Any New Jokes

[The_Munchmaster]

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

[The_Munchmaster]

Strange, isn't it? You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

[The_Munchmaster]

A Englishman, an Australian and a Scotsman were discussing love-making.

 

"Last night I made love to my wife three times" boasted the Englishman. "She was in sheer ecstasy this morning..."

 

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Australian responded, "This morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man."

 

When the Scotsman remained silent, the Englishman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

 

"Once." he replied.

 

"Only once?" the Englishman arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

 

"Don't stop."

[Torneyboy]

Crap

[The_Munchmaster]

Khrap to you too!

[The_Munchmaster]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

 

Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

 

Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, so she tells her lover to hide in the bedroom cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.

 

After a little while the little boy says, "Dark in here." The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, "Yes, it is." The boy then says "I have a football." and the man replies "That's nice." The boy then says "Want to buy it?" and the man replies "No, thanks." Then the boy says "My dad's outside." and the man says "OK, how much?' and the boy replies "$250"

 

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover end up in the cupboard together. Boy - "I have a pair of football boots." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "OK, how much this time?"' Boy - "$750"

 

A few days later, the boys' father says to him, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a kick around." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for and to whom?" The boy says, "To a friend of mine for a $1,000." The father says, "That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that". "That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sins."

 

They go to the church, the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth, and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here" and the priest says, "Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now!!"

[Torneyboy]

Not funny..

[The_Munchmaster]

Teacher to class: "We're all children of Adam & Eve"

 

Pupil: "Miss, my Dad says we descended from the Apes"

 

Teacher: "I'm not talking about your fecking lot Leroy"

 

[unit731]

 

They go to the church, the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth, and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here" and the priest says, "Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now!!"

 

I thought it was a good one!

 

[The_Munchmaster]

TB doesn't have a sense of humour, either that or he just can't understand them (unless they're a one liner about a Scotsman). :hubba: