Two timers

[Old Hippie]

[liquidflux]

One more reason not to cheat, I like my penis

[Mekong]

MaiLuk said:

4. If husband is my friend and wife is not. Well than only one thing to do. Take him out so we can hunt down some ladies together.

 

 

A Voice of Reason

[Old Hippie]

"...3. If the girl is a very very close friend. maybe she and I grew up on the same street, hung around the same group of kids for years, were together when one of those friends died, did drugs together, etc. She marries some guy who runs around with a GF and my friend is clueless. Do i tell? Maybe. If the husband were to come to me after i told and said "you ruined my narriage blah blah" i might laugh at how stupid he is. He screwed around so he brought it on himself. No need to bother complaining to me. There are not too many people in this world that i am close to. So if some stranger is screwing one over, the interests of that stranger means shit to me...."

 

 

As I told the other guy, NOTHING GOOD will come of ratting the guy out, NOTHING. Your woman friend will come to resent you, as will any mutual friends you have, no one will trust you with secrets, intimate friends Frankly, I am appauled thatyou would rat on a guy for doing something you yourself may do...will drop you, think of the effects if their are kids involved etc...better she find out herself, or let someone else break it to her, nothing may ever happen if she never finds out, the guy may be a great husband and father.

 

This is not the same as ratting out a lieing bargirl to your buddy here...this may well mean breaking up a family and causing financial ruin to one or both parties...NO ONE WILL GAIN OR BE BETTER OFF!

 

"...the interests of that stranger means shit to me...."

 

It will mean shit to you, when he comes looking for you. I mean think about it, you'd ruin a family because the dude went to a massage parlor or got a BJ from some hooker? does it matter if it is 1 time vs. 3 here? Hooker vs non hooker? I am frankly shocked at what I am hearing in terms of guys meddling where it doesn't concern them. Frankly, I would shun anyone close to me who had this opinion.

 

At therisk of repeating myself, there are many reasons why this guy might be cheating, reasons you don't know, or maybe don't understand...what happens if you rat, your good female friend says "yeah, I know, mind your own business..." and drops you? What if she doesn't believe you? what have you gained...? Nothing, so why do it? Frankly, I am appauled that you would rat out a guy for doing something that you might well do yourself...

[..]

AF16 said:

Put a poll on a women site for fun and so far

 

15 - yes I would like to be told

1 - Don't know

1 - No

Well, everybody who is dishonest with themselves or fail to think it through will say yes.

 

How can I say that?

 

From practical experience over many years (but opposite, telling a male friend his "gal" was still working bar), both being there and watching the train wreck with other involved, I can say that in every case, the guy believed the girl and it hurt friendships. In my direct case, we are OK now, but not as good as it once was. In some of the other cases, the guys are mortal enemies.

 

In my case, I told this guy against my better judgement (and drew the short straw amongst the group of three friends ). My better judgement was, as usual, correct.

 

After that one time, I would *never* tell again, not worth the hassle.

 

And for the record, if my wife is "cheating" (I put that in quotes becasue I do not necessarily think that is the correct word, but is is customary in this thread), I do not want to know. Maybe I already do -- you do not know. Oddly enough, she feels the same. We *have* discussed it. And I'll have been married 20 years in a few months, so we must be doing something right.

 

In any case mind, your own business -- as OH alluded, if you stick your nose in places it does not belong, you may lose it!

 

Regards,

SD

[Zorro]

I agree with what a few of you guys have said and would not interfere in others business.

 

No good can come of meddling or informing. No one is going to thank you for giving bad news.

 

As for the whole moral question about having sex outside of your marriage or relationship......i think it is okay as long as the other person never finds out.

I don't think the sex issue is such a big deal. The big deal is where you become emotionally involved with another person while you are married or are in a relationship. That is why it makes perfect sense to use the services of working women when you are married and that is indeed why there are so many prostitutes the world over. You can have sex and walk away without any emotional baggage.

Perfect really. Once you become emotionally entantled with someone other than your partner it can get really ugly.

[MaiLuk]

you'd ruin a family because the dude went to a massage parlor or got a BJ from some hooker? does it matter if it is 1 time vs. 3 here?

