buffalo_bill Posted April 15, 2003 Report Share Posted April 15, 2003 " Not Akkar" Bad news, then it's becoming epidemic. NARS : N ortheuropean A dvanced R elationship S yndrome . Bbill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jp1 Posted April 15, 2003 Report Share Posted April 15, 2003 Says buffalo_bill: " Not Akkar" Bad news, then it's becoming epidemic. NARS : N ortheuropean A dvanced R elationship S yndrome . Bbill just one remark: if you compare the written English of AF16 with Akarr's English it's evident that they're two different persons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted April 15, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 15, 2003 Says flyonzewall: i think the guy here is just a normal bloke who never wasted much thought on thailand, or prostitutes and is just caught up in a situation beyond his level of experience. don't forget, most people in europe are not really exposed to what we take as granted here. Flyonzewall, I?d like to thank you for your replies, as they really have helped me a lot. The ways you communicate have made it easier to accept the ?truth?, although my naiveté had earned the more frank replies I have gotten. Your posts, along with some PM?s I had with Jasmine have made this a whole lot easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted April 15, 2003 Report Share Posted April 15, 2003 Says buffalo_bill: " Not Akkar" Bad news, then it's becoming epidemic. NARS : N ortheuropean A dvanced R elationship S yndrome . Bbill BBill, LOL, one for the books, again ! Cheers ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardinalblue Posted April 16, 2003 Report Share Posted April 16, 2003 AF16, All i am saying is you should look after yourself and protect yourself emotionally and psychologiclly. If she is only a friend, financially now becomes moot. If you insists she is a good person, that is fine. You should know. I would least have to question her motives and her judgments? Prostitution, drugs, financial problems? More than likely, people live in pattern of behaviors so i suspect there are others things and problems/vices you know nothing about her and she hasn't shared with you. There is nothing wrong in helping a person to a point where it doesn't drags you down in a serverely detrimental way. Hopefully, you have the ability to recognize and protect self. It just sounded like you were looking for a relationship. So often I have seen it here in LOS that guys are convinced they are in love and they can help even save these girls from themselves. Usually the girl drags down him with her intentionally or unintentionally. It really doesn't matter. The bottom line is they both go down regardless on whether she is a good person, you are in love with her, she has this little problem, etc. There is a point between survival/despair instincts and foolishness/demise. It is great to be in love but unsustainable if compatibility in lifestyle and values and belief systems are not on the same page. Do you share the same? I am all for helping peole who have problems. But that is why we have professionals and those professionals are successful because they don't get involved on a personal level with whom they are helping. Once they do, they become at risk themselves or coined the term unprofessional behavior. My question to you is at what level are you operating or wanting to function with her? Go for it as long you continuing assess and recognize where you are with her all the time (friend, GF, wife, acquaintence, whatever). My experience has been there is usually recriprocity and rewards for both parties that defines a sustainable and healthy firendship. Is this happening or can happen with you? If you are reduced to or defined as a professional/counsellor, is that what you want your role to function as? Cardinalblue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted April 16, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2003 ::: If you insists she is a good person, that is fine. You should know. I would least have to question her motives and her judgments? Prostitution, drugs, financial problems? More than likely, people live in pattern of behaviors so i suspect there are others things and problems/vices you know nothing about her and she hasn't shared with you. ::: I realize that now. When she was in my arms telling me that sleeping with those guys hurt, and I thought about the things they did to her I so much wanted to take her away from all that. To make things better for her. I still do. What I offered was a life where she lived with me on my income until she was able to speak Norwegian and get a job. To me that was an easy choice. I though she would jump at it. As you say though people live in patterns of behaviors. Even though she might hate her job, It is what she knows, and prefers (prefer is a bad word). She might not want it, but she will choose it. I don?t know why. The money, habit, psychological factors, I don?t know. All I know is that this is what she chose, and what I feel about it does not matter. I don?t want her to live that way. That?s all. She is a good person. ::: There is nothing wrong in helping a person to a point where it doesn't drags you down in a serverely detrimental way. Hopefully, you have the ability to recognize and protect self. ::: She have told me that she do not want me to see her anymore. I have speculated a lot about the reason, but in