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Nice post TN, most importantly... "People are really unpredictable and ineffable to me at times - patterns do repeat themselves. Be careful." Patterns do repeat themselves, amongst shrinky types this is described as replaying old tapes...people are cyclical, they just don't know it. It's a Freudian (and post-Freudian) concept. One he got right. Trauma from the past re-emerges through current relationships often in a distorted manner, due to a lack of resolution at an earlier age/time. Anger unexpressed will return, either via depression or deviance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 I doubt people go looking for love, but they sure make the mistake of falling in love in most cases. Return to youth and acting like a teenager in most cases, did for me That's it exactly CTO. You go down there fully aware of the dangers and say "it will never happen to me". And if it doesn't happen you haven't got blood in your veins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topcatta Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 I wonder whether there is a correlation between getting older and tape loops, and the more fucked up u got in ur childhood the more tape loops u got running...or the more unhappy u get in life the more tape loops...Anybody knows of research about this? Not judging the OP's situation, just curious in general. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted March 17, 2008 Report Share Posted March 17, 2008 Hi TC, bet you like this little poem by Philip Larkin... This Be The Verse They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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