 

No. The example i had in mind and what i stated in my post was the guy has a gf and your close friend (the wife) has no idea. Its not the genuine marriage she thinks it is so i might tell her.

 

There is nothing wrong with getting your rocks off at a massage parlor imo. No harm done so no need to tell.

 

The "never" tell policy doesn't work though. What if the wife is your sister? Your mother who remarried? If the husband has a GF, then blood (or very close friendship) is thicker than water. You "may" be doing wrong to someone close to you if you don't tell. And yes this might cause friction but thats the nature of the beast you are dealing with.

 

The reason i use the word "may" be doing wrong is that there is no absolute rules here. The situation will be different in every case.

 

There may be alternatives to telling as well. Tell the husband: "You know how close i am to your wife, you need to wrap this thing up within the next few months" or something in that vein.

 

But if a guy does tell the wife, its not absolute grounds for condemnation of the guy who tells. He may be doing the right thing. I acknowledge of course that doing the right thing is not easy to judge. But i have no doubt that there will be circumstances where not telling is the wrong thing to do.

[AF16]

Old Hippie said:

Ok, last post, then you go on ignore...yes, different rules for me, and all Punters. Kid you are a fool messing around in a world you know nothing about. The Bar/nightlife/Punter game is full of lies, hypocracy, deceit riddles, mysteries etc, that you know nothing about. Don't delve in this worlrd, the hypocracy here will destroy you...As I said, this is not about having a different opinion, it is about stating you would intentionally do harm to someone, when it was none of your business. The idea that you put the wife's interests up somewhere on high and that you would tell her to save her from the evils of a husband who may have cheated 1-2 times, is serving your own do gooder interests, not hers...but different rules for you also right?

 

As I said, many guys cheat for different reasons, you have no clue what is going on in that house/family/marrage. You will gain niothing from ratting, the wife and kids will come to hate you, and many around you who know will also distance themselves from you...you have nothing to gain but your own selfish intersts...ok, been fun, now I am ignoring you...

 

Yes diffrent rules for you. On this BB you and others can call red flags and dump the bithc, but when someone would say to your wife 'hey red flag he fucks around' it's wrong because it fuck up _ Your _ life.

 

What's wrong is that you fuck behind your wifes back, and you obviously think she will find it so horrible that she would break up with you, but all you can think of is how bad the person telling her is?

[AF16]

Nervous_Dog said:

Topcatta, we are arguing with him because my relaitionship, your relaitionship, anyone other than his relationship with their spouce is their own personal relaitionship, yet time and again AF said he'd tell.

 

As a mate says, you get your bible out of my bedroom and I won;t fuck in the church anymore!

 

He strikes me as someone who would happily ligislate against a lot of things we take as freedoms

 

DOG

 

You should considder the consequenses when you deside to cheate on a wife. That is your choice.

 

I'm atheist and do not want to legislate morality. However i respect my friends enough to say something when they are cheated be it with a unfaithfull husband or otherwhise.

 

For me I would very much want a friend to tell me if my wife cheated on me, and yes I would dump her the same day. I would not be mad at my mate for telling but on my wife for cheating.

[AF16]

Chillers said:

Ever had a "green" relationship?

 

I've had a couple and my hand still works overtime whilst I'm thinking about them.

 

A green relationship is one that is filled with lies, deceit, jealousy, and cheating - usually by both parties. The difference between a green and a straight cheating relationship is that the people involved get a sexual thrill from all of the deception. These relationships can be very emotionally and physically destructive - but for some (like myself) also very entertaining. I should also add that it helps to constantly listen to thrash or death metal whilst greening, to drink a lot, and to party like its 1999.

 

Chew on that one priests and moral crusaders - some times it is fun to be nasty.

 

Btw - I don't "cheat" on my gf, but that is between us. I'm certainly not going to actively enforce the 2000 yr old religious ideal of what a relationship should be!

 

It's not about a 2000 yr old religious ideal. Toppacatta has apparantly a deal with her spouse saying they can both fuck around. Ok then, no problem. The problem is not an ideal of an relationship it what two people want out of a marriage. If one thinks fucking around is a dealbreaker, cheating on her is wrong. If she thinks it's ok, then it's ok. It's respecting the other person, and dedaling with people up front.