the end it?s no way of knowing, and she does not want to talk about it. She told me a lot of times that she was a ?bad? girl, and that I should not think about her so much. I did not realize that by bad she meant a working girl, I just kept telling her that she was not bad, she was a warm kind person. She often said I was good for her, in one of her last replies to me she said I was a good man, that she did not want to lie to me, and that I should find a ?good? girl to marry and start a family with. I think she is a good girl./person She let me go with the same amount of money I came into her life with. I don?t blame her for lying to customers. She is, despite her ?choosing? her trade, and I use choose loosely, exploited by these customers and why should she not exploit them back? It?s that kind of reality/world. I think she viewed me differently, and that is why she let me go with my money. I used to have this theoretical libertarian view on prostitution, I don?t anymore. It?s a bad thing. :: It just sounded like you were looking for a relationship. So often I have seen it here in LOS that guys are convinced they are in love and they can help even save these girls from themselves. Usually the girl drags down him with her intentionally or unintentionally. It really doesn't matter. The bottom line is they both go down regardless on whether she is a good person, you are in love with her, she has this little problem, etc. There is a point between survival/despair instincts and foolishness/demise. It is great to be in love but unsustainable if compatibility in lifestyle and values and belief systems are not on the same page. Do you share the same? :: I was looking for a relationship as well. I did want to live with her, and if I thought it possible I would still do so. I realize now that it is not possible because she for some reason ?prefers? this life. (I don?t know what word to use. Prefer indicates she wants/likes it, but I don?t believe she does. Of course she does not, not in that way.) It?s what she will choose though, even if it?s self-destructive. If she wanted to change I would help her out, but I would not go back t the way things were. I?m over that. She would have to take a clean break from everything. When I saw her, I got caught in this bad cycle where everything was about her. I did not get to know anything about the future, and when I asked I never got answers. I did not know when she could come see my mother, when she would stop working, when she could see me, when she stop the three month stints. I sat with my phone in my hands waiting for her to SMS me, as I did not know when to SMS her. She was with customers. I hated that. I heard the phone ring all the time, but it hadn?t. When she did call I asked her questions and gave compliments, and she answered the compliments and ignored the questions. I was left waiting for the next time to get the answer to the same questions I had to get answered. I got a bit obsessed. It was all about her. My whole life was about waiting for something from her. Now that it?s over the craze is gone. I?m very very sad, but not obsessed anymore. I can think straight now. I still can not understand why she chose as she did. It?s outside of my reality. I do accept now however that she did choose her old life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted April 16, 2003 Report Share Posted April 16, 2003 Says AF16: Now that it?s over the craze is gone. I?m very very sad, but not obsessed anymore. I can think straight now. AF16, So maybe this board and the discussion here DID help ? Good luck to anything you decide ! Cheers ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamui Posted April 16, 2003 Report Share Posted April 16, 2003 AF16, reading your posts you seem to be a guy who has good way of dealing with this story, which opened presumably a complete new, but unfortunately not only beautiful, world for you. Anyway after going through this experience I hope that you will not perceive SE Asia as a dark part of our planet. I would recommend not to cancel the trip to Thailand, because you will go to a wonderful country with beautiful people - only be careful whom you fall in love with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted April 16, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2003 Says BelgianBoy: Says AF16:Now that it?s over the craze is gone. I?m very very sad, but not obsessed anymore. I can think straight now. AF16, So maybe this board and the discussion here DID help ? Good luck to anything you decide ! Cheers ! Eventually it did. It was a process though. I could not just ?get it? in an instant. I learned a lot I wished I had not. Being naiv is a good life if no one messes with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted April 16, 2003 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2003 Again I don?t know what to say. Seeing the human side behind prostitution have left me repulsed by the Thailand described in the book I glimpsed at. I would not mind to eventually fall in love with a Thai girl again, but first I have to know where to find the other Thailand. From this BB it?s hard to have hope, but the other one seems to be a bit less cynic. I don?t know. What I do know is that I?m not capable of telling love from business. Not the best starting point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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