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A passenger plane traveling to California is suddenly hit with a severe engine problem and plummets into the Pacific Ocean.


The impact is such that the plane is ripped apart leaving only one man alive. After hours of swimming he spies an island and drags himself up onto the sandy shores.


Though he is half drowned and aware that he is thousands of miles from home, he cannot but admire the beauty of the island he has found himself on.


Looking down the beach he sees a figure lying on the beach, another survivor from the crash. He runs over and sees that she is not breathing, so quickly he gives her the kiss of life. After several attempts she coughs into life. As she wipes the hair from her face he now can see who it is...its Kylie Minogue!


Forever grateful to him for saving her life, they strike up an immediate bond, and over the following weeks, while stranded on the island, they fall madly in love. One day Kylie is walking down the beach and notices her new found love sitting on the rocks by the beach, staring out to sea, with a look of sorrow on his face. She wanders over to him, and asks what is wrong.


"Kylie," he says, "The last few weeks have been the greatest of my life. We've found this island paradise. We have all the food and water we could require, and I have you, but still I can't help feeling there's something missing."


Kylie replies: "What my darling? What is it that you need? I'll do anything".


"Well there is one thing. Would you mind putting on my shirt?"




"And my trousers?"




At this point he gets up and grabs some charcoal from the ground, and draws a neat moustache on her lips. "OK... Can you start to walk around the island, and I'll set off the other way and meet you half way."


"OK dear, whatever will make you happy?"


So off they set. After an hour walking he eventually sees her heading towards him along the beach, at which point he breaks into a sprint, runs up to her, grabs her by the shoulders and shouts:


"Hey mate, you won't believe who I'm shagging'!!


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Three Aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Kevin.


Steve falls off and is killed instantly.


As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."


Kevin says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."


Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.


Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Kev?"


"Steve's wife gave it to me,"


Bruce replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"


"Well not exactly," Kevin said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.


She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'


And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'."



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An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand fan are all in Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.


The mere possession Of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible Crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!


However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, They are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.


By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day, their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.


As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."


The South African was first in line, he thought for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back."


This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.


The Australian was next up. After watching the South African's Horror he said smugly, "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Australian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).


The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said, "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"


"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Kiwi replied. In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me Not 20 lashes but 100 lashes."


"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you Are also very brave", the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.


"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish"?


"Tie the Australian to my back."


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Great jokes munchies especially the Aussie+Foster's one.

But I must say the one with Saudi Arabia is really great -> I would almost believe Aussies and Kiwis share a great love for each others.

(of course they are rugby fans so this is normal)




If you don't mind I will adapt it but with Jupiler or Chimay beers


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A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, 'Your barracks door is open.'Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.




When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, 'Your fly is open.' He zipped up and finished his shopping.


At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his 'barracks door.' He was planning to have a little fun with her; so when he reached the counter he said, 'When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?'


The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said, 'No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags.



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